Should I just scatter the ashes anyway?

Do what you like and is right for you, the others aren’t bothered or not too worried and one has passed them to you without any suggestions, so it’s seems it’s down to you

I think a woodland area is lovely I ve chosen either a nearby bluebell wood or the sea which ever is easiest for my daughter the only one of my children who lives near enough to me

They are only ashes and to be honest how much of the body is in the urn we have no idea it’s casket, lining, clothes and goodness knows what else, it’s a token only really isn’t it Do what’s right for you as you are the one who she been given the control

I had planned to wait until my sister was visiting from Canada to bury/scatter our parents ashes, but she was sublimely indifferent to what I did with the ashes and said so. So I got permission to lift a little bit of turf and buried them at the foot of my grandparents’ stone which now also bears their names. It felt very surreal to go to the graveyard with my “parents” under each arm. Lonely too.
You should just go ahead and do whatever feels right to you

We have just had a new cemetery opened behind our house so I have enquired about having my parents ashes buried there. It is a very pretty setting. I am going to speak to my children about it first.

I was going to take them to Tenerife - their favourite place but practically taking two urns on a plane and getting permission did not seem feasible.

Thanks, all - I shall go and do it soon, while we still have light evenings. Apart from at weekends, after 7 ish I should certainly be able to find a suitably quiet, deserted spot.

You're doing the right thing. Sounds like a lovely place 💐

Strictly not allowed, I know, but if I go late evening nobody’s likely to see anyway, and I’d find somewhere in the midst of dense shrubbery (of which there is masses) not just anywhere.

How revolting.
If it is forbidden to scatter ashes in this particular place then please do not do so. It is like people who persist in scattering ashes on the beaches, then other people have to walk through them.
Why would you want to chuck them in the middle of a dense thicket anyway. Dig them into your own garden if you want to dispose of them, or return them to the crematorium.

Might have known someone would have a go…

Nobody’s going to see them, let alone step in them, eazybee. And by the time that dense shrubby vegetation either dies or is rooted up to make way for more planting (most of it has been there for many decades) they will all have been incorporated into the soil and years of leaf mulch anyway.

I’m not having a go but if you put human ashes/wildlife into Google it might make you think again.

Please.

MrOops sister has his parents ashes, no amount of talking to her will get her to arrange a time or place where we can all scatter them.
Now her DH is very ill I’m not sure if it will ever happen, the GCs all want her to sort it out.

I totally support your decision Witzend, just do it, ignore anyone else 💐.

I never liked the idea of scattering ashes nor of keeping an urn for an indefinite period so had DH placed in the garden of remembrance. He will be in a beautiful rose garden for eternity.
More important is the wonderful memories I have and the fact that I dream about him almost every night.

Yes, I am having a go.: she says, 'strictly not allowed' which means it is forbidden.
Whether anyone sees them or not is not the point.
Scattering detritus from a dead body in a public place is not allowed fro a good reason.
Climbing a hill on a windy day I walked through fine ash blowing in the wind, thinking it came from a bonfire. But there was no fire, it was a family scattering ashes, and they blew on to me. I still shudder at the thought.
For goodness sake, bury them.

We took my brother in laws ashes to Australia with no bother at all. We had to take a certificate from the undertaker to certify that they were human remains and had been dealt with in the correct manner.
That’s what he wanted so it was lucky we were going anyway!

I had to go to the back of our churchyard a few months ago and found someone had been scattered there, it was all crunchy.
I took my shoes off and rinsed the soles under the outside tap before going in when I got home.
I like the idea of putting the ashes in a special place but not if it is going to make a problem for someone or something else.

www.col.co.uk/help-advice/scattering-ashes-6-common-questions-answered

DH wants his taken out to sea but I know the wind will change direction at the last minute.

My late MIL kept FIL's ashes in her bedroom when he died in 2005 ,she said they had so many places they loved she didnt know where to scatter them.She died just before Christmas 2021 ,I have both here against my will .I have asked my SIL until I'm blue in the face but she's "not ready" to scatter them.I've found what my OH and I think is the perfect place and told her BUT she still wont do it .
My OH wont insist as his sister has often manipulated situations by having meltdowns and then calls relentlessly to tell us about who upset her,usually late at night and he says he cant deal with her again.
What to do?the place I thought worked is within sight of their first home and it seems fitting they go back there together.
When my parents died we had the ashes scattered in the garden of remembrance ,I dont really believe ashes are the person who died so the whole take them somewhere significant thing passes me by.I'm of a mindset now to deliver them to SIL and let her do with them what she will.OH wants them taken"home"

I think I’d try and get your sibling to agree rather than just go ahead. These situations are very emotional and could lead to fall outs. My SIL is estranged from her sister as they couldn’t agree what to do with their mum’s ashes.

The OP is not suggesting scattering the ashes in a public place likely to be trampled on by passers by (horrible thought). I'm sure they'll be absorbed into the soil very soon.
In our family most ashes were placed in the garden of remembrance to help the beautiful roses to flourish. My parents were placed on a family grave.

Callistemon21

www.col.co.uk/help-advice/scattering-ashes-6-common-questions-answered

DH wants his taken out to sea but I know the wind will change direction at the last minute.

Human ashes are really toxic. Full of sodium.

If Witzend goes back in a years time she’ll see a dead patch where the woodland used to be☹️

If anyone’s determined to scatter ashes you can buy special compost to mix with them to reduce the toxic effect. I think it’s called Grow with Love.

Sorry about that Callistemon.

I was going to post the tale of my husband’s ashes but thought better of it!

Half of my DH's ashes are scattered at sea, and half at his favourite place in the Lake District. I asked permission from the cruise company, which was freely given, and when I got on board contacted the chaplain who arranged evetything. There was a lovely little service, (just me, the chaplain and the ship safety team). We had to wear lifejackets as we were by an open door near the water-line! It was beautiful and I felt DH would have been pleased - he loved the sea, was a highly qualified sub-aqua diver, also an ocean yacht master, and absolute loved cruising, as he was on his beloved sea. After the ceremony I went up to a bar on deck, and raised a glass of Prosecco to his memory. So he is somewhere in the Baltic!

The remaining ashes went with me and immediate family to the Lake District where we rented a cottage for the week, found his favourite lake and scattered the ashes in a remote spot.

If they are scattered in the wind they won’t be in one place will they so there will be little pieces of ash flying away in the wind to land wherever it wants …perfect
My friends husband was scattered in the woods he helped look after I ve NEVER seen any bare patches there it’s lush and full of undergrowth
Hope you do what you wish Witzend

BlueBelle

If they are scattered in the wind they won’t be in one place will they so there will be little pieces of ash flying away in the wind to land wherever it wants …perfect
My friends husband was scattered in the woods he helped look after I ve NEVER seen any bare patches there it’s lush and full of undergrowth
Hope you do what you wish Witzend

Human ashes contain 200 to 2000 more time sodium than different species of plants can tolerate and are poisonous to grubs and insects.
The resultant effect has knock on consequences for any larger wildlife in the area.

It’s all there online for anyone who wants to look.

times more

Callistemon21

www.col.co.uk/help-advice/scattering-ashes-6-common-questions-answered

DH wants his taken out to sea but I know the wind will change direction at the last minute.

I'm with you Callistemon on this one.
My godfather's ashes were tipped into the sea, it was a windy day the sea was rough and they all got a mouthful of him/or his ashes. My DH wants to go to the top of a fell well if I'm still here I won't be with him.
In our village churchyard, we have a special plot for ashes to be scattered. Beside it is a substantial flat sandstone slab where names can be engraved.
I have heard so many tales of sneaking into cemeteries or picnicking at a beauty spot and someone scattering ashes that they are pepper and salt on your food.
My best friend left her loved one at the Crem and they fertilise the roses a lovely idea.