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Someone taking photographs when you don't know

(58 Posts)
NaughtyNantheRed Tue 06-Jun-23 13:13:59

At a recent family event, out for a meal and first time I have seen my grand-daughter (who is away at Uni) in a while and who's had her birthday. I had taken her birthday gifts with me and sat next to her enjoying her delight when she opened her gifts one by one. Unbeknown to me, however, was that her father's (my son) partner, opposite me at the table, was taking photographs of this. I wasn't informed this had been planned, was unhappy at the photographs, and felt it was something that had been imposed upon me. I was happy to enjoy special moments with my lovely grand-daughter without someone imposing upon the situation and taking photographs. Am I over-reacting or being unreasonable?

62Granny Tue 06-Jun-23 14:58:03

Why do you think it was unreasonable? Is it because you don't look good, do you not like having your photo taken? Or would you rather have a " posed" shot. I much prefer un-posed for shots the are more natural and I would love to have a copy of this type of photo given to me . In fact my DD have me one for mothers day. Or was it because it was your sons partner taking the photograph, who I am presuming is the DGD mother?

62Granny Tue 06-Jun-23 15:14:40

Should read
"Not your DGD mother"

M0nica Tue 06-Jun-23 15:55:16

I have a photo of myself, aged two, standing in the garden with my doll held in front of me. The photo was for my father, then in the army in India. On the back of the photo my mother has written This is a photo of dolly, not M0nica that is how far back my dislike of being photographed goes, and nothing has changed since, except I usually try to hide behind something a bit larger than a rag doll.

However, in this situation, unless family members knew the OP did not want to be photographed, then she is both over reacting and being unreasonable.

HowVeryDareYou2 Tue 06-Jun-23 15:58:25

I hate having my photo taken (I should say because I hate the way I look), but my eldest son says the photos he takes are for the GDs to look back on in years to come grin. None get posted on Facebook or anywhere.

Ladyleftfieldlover Tue 06-Jun-23 16:04:02

Unreasonable, absolutely. I do hope you didn’t kick up a fuss. I don’t photograph well any more, but so what?

Callistemon21 Tue 06-Jun-23 16:07:10

I'm not photogenic and hate having my photo taken but it's a normal part of family life now.

However, the ones taken when you're absorbed in something else eg, watching someone open their presents, are often better because you're relaxed.

I do censor some taken of me, though!

GrannyGravy13 Tue 06-Jun-23 16:07:22

I would have been pleased to have photos of myself and GD however, I would have asked that none of the photos with me in them were posted on Facebook or similar social media sites.

My family know how I feel about this and so far have been happy to respect my wishes.

Callistemon21 Tue 06-Jun-23 16:11:43

biglouis
A different scenario altogether and totally irrelevant to the OP imo.

Norah Tue 06-Jun-23 16:11:56

Most seem to think taking photos of others is normal or at least somewhat acceptable. Yet I know I've read, here, people wondering at photos of only the toes of Harry's child, or the child's head covered?

Are people actually entitled to photos? Of other people?

Disclaimer: I very much dislike photos.

Washerwoman Tue 06-Jun-23 16:21:49

I'm the same re social media.I don't mind photos being taken but expect to be shown and asked before they are widely shared.Feel its only polite.But you do sound to be overreacting in this instance,

Louella12 Tue 06-Jun-23 16:27:12

Today we expect photos to be taken at family functions

Callistemon21 Tue 06-Jun-23 16:50:50

Yet I know I've read, here, people wondering at photos of only the toes of Harry's child, or the child's head covered?

Harry's children are not my grandchildren.

Norah Tue 06-Jun-23 17:34:23

Callistemon21

^Yet I know I've read, here, people wondering at photos of only the toes of Harry's child, or the child's head covered?^

Harry's children are not my grandchildren.

Agreed.

My point was for whatever reason people seem to like photos. Many times someone is being invaded, nobody seems to care.

biglouis Tue 06-Jun-23 17:35:12

There were no smart phones when I was a kid but I always deliberately scowled on family photos! Or put my hands over my face.

Foxygloves Tue 06-Jun-23 17:43:29

So basically OP is saying SHE has to give permission for her grand daughter’s father’s partner to take pictures of the girl opening her presents.
Controlling or what?

Norah Tue 06-Jun-23 17:49:48

Foxygloves

So basically OP is saying SHE has to give permission for her grand daughter’s father’s partner to take pictures of the girl opening her presents.
Controlling or what?

No, Foxygloves, her father could be polite and ask if anyone wished to be in photographs. I typically agree with you, not on this topic though, people are allowed to feel as they feel about photos.

NotSpaghetti Tue 06-Jun-23 18:10:57

I do not expect photos/videos to be taken without the knowledge of the people in them (or, in the case of children, the parents/guardians).

I still feel cross about a video which was taken by my son's new sister-in-law on the first birthday of his little boy.
I bit my lip however - and have no idea what happened to it.
I do know my son doesn't have a copy.

NotSpaghetti Tue 06-Jun-23 18:20:30

That said, we had a family picnic type gathering recently when our son and fiancée were over on a rare visit from America and I did ask around afterwards if anyone had any snaps - but not one of us took a single photo.
There were 12 smartphones there all day!
I think some families are just less snap-happy.

welbeck Tue 06-Jun-23 18:43:41

OP, maybe you could take to carrying a handheld fan, and learn the language of fans.
you could open it with a flourish to block your face at the first sight of photos being taken.

www.vogue.com/article/secret-language-of-the-fan-eighteenth-century-fans-de-young-museum

pascal30 Tue 06-Jun-23 20:02:45

It would be pretty unusual if photos hadn't been taken..

Oopsadaisy1 Tue 06-Jun-23 20:33:19

Unless the photos are being posted on FB or other social media sites then yes you are being unreasonable.

But if they get onto social media then you are well within your rights to ask them to pixilate the image of yourself.

Foxygloves Tue 06-Jun-23 20:47:45

@Norah OP does not say the pictures are necessarily of her but of her granddaughter opening her presents.
And the GD is not a child, but home from university so parental permission need not be sought - of course the pictures were being taken by her fathers partner - virtually her stepmother.
I wonder if this is at the heart of the issue? Some animus between OP and her sons partner?

Norah Tue 06-Jun-23 21:25:19

Foxygloves

@Norah OP does not say the pictures are necessarily of her but of her granddaughter opening her presents.
And the GD is not a child, but home from university so parental permission need not be sought - of course the pictures were being taken by her fathers partner - virtually her stepmother.
I wonder if this is at the heart of the issue? Some animus between OP and her sons partner?

Noted, I read it as the OP was also in the pictures,

I jumped to my position, I dislike being in photos.

Sorry, I jumped wrong!

sodapop Tue 06-Jun-23 21:41:28

I rather got that impression as well Norah would you have felt the same way if your son was taking the pictures NaughtyNantheRed

MerylStreep Tue 06-Jun-23 21:42:00

I bet you were a laugh a minute at this happy gathering.
Don’t worry, I don’t think you’ll be invited to another 😱