Endless fretting about "School mums" and party invites.

My two had late spring and early summer birthdays three week apart so we always had a joint party in the middle with friends for both.

We where lucky to have patio doors to open on to the garden.

We had fancy dress one year and an entertainer another,and others just games and prizes.

The parties from the age of 5 -10, culminated with a joint disco for two classes and other friends in the community centre I think about 72 children it was chaos,well supervised and organised and so much fun.

I loved doing the parties it was such a happy time, I loved seeing them having fun.

I was able to do the same for my DGD,who I brought up from the age of 4, happy memories for all of us.

Does that make me a bad mum?

I keep hearing this phrase. Every time a parent dos the slightest thing different or doesn't do what people think they should they castigate themselves and talk about themselves being bad mums It is utterly ridiculous, none of us is a perfect mum, and how many times have we discussed this?

There are far less rigid barriers around what being a 'good' mother is now than when most of us had children when there was a strong general feeling that the place for a mother was in the home, not in the work place and now most of us are relaxed and happy with diversity, in this specific case in the make up of families and life styles, so why this obsession with being a 'bad mum' every time someone doesn't give a child the party of their dreams, designer clothes, or a perfect trouble free childhood?

When I was a child you had a little get together at the other child's house. Only friends/cousins/siblings attended (usually about ten kids) and you had sandwiches, little gems and jelly and custard, played musical chairs and pass the parcel. You took your slippers and made sure you said 'Thank you for having me'. One girl's mum ran a guest house and they were great parties as she had the space for games, tea and dancing the twist to an old record player with stacked records. Good old early 60s.

Another thing about children’s parties nowadays- it seems a lot of parents stay for the actual party, instead of dropping the child off and returning later.

Why?

Is it because they need to be helicoptering around the child at all times, checking they are ok, not eating too much of the wrong food, not being missed out of any of the games?

I would have hated other mums hanging around at any parties I hosted. And wouldn’t have wanted to stay myself at others, feeling obliged to lend a hand.

Does that make me a bad mum?

Probably.

Quote M0nica Tue 16-May-23 20:35:05
There are far too many sweeping statements on this thread
Yes, SOME parents and children get all het up about parties and play dates, but an awful lot don't. The same with extravagent parties. SOME parents and chidlren want to have these parties and out Jones the Joneses, but an awful lot don't
Thank you for some common sense.
Alas “far too many sweeping statements” is too often par for the course

Yes, it didnt happen when I was little either. I had friends round and banana sandwiches and cake. But these days its very common to invite a whole class to places like village halls and in a way I think thats nice so no one gets left out. (tho the story of no one turning up is very sad - it hasn't happened to the ones I hear about, they are all too glad to get out and play on a saturday afternoon and mums and grans (few dads) have a good natter)

Erm...she's 7 going on 13 Callistemon and I believe all had a good time. she had her princess dress on despite also attending climbing and athletics clubs and being the first (to frustration of elder brother) to swing on ropes over water, jump off rocks, climb trees, etc.

I couldn't have invited the whole class to my parties (I only remember having two).
There were 42 girls in my class at primary school and we only had a little house.

Felt sorry for the unbest boyfriends. but this was a one off
😂😂😂
How old is she?

My super confident DGD decided to invite her best girl friend, her two "best boyfriends", and two other boys. Starbucks and playground outing.

Felt sorry for the unbest boyfriends. but this was a one off.

They live in rural Co Durham where money is scare and a lot of families hire the village hall for next to nothing and have DIY family catering and v cheap party bags and games. cuppas for mums and grans and lots of noise and dashing around.

Apart from one birthday party the only parties I can remember are coronation street parties for Elizabeth II. I was 9 then and I dont remember any others. Perhaps by then I had grown out of them and had other ways to spend my time.

Imagine inviting 30 kids ot a party! The tought would fill me with horror. However do you amuse 30 kids?

It’s become ridiculous with some (not all, I stress). This need to compete, outdo, etc, at huge cost. Why? Also, how do these parents that do it, afford it?
My parents simply told me they couldn’t afford it if I asked for something they couldn’t afford. I accepted it (had no choice, I suppose. If I’d sulked, it wouldn’t have changed anything - if it couldn’t be afforded, it didn’t happen).
I think I attended one birthday tea party, if memory serves me right (it’s a long time ago 😁), and I recall having one tea party for a birthday with a limited number of friends, never the whole class). I seem to have grown up relatively undamaged by such restrictions!!

There are far to many sweeping statements on this thread.
Yes, SOME parents and children get all het up about parties and play dates, but an awful lot don't. The same with extravagent parties. SOME parents and chidlren want to have these parties and out Jone the Jones, but an awful lot don't.

I can remember taking DGD and a group of friends to a Farm Park. We packed a picnic because, once the entrance was bought, the cost of a party table and food was just too expensive.

My father was in the army and different groups, Officers, Sergeants etc would organise parties for ALL the children on the base. My mother insisted that my sister and I went, but we loathed them, we didn't know anyone, neither of us was that keen on party food(iced diamonds, playbox biscuits and blancmange and jelly) and the event always finished with slapstick comedy films, Charlie Chaplin, Abbott & Costello, Laurel and Hardy, which neither of us liked.

My children had parties at home until while they were in primary school. After that, it was an outing or meal out with a couple of friends.

I think this low key approach is far more common than the very expensive parties.

I remember a few years ago a girl of about 10 was having a birthday party. Her parents are not well off and live in a tiny house but they booked the village hall and did all the food and had a mini disco and not a single child from school turned up. I felt so sorry for that kid. So there was just her parents, her 4 older brothers and their girlfriends.

If your face doesn’t fit, childhood can be a miserable place.

My son in law is very extravagant with the children’s birthdays.
We have a family meal ( with cake, 😄) on the day then on the next weekend all the friends and neighbours are invited to a big do.
It’s lovely 🥰

While I agree the whole birthday party scene has gotten way out of hand (just like bachelor and hen parties), I do understand the 'play date'.

Families have so much on the go with sports, music, brownies, etc, and most parents work. There isn't much time left over for unstructured play. Yes, we used to knocking on doors to 'call on' our friends to come out, but mothers tended to be home after school, and we would play in the neighbourhood until dinnertime, or the street lights came on!

Parties at home for my now AC until they replaced a party with a special treat - a day at a theme park with a friend invited to come too for example.
G'chn also have had parties at home on the whole, though there was a hall used when GS wanted a football party - with a January birthday that one was always going to be indoors.
Generally parties here are pretty low key.

When teaching at school we had traditional parties - pass the parcel, pin the tail on something relevant to the party, home-made hats, jelly and ice-cream - the lot. The children loved them and so did the parents who came along too!

We have 3 AC. When they were little , all bday parties were held in our house / garden - no hiring of halls etc. and certainly no ‘play dates’. My GCs too have parties at home - I think once or twice the parents have hired the church hall.

We had 5 children of our own, so didn`t go in for big parties. They were held at home, and the child concerned invited 6 friends, we played games for little prizes that the lady at the newsagent sourced for me.

I'm so glad that my children are grown up and no grandkids. So no parties to bother over.
On the subject of parents trying to outdo other parents we watched a programme recently called Billionaire Blooms. The couple from London spent thousands of pounds decorating their home for a childs party with flowers, giant ice cream cones, fairground horses and a dodgem car. What a waste of money and how many parents of children could compete with that.

Absolute nonsense thank goodness my kids and grandkids just had ordinary tea parties, some food, some games, a cake and party bags that ll do nicely and as for play dates I hate the term it s like finger nails on a chalk board

Galaxy

It must be quite difficult for young parents. We currently have two threads going, one saying young parents are neglectful and another saying they are over involved.

Came here to say something similar. And yet we will still see the moaning threads where the youth don’t bother and we wonder why

Took my daughter 6 days to make DGS's cake this year. The alternative was to spend £80 on a cake. Apparently. I'm not convinced.

Seemingly, kids parties are now either an excuse for parents to have a p**s up, or an opportunity for 'one upmanship' to see who can spend the most on their childs party.

Gone are the days of a plate of sandwiches, crisps, orange squash and jelly all served up in the garden if the weather was fine followed by 'pass the parcel' and 'blind mans buff'.

It seems parties have to be Instagram-worthy, it is not a proper party without a balloon arch and a very fancy bespoke birthday cake.