Feeling anxious about husband being misunderstood in the world now controlled by the wokeness police,!!

I often wonder what concepts beliefs and behaviour we are so proud of today will be utterly damned and criticised in a hundred years time.

Quite some years ago I did start a thread on this, but most people could not get their heads around suggesting topics that today, almost all of us would sign up to with sincerity and care and just listed things that we already deplore like poverty, sexual abuse, lack of spending on the NHS.

In fact 100 years from now, it will probably be our concern that everything should be inclusive, our attempts to control how people think by controlling their vocabulary, possible the trans issue, obsession with university level education. There could be a mass return to religious beleif and we could be candemned as an irreligious age.

If your hackles rose that any of the above should ever be seen as other than a good thing. It is worth remembering that those are the things future generations will turn on us for - when we are all too dead to defend our beliefs.

The world has changed but will undoubtedly change again and some other daft idea will take hold.
Meanwhile, remember to keep apologising for using the words you’ve used all your life and for the sins of your ancestors who profited from the slave trade or murdered a rival clan 500 years ago.
It’s all our fault of course.

Nanatoone, I was in hospital recently and understand what you mean. I experienced nothing but kindness, it makes it so much easier to deal with ill health. As long as I'm not classed as geriatric, which I was called during one stay, they can call me what they like.

I hope you are on the mend.

I have recently been in hospital with pneumonia and a lovely nurse prefaced every greeting with “my name darling”, I absolutely loved it. She made me feel cared for in a way I’ve missed since my husband died. I mean it was a delight. Especially in the light of being so poorly and experiencing the modern NHS. I’m so thankful for her kindness and her caring words. What a shame everything has to come down to taking offence.

My late fil was terrible at remembering names so he called all women lovey and all men mate. No one complained. He was probably about 70 when he started . He was also a Londoner from battersea before it became gentrified.

I had to see a nurse today for my Long Term Conditions Review. She told me that she was 33. I am 70. She called me ‘sweetie’, ‘sweetheart’, and ‘lovely’. I didn’t mind a bit.

I think that sometimes, people look for offence when none was ever intended. It’s all about context and situation, isn’t it?

Surely 'darling', 'dear' or 'love' were just throwaway words used by both sexes and having zero sexual connotations. Anyone old enough to have watched Coronation Street or Eastenders should get my point.

Just wanted to return and read all and its so much about context, isn't it?

And of course whether the person reacting knows the person as opposed to strangers in the shop or cafe or street, since some of the encounters described above are with people we know and that makes all the difference in the world.

And how much "strangers" understand "difference" (it could be a person like my granddaughter who will come across as very very strange and even scary when she grows up)
......and those strokes and dementia and so on.

Its been an interesting discussion but I wanted to say something for myself to the O/P -

I am politically "woke" but my life and work has involved encountering many (well in my own family) whose behavior will be "difficult" to some

and my "wokeness" and life experiences make me more sympathetic, more inclined to find a resolution to a difficult situation than otherwise.

Abuse is of course very different - having recently left a coercively abusive marriage, police involved etc, I will not tolerate that.

I used to have a lovely elderly neighbour who always called me Darling. I loved it because I was pleased that she liked me that much. I had a friend who had married a man much older than herself. He was a lovely man, always loved female company and, as he became more infirm, his filters did slip a bit and he always wanted a hug and a kiss. We didn't mind because he was such a nice person and we were all very fond of him. I think I may have called the consultant treating DH Darling a few times, but that was because he was one.

OurKid1

volver3

if the person being called darling is not aware that an elderly man may have always called women darling, then they need to be more aware/woke.

If the elderly man had always called people of colour ni**ers, would that make it OK to keep doing that?

Its not that he has always done it, its that his "filter" may have gone. That's what other people need to be aware of.

There is a whole world of difference between using the N word and calling someone darling.

Oh, hello OurKid, I just saw your post after I posted mine!

Didn't know you were on here, I'd better watch what I say about you

pascal30

FannyCornforth

And I suppose that chickens and ducks were the most widely ‘domesticated’ animals.

Apparently, ‘bunny’ was first used for little children, and then some how got attached to rabbits

Ah.. a friend of mine always called her daughter bunny, not her real name..

We knew a Bunny (not her real name).
She'd be about 90 now.

FannyCornforth

pascal30

Isn't it interesting how many of these terms are poultry based duck, love a duck, chick, chicken, chicks, duckie, bird, and hen

Just musing..

Duck actually comes from the Anglo Saxon word ‘ducas’ which was a term of respect, like boss or guvnor.

Many of the animal ones are because names for young animals and birds became interchangeable with terms of endearment for little children.

Did the West Midlands ‘chick’ morph into the Lancastrian ‘chuck’, I wonder

My mother called me 'chick'
My DB called each other 'Our kid'

It’s sweet isn’t it.
Katie Price’a younger daughter is actually called Bunny

FannyCornforth

And I suppose that chickens and ducks were the most widely ‘domesticated’ animals.

Apparently, ‘bunny’ was first used for little children, and then some how got attached to rabbits

Ah.. a friend of mine always called her daughter bunny, not her real name..

Being considerate to each other doesnt mean one person has to accept and submit to what the other is doing, despite the intentions being good or innocent

The N word is a good example, it illustrates how society changes

When something becomes unacceptable, why keep saying "i have always done it this way, i dont mean to insult you?" expecting others to just accept it and not even question it?

I have empathy for others - something else is using a medical condition to justify what has annoyed multiple people already

A medical condition is not a blank card to be accommodated by others no matter what and not try to at least remediate on the patient's end

How i hear it?
"I am how i am and it is your issue that you do not accept my explanation for what you consider unacceptable behaviour
So you choose to be "woke" despite my explanation - that's your problem, not mine and this is not my fault"

This is the main issue with me
If being called darling bothers me and i tell you so and why, i would accept it slips out due to years of practice
However, i would also expect you to try to meet me half way or make an effort to acknowledge my concern

And I suppose that chickens and ducks were the most widely ‘domesticated’ animals.

Apparently, ‘bunny’ was first used for little children, and then some how got attached to rabbits

pascal30

Isn't it interesting how many of these terms are poultry based duck, love a duck, chick, chicken, chicks, duckie, bird, and hen

Just musing..

Duck actually comes from the Anglo Saxon word ‘ducas’ which was a term of respect, like boss or guvnor.

Many of the animal ones are because names for young animals and birds became interchangeable with terms of endearment for little children.

Did the West Midlands ‘chick’ morph into the Lancastrian ‘chuck’, I wonder

volver3

^if the person being called darling is not aware that an elderly man may have always called women darling, then they need to be more aware/woke.^

If the elderly man had always called people of colour ni**ers, would that make it OK to keep doing that?

Its not that he has always done it, its that his "filter" may have gone. That's what other people need to be aware of.

There is a whole world of difference between using the N word and calling someone darling.

Isn't it interesting how many of these terms are poultry based duck, love a duck, chick, chicken, chicks, duckie, bird, and hen

Just musing..

We have lots of these expressions in Leicestershire ... darling love m'duck all meant in a kindly way.

Whatever happened to people being more considerate to each other. I would not take offence at being called darling. It happens to me often at work.

sankev

I don’t remember there ever being such a word as ‘woke ‘ when I was a child, now it seems to be used in every sentence (maybe a slight exaggeration) but I am truly sick of it!
My DH has had several strokes and other health problems, and though recovering well he often comes out with things that we now consider inappropriate. Calling a receptionist ‘darling’ ( locally used frequently by older generation) or similar such things. Nothing too terrible but he is beginning to get some disapproving responses. Thankfully nothing too serious but hopefully you get the gist.
Problem is I’m beginning to get anxious when we are out and find myself correcting him. This is both unfair on him and though I do it respectfully it feels as though I’m being derogatory.
Does anyone else have similar issues or am I just being overly sensitive? I probably haven’t explained myself very clearly but hopefully you get the idea. He’s a lovely gentleman and very friendly and I feel so sorry for him when people don’t react the way he expects.

If your DH has had several strokes and other health problems, you have more to worry about than what the rest of the world thinks.
Let them jump in the lake.

Hithere

Your rights cannot infringe mine, empathy or not

Being called "darling" is very much a nono

Good job you don’t work in the theatre.

In my native Liverpool people still freely use "luv", "darlin" and "mate". Its just part of everyday argot.

Some posters have suggested that a man calling a woman love or darling is patronising because he would not use such terms to another man. Instead men can employ such terms as "mate" and "pal" in a tone of voice which is anything but friendly.

Of course, if there was such a thing as the ‘wokeness police’, and if they controlled the world, everyone would have a deep understanding of disability, and the challenges people with disabilities face.