Do you or anyone you know “enjoy” poor health?

I have some one at work who tells all about her intimate problems even men she doesn’t know. People hide when they see her coming, and I have been known to hide in the kitchen. Some people have no boundaries

One of my friends whose first words whenever you speak or see her is of her ailment of the day,said to me I know I go on about them but you listen and I have no one else to tell.

I think the real problem is loneliness,
another friend is similar,we all live alone,I listen but it does drain me so have to manage the visits in terms of time and place and duration and when to return phone calls otherwise I end up feeling trapped.
Been a unavailable a few times recently due to my own recovery from surgery.

PamQS
I’m in a chronic pain situation too.
I think that if one is genuinely ill, there is no enjoyment whatsoever.

When I worked, I must admit that I did enjoy a good wallow at home in the dressing gown of doom in front of afternoon tv when I had a bad virus

I have a chronic pain disorder - at least, that’s the label the rheumatologist put on it. I don’t enjoy it at all! I’ve also got other things going on as well - too numerous to mention. People often ask me about my health and I find it boring listening to myself, so I try to limit how much I talk about it. I find life pretty dull, because I’m usually tired, and if I do decide to go out I can easily be tired before I get there.

There was a standing joke in my family that my Granny enjoyed ill health. As a child I can remember the kitchen cupboard being chockablock with prescription pain killers. My Mum told me when she was first dating my Dad she visited his home many times but his Mum (granny) was always in bed as, she was poorly. Granny lived in her own home till two weeks before she died aged 99. She outlived my Papa by nearly thirty years. No matter what ailment someone had Granny had always had it in a more severe form. She grew up on a farm where there was little money and lived the first four decades of her life before the NHS existed but boy did she make good use of it when it did appear! She was lovely and sharp as a tack right up till the end.
One of the casual workers at my job complained that she had backache due to the walkie talkies we use. The walkie talkies probably weigh less than a pound!!!

I hate going to the doctors and avoid it as much as possible. Whilst I can hide some things or not speak about them, my problems with my back are very evident. Getting out of the car is painful and a struggle so my way is to have a piece of paper in my hand and stand there looking as though I am checking my shopping list, rather than waiting for the pain to ease to get going. I love my yellow peril as when I am on that I am independent and dont need to ask for help. There are so many things I would like to do , and places to visit that I try to focus on hoping to get going. I do , no doubt, talk more about my back and the cancer, but it is usually my plans at the moment. I can drive ok and will plan to go and take someone to something but do have to say, yes will pick you up 9.30am but if my back is bad will ring you by 8.30 am if I am not able to go.Rather talk about my garden or music but each to his or her own \I suppose.

GrowingOldDisgracefully, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that your friend is not interested in anyone else’s problems. I would think that this is the common denominator in many of these people. One of the two friends I mentioned upthread had a problem with ear wax and a minor ear infection and was going on and on about it, including going to the hospital. She knows that I have had serious ear problems all my life, including two mastoid operations. At that time I was awaiting treatment for my normally “good” ear and I wear two hearing aids but she was not interested in anything but her own problems. My view is that ailments are generally of interest to the sufferer only and that most people do not want to hear about them (endlessly). Of course people are concerned when it is a genuine, serious problem but once the patient has, hopefully, recovered we don’t need to hear any more about it. I, personally, find that “fine, thank you” is the best response to being asked how I am except for extremely close friends and family if there is a proper reason for it. It can be taken to extremes, though. When l was fifteen I had a very bad bout of bronchitis. Family friends came to visit and asked me how I was to which I automatically said “fine, thank you.” My mother reminded me that actually I was not.

I know my daughter has told me often about the time wasters, but this thread has brought the whole horrible truth home to me. It’s mind boggling how many people like this there are. No wonder genuine cases can’t get appointments!

I have a 'friend' just like many mentioned on here. You name it, she's had it, far worse than anyone else and worse than anything the doctors have ever seen. She says she had been blacklisted by her GP, as she phoned for an appt and was told there were none available for weeks, yet her husband phoned for an appt for himself and was given a next day appt, sounds like she's right!
One instance of time wasting which made me very cross, as it was clear wasting of NHS resource, is that a private test for a condition had proved she was clear of it, but she then let her GP refer her for the same test.
She also has counselling, but falls out with every counsellor as they don't tell her what she wants to hear.
She has no real interest in other people's problems, other than just a passing acknowledgement, and I am afraid that most of us in our mutual group now keep contact to a minimum, or have ceased contact altogether. Very sad in some respects as she clearly has some mental health issues, but if anyone has heard of people being either drains or radiators, she is a very big drain!

I am a sitting target at the moment, recovering from hip surgery.
The main culprits take it as a reason to expand their issues,and tell me all of their ailments,two of them have now discovered painful hips on their list.
My brother rang me the day after surgery,complaining of earache.
In answer to a quickly mumbled how are you, my answer is fine thanks.

Fleurpepper

Yes, a huge issue as those people do not want to follow doctors advice, cigarettes, alcohol in large quantities and no exercise- despite all 3 being the key to recovery. But they don't want to recover- as illness is the tool they use to put pressure on others.

I know somebody like that. As far as I know, she doesn't smoke or drink, but she's becoming increasingly obese, has joint problems and claims to be bed-bound. She suffers from depression, but (despite intensive treatment and help from social services) does nothing to help herself. She has her children running around doing things for her, complains constantly they don't do enough and causes them to squabble amongst themselves. She's always been manipulative and I honestly think this is her way of controlling her children, even now they are adults and have their own families.

Yes, a huge issue as those people do not want to follow doctors advice, cigarettes, alcohol in large quantities and no exercise- despite all 3 being the key to recovery. But they don't want to recover- as illness is the tool they use to put pressure on others.

Farzanah

I think most of us will know someone who falls into this category, or indeed perhaps we do ourselves 😩

Many of us have health problems as we age, but don’t necessarily take pleasure in sharing them with all and sundry.
It’s easy to be critical of those who do and are frequent users of health services for trivia, “Heart sink patients” a medical (disrespectful) term!

I try to feel sympathy, although irritated at times, because I think some need the attention which they are lacking in every day life. Some have real health phobias (fear of death for example). Sometimes health anxiety may stem from childhood experience and upbringing. I don’t think often it is within a person’s control, unless they recognise it as problematic and seek help.

I think you're right Farzanah regarding childhood experiences and upbringing.
I made a new friend when I was 14 and visited her house regularly after school, I noticed that the dining table always had her mothers medications sitting in the centre. This was strange to me, in my home medications stayed in the bedroom and it was generally a private matter.
About ten years ago, after a forty year friendship I fell out with my friend who I loved like a sister.
She constantly complained yet never followed her doctors advice, she chain smoked and sat for hours. Her husband would relay to me what the doctor had suggested, he was trying to get me to help so I asked her to join me on my daily walks. She came twice and complained, I gave up my 5 a day smoking habit, trying to show it could be done and yet she seemed to make up for it by smoking more!
Over time she became bitter and was often zoned out on antidepressants, and she didn't follow her therapists advice either. She had multiple issues about all her family members which were never resolved. She became her own worst enemy and her moods began affecting me in a really negative way.
It was a a tough decision to 'break up' but one I have not regretted. I value my good health, mental and physical...the two are definitely linked but that was something she didn't acknowledge even though professionals explained this to her.

I have friend who as so many things wrong with her that when she visits for coffee my dear husband will offer to make the coffees , then when she as gone he says well while I was making the coffees and listen to her telling me about her latest ailments he as come to the conclusion that she as had everything accept Leprosy !!

It’s name is hypochondria. This is another reason why so many experiences great difficulty obtaining appointments with their GPS. Should we start paying to see them. Plenty of other countries do eg Australia, New Zealand…..

My partner's mother is one of these, if you've had it she's had it worse!!
She apparently several years ago went and had a full body scan, and didn't believe tho Doc when he said she's in perfect health, she's just had her 92nd birthday!

I thought your husband was a GP. You have posted about it, the unsocial hours, having to answer the phone etc. Why does he have to be on GN for you to tell us his (anonymous) views about these issues? My husband is not a medical man so his views are of no greater import than mine.

Germanshepherdsmum

Sorry, do you mean Gransnet byGN? How is that relevant? Are you no longer married to the GP you used to write about, quite recently I believe?

My answer was perfectly clear. he is not on Gransnet. What does yours think about it?

Germanshepherdsmum

Perhaps that’s the answer - and there might be fewer no shows. Good on your daughter! It must be very satisfying to save a life.

I agree 100% GSM ! I’d happily pay a fixed fee and my bestie was married to a wonderful GP (sadly passed away) and the stories he told about constant “wasted” visits and no-shows !!

Btw my husband was “struck-off” our GP because he only went once in 22 years and this was because I made go to check that his “Bells Palsy” wasn’t a stroke !! They did put him back on their books though

Sorry, do you mean Gransnet byGN? How is that relevant? Are you no longer married to the GP you used to write about, quite recently I believe?

What’s GN? My husband isn’t a doctor, therefore I asked you. I recall that your husband is/was a GP.

Germanshepherdsmum

What does your GP husband say about this fp?

I don't know, he is not on GN. What does yours think of it?

Oh dear indeed. Most GP s could write a book, many in fact- about hyponchondriacs and the 'worried well'.

I have a neighbour who I am friendly with but oh I am so fed up listening about the pain in her leg/back. Every week it's the same, what can it be? I have been stupid suggesting she see a GP but I know she won't. How can I take her seriously when she goes walking for sometimes 10 miles every weekend and walks round the area for 5 miles often twice a week. Only yesterday I was informed a her holiday this year will be to north of England where she will be walking for miles a day visiting different sites. I just promptly change the subject now

Witzend

I used to know someone who ‘enjoyed’ it. He used to regale virtual strangers, poor things, with the most gruesome details. A dd was once acutely embarrassed when he ear-bashed some poor woman outside the village church with his willy problems!
All sympathy/attention seeking - he didn’t like it a bit if his wife was ever ill and getting the attention.

Thanks, that made me laugh!

But yes it is sad.

I think we older people know that things will/are starting to go wrong with our bodies and I think a little bit of talking about it is quite healthy. But that's for close friends and for a small part of our conversations. We can reassure each other somewhat.

Perhaps that’s the answer - and there might be fewer no shows. Good on your daughter! It must be very satisfying to save a life.