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Tracking On Phones.

(192 Posts)
Calendargirl Fri 14-Jul-23 06:49:36

Chatting to a friend, I was astounded when she said she and her DH had tracking on their phones for their sons.

The sons are one in mid 30’s, married with baby, and the other two are early 20’s, still living at home.

How long will this go on, I wonder? Will they still be ‘tracked’ when in their 40’s say?

Should say I think they are all well aware Mum and Dad can see what they are doing.

Also heard about another mum who ‘tracks’ her adult children.

Just seems very odd and OTT to me.

Lona Fri 14-Jul-23 10:58:02

“Find my” works both ways so the family members that I track can also see where I am.
My adult children, 49&50, & two of my gds, 24 & 11, are all happy and none of us has abused the knowledge.

Salti Fri 14-Jul-23 10:51:30

I find this type of behaviour so controlling if it involves adults in control of their faculties. Obviously to use short term, when out with someone you need to stay in touch with or when expecting someone who is in danger of losing their way sounds normal but to track other adults constantly sounds like stalking to me. I would never do it or allow it.

Galaxy Fri 14-Jul-23 10:50:59

Sometimes I 'hide' the fact that I want to drive a different way home, the view along the way is lovely. You see this is what I mean when i say people cant be hurt when people say no.

Dickens Fri 14-Jul-23 10:29:21

Mamie

We have tracking apps and find them invaluable. I was a passenger in a friend's car when we had an accident deep in the countryside. DH could see exactly where we were and came to find us. I don't understand why people don't like them, unless they have something to hide!

I don't understand why people don't like them, unless they have something to hide!

That's an unfortunate assumption to make about people.

My late ex was - because of his own insecurities - a very controlling person. When I left the house he wanted to know exactly where I intended to go, which friends I might be visiting and how long I might be out. He was not concerned about my welfare, he simply could not cope with my independence, it threatened him - this is not at all unusual with insecure individuals.

I had absolutely nothing to hide, and I'm glad that at the time, mobile phones were only at the stage where they resembled a house-brick.

Everyone deserves a little privacy in their lives if they want it. It doesn't mean they are being devious or secretive.

henetha Fri 14-Jul-23 10:28:56

I wouldn't want to track my sons or grandchildren - all adults now. It would feel like spying.
But when I am a little older and become more vague, then I think it's a good idea to track me.

Calendargirl Fri 14-Jul-23 10:16:23

Dickens

Calendargirl

Did your friend say why she and her DH were doing this?

No, I think it has just carried on from the children being younger.

My friend is the nicest person and a lovely, caring mum. She is always at their beck and call.

It just strikes me as odd that you would check whereabouts your adult children are at any particular time. Nothing like this was around when mine were growing up, so it is alien to me.

But as long as those concerned are aware and not troubled by it, fine.

Bella23 Fri 14-Jul-23 09:55:26

If a family all trust each other and use it sensibly then it is a good thing.
It only takes one to decide to be "Big Brother", like my MIL would have and it all breaks down. It depends on the people who are in the group and their attitude towards each other.
As I said it would be brilliant when DH goes off wandering, he always leaves a list of where he is, phones a couple of times and when he gets back to the car where there usually is coverage, gives an approximation of when he will be home and I can start the supper. My DDs live hundreds of miles away so it would not help at all.

Visgir1 Fri 14-Jul-23 09:51:52

My friend also does this to her 3 as well, her eldest is 40.

Galaxy Fri 14-Jul-23 09:47:30

I would just say no. The last thing I want is people knowing where I am. Couldnt think of anything worse. Fine as long as everyone agrees as long as no coercion. And I suppose as long as people dont act hurt when people say no.

Hetty58 Fri 14-Jul-23 09:47:22

My daughter tracks her three kids. The eldest is eighteen. It's such an ingrained habit (along with checking her Ring cameras and tracking the dog) I can see her having trouble stopping! I wonder if she tracks her husband, too?

Mamie Fri 14-Jul-23 09:41:03

I honestly don't see the problem with using it to see when to put the kettle on, when to open the gates, when to put dinner in the oven, when it is safe to message someone if you can see they are not driving. As a family we trust each other to use the app to help keep us safe and to communicate when location is important.
What is the problem with that?

Bella23 Fri 14-Jul-23 09:30:45

It sounds good as someone else has said the other way around, I wouldn't mind if I was tracked by the DDs. Though I think I would get some strong words if I tracked them all the time, just as I would have given my mother if she had tracked me.
My MIL managed it without telephones 40/30 years ago with a series of spies and people taking her around. She split a member of the family and their fiancee up by sitting outside pubs waiting to see who they came out with.
I was supposed to have an elderly gentleman friend who was actually a relation she did not know giving me lifts from evening classes. I know what it is like to have someone constantly checking on you.
I wouldn't mind it on DH when he goes wandering in the fells but I presume it only works where there is a telephone signal.

Mamie Fri 14-Jul-23 09:28:21

We have tracking apps and find them invaluable. I was a passenger in a friend's car when we had an accident deep in the countryside. DH could see exactly where we were and came to find us. I don't understand why people don't like them, unless they have something to hide!

GrannyGravy13 Fri 14-Jul-23 09:24:57

I wouldn’t dream if tracking my AC or my husband, and I definitely do not want to be tracked myself.

Our AC do track the two young teenage GC to check they are home from school/arrived at school.

No doubt if I get absent minded (as opposed to my normal scatterbrained self) they will suggest turning on the app on my iPhone.

DaisyAnneReturns Fri 14-Jul-23 09:15:08

FannyCornforth

Thank you DaisyAnne. As I said, I don’t know anything about tracking, that’s why I asked.

I was thinking of putting on Air tag on my dog, but it’s not advised.

If anyone has any advice on that sort of thing, I’d appreciate it 😊

Can't you put air tags on keys, etc. Fanny? Do you know why it would be inadvisable for dogs? It sounds like a good idea.

Marydoll Fri 14-Jul-23 09:15:02

FannyCornforth

Thank you DaisyAnne. As I said, I don’t know anything about tracking, that’s why I asked.

I was thinking of putting on Air tag on my dog, but it’s not advised.

If anyone has any advice on that sort of thing, I’d appreciate it 😊

I have Tile tags on my phone, house keys, church keys and purse after I left my phone in a shop on holiday. Not cheap, but have saved my sanity on more than one occasion.

Tracking adult children, unless they have special needs makes me uncomfortable, feels a bit like stalking.
Mt husbands tracks me, at my suggestion, when I am out on my own, as I am physically vulnerable

DaisyAnneReturns Fri 14-Jul-23 09:11:28

Sorry Fanny, you posted while I was typing. I can "explain" what I know about how me and mine use it but I don't know, or feel the need to know how it works.

Much like others, my ACs use it to know when someone has left work and is on there way home, or has arrived at a meeting point, etc.

Last Sunday my daughter WhatsApped me to say they would be in the garden all afternoon and did I want to pop over. I replied "yes". My phone then pinged asking me if I would allow my daughter to be alerted when I left home. I agreed.

This served two purposes. She would know roughly when I would arrive and would be aware to listen for a message or call if I got lost. She has recently moved to a new home in a new, but not distant, area. I can get lost in a single street. I didn't and I doubt either of us thought any more about it after that.

That explanation makes it sound more intrusive than it actually is. It really seems to impinge little on everyday life.

dragonfly46 Fri 14-Jul-23 09:09:12

It is the Find My app Sago you can add people as well as your phone etc.
Yes both parties have to be in agreement.

Witzend Fri 14-Jul-23 09:04:50

How do they manage to do it without their sons knowing? Or do they? And if so, do they not mind?

I can see its usefulness in case a phone is lost.
My dd1 is endlessly asking whether anyone’s seen her phone, but that’s invariably in the house, so one of us just rings it. I have been known to use the landline we still have, to find mine.

Sago Fri 14-Jul-23 09:03:56

Is it tracking or a 4 square or similar app?
These apps are very different to an actual tracker.

FannyCornforth Fri 14-Jul-23 08:59:42

Thank you DaisyAnne. As I said, I don’t know anything about tracking, that’s why I asked.

I was thinking of putting on Air tag on my dog, but it’s not advised.

If anyone has any advice on that sort of thing, I’d appreciate it 😊

dragonfly46 Fri 14-Jul-23 08:49:01

My DS asked to be able to track us some time ago so he could check we had arrived home safely. My DH and I can also track each other although rarely use it. Nothing wrong with it if all parties are in agreement.

DaisyAnneReturns Fri 14-Jul-23 08:42:38

My DD and her partner use it. My daughter and I do too. I am looking forward to being easily found should I get to the bewildered stage.

The GS - 12 and 15, both have it on their phones as do their parents.

Don't forget, there was a Gnetter, sitting by the fire in front of cave, on the day the wheel was invented, muttering about these new fangled things and how we have always managed with them smile I believe it is our job, as we get older, not to become that person.

There is one downside to all forms of "progress" and that is that society is split each time by those who do and those who don't have access to it. Some cave groups could afford to make wheels, some couldn't.

FannyCornforth Fri 14-Jul-23 08:37:12

Can you explain then please DaisyAnne?

DaisyAnneReturns Fri 14-Jul-23 08:26:21

NanKate

My DH and I track each other. It is useful to know when either of us will be home. Also we track our DGS who is 12 which is reassuring when we are in charge of him and his brother.

I think the word "track" is inappropriate.