Should I just scatter the ashes anyway?

Witzend my parents died 10 years apart and wanted their ashes scattered together. So my brother and I at dusk went to a hut by the river Severn they loved to sit in and have a picnic. I had mom's and my brother dad's so we scattered them mixing them together some went down the bank and into the river. Its no allowed but we did what they wanted . My brother said if anyone came along and told us off he would said well you pick them up. It wasn't sad as it's only ash not them.

My husband died 19 years ago his ashes are in my wardrobe. My daughter will scatter us together somewhere pretty. And hopefully a nice patch of flowers grow but knowing us it will be a patch of nettles 🤣 . My husband was 47 when he died . I am now 65.

Being cremated for us was the sensible as I have only been to one burial. The coffin was beautiful as it was made from wicker. But I would hate for a loved one of mind to just end up as a rotting corpse and then skeleton. Plus my friend has no family so she will be buried with her husband when the time comes but then there is no one to look after the grave. She visits it everyday I understand her need but it's not him .

My husband lives in in my head and heart and our children and grandson's. He stopped existing the moment he took his last breath. I am an atheist as all our family so don't believe in God or the ever after. But what gives me comfort my husband lives on in our children and grandson's DNA. But we all find comfort where we can. My grief gets worse with the pasting years and can still be overwhelming at times. But have learnt to cope.

The plan had been to go to Italy with the ashes when DH died and scatter them somewhere there. Then Covid happened and I couldn't travel and after Covid it still seemed just as difficult. In the end I put the ashes in a dissolvable paper urn (Thank you for the idea JK Rowling) and he was sent out to sea off a favourite Cornish beach, where he has our three border collies for company.

Witzend, I would go ahead with your plans. You are talking about in the middle of dense shrubbery not out in the open. Tell your family what you intend to do and give them a set period of time to either agree or object. And if they object they must come up with a practical alternative. Otherwise what will happen to the ashes when you have died? It will only pass the problem to someone else. If you know where they are , that place will always be special to you.
My dad died when I was 18. He was a sailor and his ship had docked in Montreal when he had a heart attack. He was cremated over there and his ashes were scattered in the atlantic ocean. What I always missed was having nowhere to go and there being no acknowledgement of his existence. When my mum died 7 years ago she was cremated and her ashes buried in the burial plot by the church ( ashes only , it isn't a full scale cemetery). She has a stone with her details on and we had " and in memory of..." and dad's details. I get a great deal of comfort from that.
How far we have strayed from funerals and graves to casual indifference about our loved ones.

I wouldn’t scatter ashes anywhere “strictly not allowed”. Surely there’s a reason for not allowing it as Lathyrus has said, more than once. As for nobody being “any the wiser” words fail me! I though I’d like to be scattered in a stream/running water but having read the various links here about possible effects I thinks I’ll just leave it up to the crematorium!

Hetty58

There's some very strange, revealing comments here - such a disappointment. Many say 'Go ahead, do what you want - as long as nobody sees it - break the law.'

Here, we have the typical village green, church and pond - right next to a busy road and shops - at the top of a hill. The churchyard was full long ago.

Upon finding that they can't put ashes there, people scatter them on the green, causing regular annoyance and complaints. Dusty cars and shop windows, irritated eyes and lungs - but never mind, do exactly what you want - just don't buy any unwrapped food here! Remains put outside the churchyard used to be the final humiliation for criminals - and the poor.

That handful of ashes and finely ground bones (oh, yes, they have to grind some bones) is often referred to by a person's name (Mum, Dad, etc.) - just very, very weird. It's like they didn't die at all. The popular words that avoid death too - like 'passed' all seem an acceptable collective madness or denial?

People are so odd, aren't they? Alongside the current discussion on 'principles' too!

The Co-op website says you can scatter ashes
In a churchyard, cemetery or natural burial ground.
Over the sea, a river or body of water.
In a national park or public space.
On private land (back garden, sports ground or private farmland)

The OP is writing about a ruling about Royal Parks being 'special'.

We scattered my Dad’s ashes on the lawn/ flowerbeds in the garden of remembrance at the crematorium. You had to make an appointment to do it so your scattering didn’t clash with another family’s scattering. Amazingly, after what I’ve read on here, the lawn was beautiful and the flowerbeds were luxuriant.

I will probably settle for the pure cremation thing with least possible fuss and no service. I dont understand the attachment to ashes either, or the obscene amount that is spent on lavish funerals.

My parents ashes were left at the crem and my dh parents likewise. I dont collect any of my pets ashes either i have no emotional attachment once folk/pets have died.

Except the worms and the bugs and the birds and the hedgehogs and the foxes and the………

Is there anything I could say that would make you and anyone else change your mind about scattering ashes in this wild spot?

🐌🐞🐝🐛🦟🐿🦡🐀🌿🍄

karmalady

eazybee

Strictly not allowed, I know, but if I go late evening nobody’s likely to see anyway, and I’d find somewhere in the midst of dense shrubbery (of which there is masses) not just anywhere.

How revolting.
If it is forbidden to scatter ashes in this particular place then please do not do so. It is like people who persist in scattering ashes on the beaches, then other people have to walk through them.
Why would you want to chuck them in the middle of a dense thicket anyway. Dig them into your own garden if you want to dispose of them, or return them to the crematorium.

I think it is absolutely revolting too and they will easily be recognised as human ashes, they look different. I would not be surprised if they are noticed and dna is taken. Just pay for a tree and get them officially buried by the tree in a garden or forest of rememberance, where she will truly rest in peace and not trodden on by anyone who walks through

As I’ve said before more than once, nobody’s going to see them.

In my marketing days I had a client who ran a hot air balloon company. Someone booked a flight in order to scatter the ashes from the sky but the wind changed direction suddenly and blew all the ashes back into their faces and the basket. Oof.

In case of doubt!

Oh! 😲
For a moment there, I thought you had some human ashes and had extracted the salt from them.
I should not multi-task.

https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202307/medium-985706-9b4bb355-3b53-4d02-a2d1-3f4b232842b8.jpeg https://www.gransnet.com/uploads/talk/202307/medium-895467-9512ca2a-d8ad-4eb7-91c1-f35efe12918b.jpeg

Well, out of interest I weighed out the average amount of sodium in adult human ashes 30g. I’ve put it on a plate with a cherry so you can judge.

Then I went out and scattered it around some lettuces that the slugs are enjoying.

I’ll report back in a few days as to the state of the lettuce and the slugs but I’ll cover it with netting so that hedgehogs, birds and other creatures aren’t affected by the salty slugs as they would be in the wild.

It’ll be interesting to see if the effects of sodium are as great as I think or as negligible as others think.

I would not be surprised if they are noticed and dna is taken.

That would be extremely difficult due to the very high temperatures used during the cremation process.

Not impossible but what would that prove then?
Would everyone in the locality be screened to find a familial connection?

There's a big difference between someone scattering ashes on a village green and finding a secluded spot out in the middle of nowhere. And as for recognising ashes and taking DNA samples - come on, who is going to go to those lengths? As ParlorGames says, it was common practice for ashes to be scattered in crematorium grounds if the family didn't want to collect them. That's certainly what happened to both of my parents' ashes.

ParlorGames, I've heard they're used to top up paths - and do hope that's not true!

The ashes from both my parents were scattered in the crematorium grounds the day after their funerals, as were hundreds of others before and since. Seemingly there was no damage to grass or shrubbery, on the contrary everything seems to thrive. Maybe our council crematorium staff treat the ashes??

Another one who does not understand the attachment to ashes. I thought cremation was supposed to be the end, a simple solution.
So glad I opted for a green burial. So natural. But each one must do what they think best.

I feel no attachment to ashes and will be content to have them thrown away.... as someone said upthread. just what do you get... there will be wood clothes maybe . it wil not be the ashes of a body!

eazybee

^Strictly not allowed, I know, but if I go late evening nobody’s likely to see anyway, and I’d find somewhere in the midst of dense shrubbery (of which there is masses) not just anywhere.^

How revolting.
If it is forbidden to scatter ashes in this particular place then please do not do so. It is like people who persist in scattering ashes on the beaches, then other people have to walk through them.
Why would you want to chuck them in the middle of a dense thicket anyway. Dig them into your own garden if you want to dispose of them, or return them to the crematorium.

I think it is absolutely revolting too and they will easily be recognised as human ashes, they look different. I would not be surprised if they are noticed and dna is taken. Just pay for a tree and get them officially buried by the tree in a garden or forest of rememberance, where she will truly rest in peace and not trodden on by anyone who walks through

Blondiescot 👍

Am I the only person who doesn't feel any attachment to a deceased person's ashes? My parents' ashes were left at the crematorium (with my brother's agreement)and I couldn't care less what happens to mine

I have only seen two sets of 'ashes'.
In both cases they were like fine gravel, nothing like ash at all.
(They were from different crematoriums in different counties). We paid a small fee and they were put in the churchyard memorial garden.
They wouldn't have blown away in any wind as they do on TV.

There's some very strange, revealing comments here - such a disappointment. Many say 'Go ahead, do what you want - as long as nobody sees it - break the law.'

Here, we have the typical village green, church and pond - right next to a busy road and shops - at the top of a hill. The churchyard was full long ago.

Upon finding that they can't put ashes there, people scatter them on the green, causing regular annoyance and complaints. Dusty cars and shop windows, irritated eyes and lungs - but never mind, do exactly what you want - just don't buy any unwrapped food here! Remains put outside the churchyard used to be the final humiliation for criminals - and the poor.

That handful of ashes and finely ground bones (oh, yes, they have to grind some bones) is often referred to by a person's name (Mum, Dad, etc.) - just very, very weird. It's like they didn't die at all. The popular words that avoid death too - like 'passed' all seem an acceptable collective madness or denial?

People are so odd, aren't they? Alongside the current discussion on 'principles' too!