Why do people lie?

The problem is that people tend to avoid liars once they find out and that probably makes them lie even more to impress their few friends. I find liars very hard to like and the trouble is, once found out, you tend to think they lie about everything which may well be unfair.

I have known a few people over the years who have been pathological liars. They don’t all fall into the category of why though.

One, an ex boyfriend, lied non stop in order to cover up who he really was to the extent I don’t think he, himself, knew who he really was as he was all things to all people and was desperate to be liked. He was a chameleon and adjusted his persona to whoever he was with.

One short lived friendship was with a woman that just lied all the time in order to be top dog. I just couldn’t relate to such a person and had to end the ‘friendship’.

I know a man (happily married and very wealthy) that lies and exaggerates everything. Nice man but if something costs 1 million he’ll say 50 million. It’s really over the top exaggeration and I’ve often wondered if his wife gets embarrassed; I know I would.

Some people just lie for no reason, others to get out of trouble, others to impress. There’s a myriad of reasons but I hate it.

My ex was a liar,he would make excuses and invent reasons why he couldnt do such and such,and I would know them to be lies and call him Out on it.
Biggest lie came when his " girlfriend" messaged me and said he was her partner,and sent me photos of them together ,and he flat out denied it was him and he didnt know her.
That was the day he became my ex.

When Friends Reunited first came on the scene, I joined and saw someone who had been in my class at school and we had gone through 6 years of education together and were friends for several years both in and out of school. She had totally lied about her so-called academic achievements.

When I wrote to her, she didn't reply and suddenly deleted her profile, perhaps suddenly realising how many people would notice she had lied.

We all tell little white lies mainly not to upset people !

I think that I've lost count being asked if I think that someone is fat and I've replied that she isn't !

I hate being taken for a fool - when it's a blatant untruth :

Years ago , a friend was having a Sixties party to celebrate her sixtieth birthday and invited me .

I bought her a present and then , began to get my outfit including a curly wig .

I didn't hear anymore about the party and asked her when was it going to be .

She said that it was cancelled .

Photos of the party were on her whats app .

Normally , I wouldn't have said anything , but I asked her .
And listened to a list of pathetic excuses .

That's the second time that she's invited me to something and it's the last .

I have a friend who grew up in the same modest circumstances as many of our generation.
Suddenly her H got a fantastic opportunity and they became very well off.
She never reinvented herself , still talking about both of their humble beginnings but grossly exaggerating their current lifestyle.
I bought a new dress which I knew was a new line, when I wore it she said , oh I bought that last year, I sent it to a charity shop.
She told me they had been to look at an apartment in a large mansion conversion but it wasn’t too their taste or standard but those particular happenings never took place as planning permission was not granted.
Such an easy thing to prove although I still didn’t say anything.
The latest was that they had visited a certain expensive holiday island several times when I know they haven’t been at all.
I cannot explain why she does this because she certainly doesn’t need to.

I don't understand it either. Then the people who lie so much they believe their own lies or version of lies to be truth. They are the dangerous ones

I can't lie I just do not have it in me and consider it pointless. I am not nasty though (like one of those 'say it like it is' people)

The trouble with lying is that one lie inevitably leads to another and another and another until the liar forgets who knows what - easier just to not lie.

Ive been interested in some of the expose programs of criminals who were "caught in a lie". What comes out is that when questioned liars (who are guilty of a serious offence) will have rehersed their "story" so its often filled with elaborate detail. Think of Ian Huntley, the Soham girls murderer. He not only told elaborate lies to the police and the media but deliberately put himself out there, being "helpful" and thus drawing attention to himself.

Truth tellers usually deliver a much more basic version of their activities. They have no need to work up a story because they know they are telling the truth. And they expect to be believed. When quizzed on the details truth tellers often have to think carefully. Whereas liars will be able to easily reel off exactly what they had for dinner that night, what TV programs they watched, and so on.

A really clever criminal who wanted to conceal their activities would neither hide from investigation or deliberately put themselves in the spotlight. They would behave like others in the community. And when asked to give an account of their movements on that night produce a much more general account with some hesitation.

Its also possible that some liars, in the process of making up and rehersing their stories, will actually have come to believe in their own fantasy. Especially if they are recalling events from long ago or their childhood. What actually happened becomes mixed up with how they felt at the time.

Another reason for lying is to avoid conflict and arguments; I have been guilty of this eg one of my DD’s gets very angry and unpleasant if we admit to helping one of her sisters, they have jealousy issues so I will often lie about help I am giving that daughter to prevent being raged at or her calling her sister up and shouting at her! I know is avoidant behaviour and not very healthy but I cant stand drama and rows and will try to avoid them at all costs

If someone's life is pretty unbearable they sometime fantasise a different one. They almost believe it's true themselves.

"My friend has invited me to live in USA. I know some good shares to buy. A bank robber I know has given me loot to look after"
I've met people like that.

People lie because they are afraid. Afraid of the consequences if they don't, afraid of being found out, etc. etc. We all do it, to a lesser or greater extent, and all because we are afraid.

Many years ago at university, I shared accommodation with someone who seemed to have led an extraordinary life..... academically, sexual conquests etc. I was wide-eyed at her exploits and so relieved at being at last in the big wide world following a childhood of narrow nonconformity in the north ( Part of the latter was always to be seen to be telling the truth)
I caught her in the act of telling me some obviously invented story, realised the situation suddenly ...and grabbng her by the arm shouted ' Why do always lie'

'Because my life is so very boring;' came the first honest reponse she had ever made to me

Another friend, whose circumstances had changed dramatically since childhood from riches to rags, had a brain that would not allow her to accept her latterly true position in society. Her children confirmed that what I said of her past, as divulged by her to me, was true

Only the friend had forgotten every situation in her own saga which both her family and I had observed as time passed...
The first friend certainly lied but the second?

Perhaps their circumstances changed quite suddenly ie family illness - lost a great deal of money in failed investments - realised they'd made a bad. choice of house, perhaps they had a falling out between themselves...........there could be countless reasons but it. doesn't really make them liars surely?
Maybe you're being oversensitive and reading more into it than is actual fact.

Unfortunately some people just can’t stop themselves because they like to be in the limelight. I’ve never been any good at it myself always go red in the face so I’ve never bothered lol. But it is one of my pet hates too I just don’t see the point because they always get caught out in the end

Sometimes people lie because their lives are mundane and boring .
We used to know someone who used to tell some real whoppers .
When her daughter had her hair cut -Buckingham Palace were on stand by because Princess Anne needed a wig .
I don't think that four inches of soft baby hair would have sufficed .

Then the medical dramas :

She had exactly what I had - a fracture which failed to heal .

In her case , amputation was the only option .
And to illustrate it , she would do things with one arm in anticipation of being one armed . This made every sympathesise with her .

After years of it and other stories about brain tumours - when her husband came over to do some DIY - I finally said , I'm really sorry about Margaret's health problems .
And he said , haven't you twigged yet - it's all in her head .

Of course , it was .

I recounted something that had happened to me once. A year or so later she told me the same story (same people involved and not something that happens often) as if it had happened to her! In her case I think it just makes her feel more interesting.

there was a radio 4 prog recently about lies, we all do it ,the reasons varied ,the research suggests men tell the bigger lies ,oooer!

Years ago I had a ‘friend’ who lied about things going in her life to make everything sound wonderful and better than everyone else. It became very wearing! Our friendship fizzled out because I couldn’t trust what she said. IMO trust is the basis of friendship and, when one person lies about random things, all trust is eroded.

Maybe they felt embarassed to say that they wanted to move as you would only want to question the reasons why they wanted to move? Did they offer the statement that they wanted to stay or did you ask them if they were happy? people feel cornered and have all types of strange reactions. I once was told my a senior manager that I was not fitting into the organisation in a full meeting . As my colleague was having an affair with another manager, my initial reaction was to lash out as I felt cornered and did not want an affair.

I never make a practice of lying.
My problem is on the other end of the spectrum - I say what’s on my mind! Even if you don’t like it! You can’t handle the TRUTH?

Well, I’ve tried to tone it down in my older age (and HAD to professionally, working in customer service) But I believe my real friends know who I am - more brutally comical than anything else. Telling lies gets you nowhere, except in over your head.
Cheers!
USA Gundy

Liars can cause a significant amount of disruption as I found with an ex partner, particularly when they make up stories about other people and are believed. Lies are awful although we have all probably told little white 'porkies'. I now have zero tolerance for liars and also lying by omission.

I had a neighbour who lied and about so many things, I believed little that she said or did. You can't change people who have lived their life doing that. She also borrowed things and thought they then belonged to her. It was very difficult to get things back you thought you had only lent. It taught me to be very wary about trusting anyone after living beside her for 4 years.

Pathological lying is a mental health condition. I have known one such person - and it created big problems in his life. I found this on the internet:A Definition of Pathological Lying

What is pathological lying? Based on our work, we were able to develop a formal definition. Pathological lying is a persistent, pervasive, and often compulsive pattern of excessive lying behavior that leads to clinically significant impairment of functioning in social, occupational, or other areas; causes marked distress; poses a risk to the self or others; and occurs for longer than six months.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave/when first we practice to deceive" I would tie myself up in knots if I tried to lie and most liars get found out.
Many of us probably tell the occasional lie to avoid a social event for instance but I always feel guilty so I end up going.
It's blatant lies I really can't understand.