Making a will, don’t know what to do.

Hm, now there's a thought Doodledog - I was going to say I wouldn't re marry as complications/resentments possible with AC's on both sides -just better not to "go there" unless exceptional reasons.

But then it occurred - wouldn't one accrue obligations if one just co-habited anyway?

50/50 in my view too. Your husband can choose what he wants to leave to 'his' son as and when but for you it has to be a fair split.
I have just made a new Will. Strange experience, but as I own my home I have had to make a Trust Will to ensure my partner has somewhere to live if I go first, and then my children can choose as and when he needs to leave. I have discussed this with them all and it seems the best way.
Not a nice thought but it is something we need to do.

I would start by having a discussion with No 1 son. He may well be happy with a reduced inheritance in the circumstances.

50/50 in My view …Things have a habit of changing 🙂

If it were me I wouldn’t consider ring fencing the £35k (or its equivalent at death - it gets complicated). I’m assuming your husband doesn’t consider that this money wasn’t something he effectively gave to support the whole family, with no expectation of it - or its modern day equivalent - being returned to him at some point? For me the £35k would long since have been subsumed into the family ‘pot’ to be equally divided on death. However you and your husband have to be in full agreement about your wills.
There’s no reason why you shouldn’t help your younger son along the way but your wills should make it clear that (if such is your intention) lifetime gifts are not to be offset against (i.e. deducted from) inheritances. If you make a loan to your younger son your wills need to make clear whether, if it remains outstanding, it is to be written off on death or deducted from his inheritance (personally I would favour writing off but it’s your choice).

I am certain my son (who has no children) will inherit from his father (my ex) and our daughter will not. So my will is split into 4, my 2 children and my 2 grandchildren. Apart from fixed legacies to charities etc.
If I end up in a care home, there won't be that much anyway, that is my backup :-)

Thank you, I wasn’t suggesting that I would leave anything other than 50/50 of my share of the inheritance, of course I love my sons equally.
I was just thinking if the original 35.000 that my husband put into our business should be ringfenced for our youngest son and then everything else split 50/50.
As I said I’m just trying to look at all the options.
@GrannyRose15 yes that is one thing I’ve thought to do just help my youngest while he’s struggling and then just stick with 50/50.
Sometimes writing things down helps to make a clearer picture in your head that’s why I did this post.
I’m not an awful mother trying to be mean I think the world of my family.

Anything other than 50/50 risks causing resentment, regardless of what their fathers may intend to leave them, their personal wealth or circumstances. Your present husband can leave something to his own son - but your personal will should treat them equally. You don't have to have mirror wills.

Yes, what their respective fathers leave them is one thing, but should that have anything to do with what you leave them as their mother? I’m not in that position, so it’s not for me to say, but I can’t imagine treating mine anything other than equally.

I can fully understand the posts regarding natural full siblings, for me that would not present a problem at all.
But as I explained I’m in a totally different situation to that.

You're not really - both are your full natural sons!

If they were full brothers with the same father would you even consider giving one more than the other your share of assets just because one is currently in a better place?

Wills say as much about feelings as they do about fairness I think. If I remarried now, as a mother of adult children, and my new partner also had AC, I would have no compunction about ring-fencing ‘my’ share of the collective estate for my own family, and would expect the partner to do the same. If I had remarried when all the children were young, however, and had helped to bring them all up as a new family, I think I would see things differently, as making more of my own children would show I loved them more, which should not have been the basis of the stepchildren’s childhoods. I appreciate that it gets complicated when there may be inheritance on the other side too though.

As regards my own birth children, I would always split things evenly regardless of differences in their circumstances. Whilst I am alive, if one needed financial help for a particular reason which didn’t apply to the other, I would help if I could, but what I leave behind is for both of them to share, as I love them equally.

I can fully understand the posts regarding natural full siblings, for me that would not present a problem at all.
But as I explained I’m in a totally different situation to that.

No. You are really not.
If you love your children equally and want them to know that.

You say "if we go 50/50..." so this is a mirror will or something else that you are trying to put in place?

One of you will outlast the other - are you trying to ring-fence money away from each other in favour of the adult "boys"?

You have no control over what your ex does in his will - he will favour his own son (and any other children he may have) but you could argue that his second wife may not want to do this and you have no control over anyone but yourself. These are both your boys.

My mother-in-law was widowed young and brought less financially to her second marriage and earned less over the 40 years or so until retirement so she and her second husband decided that the estate should be split in that proportion. It was therefore written favouring his girls from the previous marriage (even though the mother was still alive). They each had two children and the two from "his" side were willed 2/3 of the estate and the 1/3 was willed to my husband and his sister.

I always thought this was an odd way to do things - I still think it's weird to be honest... but then I feel family finances are a joint thing in the end.

I would go with 50/50 in the will but probably help out the less well off child more while I was alive.

Theexwife

I would go 50/50 as it may cause resentment later on. The ex could lose his money or have expensive care bills or there could be a falling out.

To me, it means they are being treated differently.

Only you know what would be best for your family.

Truly, this is the only path to avoid conflict and possible long term issues.

if there was a case of for example disability in AC or grandchildren or serious other factor at work, it might be different, as in the sort of reasonable approach that is understandable.

(Even then, there are ways round this - for example, I have a very disabled grandchild who willl never be able to live independently, but there is already a trust operating in her name so the will can be 50:50 for Mil's parents. (I only have one son so not an issue)

Look, you can change it if circumstances really change deeply.

Thank you folks, I can fully understand the posts regarding natural full siblings, for me that would not present a problem at all.
But as I explained I’m in a totally different situation to that.
I definitely don’t want to be unkind, but at the same time I do want to be fair.
@CanadianGran it is possible to safeguard my wishes for my half of our will and I will make sure I do that.
I know only I can decide, I’ve postponed writing our will for a couple of weeks to allow myself more time to think.
I just wondered if anyone else had been in this situation and what they did.

I agree with other posters definitely 50/50
I have three children and one is better off than the other two but my will is a total 3 way split
Couldn’t possibly do anything else, as GSM put it its your last message to your sons

Have a good talk with your lawyer, they are trained to advise. They may think of something you have overlooked.

I would also think about survivorship. If you were to die first, your husband would inherit all, typically, then he can make his own will. Your first son may be overlooked in this case. I hate to bring it up, but it does happen in families.

I would add, your will is the very last thing you say to your loved ones.

I would say 50/50.. they are equally loved,and will remember that

We've been married forever. Our children were born in 2 groups - 2 whist we were teens and 2 when we were around 40. They've had vastly different growing up experiences - all loved and cherished equally.

Our estate is divided equally between all of our children and theirs.

We don't worry that some have been luckier than others. One went to Harvard for further education, one daughter's husband died young - luck and bad luck come in many ways, we can't make it fair.

They are both your sons so 50/50 is best, particularly as your second husband has been in your first son's life since he was three.

There is no way of knowing how both sons' lives will pan out in the future, as we all know life can turn on a sixpence.

I too would bequeath your estate 50/50, maybe you could help your second son out more now and in the future?

I absolutely agree Doodledog. If they are equally loved then treat them equally in your wills.

I would go 50/50 as it may cause resentment later on. The ex could lose his money or have expensive care bills or there could be a falling out.

To me, it means they are being treated differently.

Only you know what would be best for your family.

There is no right answer to this, but I would go 50/50. It is not fair to penalise one son for the financial security he (presumably) has earned, and the chance that one may inherit from his father can't be guaranteed.

I think that differentiating between them is likely to cause hurt, but in the end it is your money, and it's up to you. Also, other people would do things differently from how I would.