Restaurant group meals – splitting the bill or just paying your own share?

This happened to me when I was an academic on my first contract. We were a group on a conference trip to Italy. One lecturer was invited as a guest and brought his wife along. They ducked out early from a group meal and did not leave enough for the service charge and tip so we all had to pay extra. There was bad feeling about it.

The next day I called them out about it in front of the group. They could have claimed it was an oversight/misunderstanding and aplogised. Instead they were angry and defensive. The male said "Well the uni reimburses all our epenses anyway so what does it matter." I pointed out that in order to be reimbursed you have to have the money up front to spend. Three of us were on a research associate/postgrad budget and could not afford to subsidise those on much higher salaries. My boss, who was in charge of the group, intervened and said "I think Biglouis has been a but blunt but I agree in principle. Some of the group are on a strict budget and those of us with more disposable income should be aware and take some responsibility."

Having been put in their place by the professor in charge the couple got up and left. They kept to themselves for the rest of the trip and sat separately on the plane back. They were never invited to another departmental function.

These days we all pay for our own. We have a friend who always used to drink more and eat more expensively and we got sick of subsidising him. Another thing was if we all put a tip in he would then pay by card the correct amount - and keep the tip! We used to make jokes about it but really, it wasn’t funny.

Aveline

I was once stung by people doing that and ended up having to pay the £70 shortfall. Everyone just put in what they said they were due and left. Selfish sods.

That happened to me too and I wasn't even drinking alcohol.
When I got into work on Monday, I read the riot act and said I wasn't going to be out of pocket and they should be ashamed of themselves! .They coughed up!

There is no "rule" about leaving the table before the bill is settled if you leave the appropriate contribution to a tip and service charge. Its easy enough to ask what the service charge was and determine your share. Never heard such rubbish.

BlueBelle

I got stitched up twice with a group some unknown to me and all a lot better off they had alcohol and afters and more expensive firsts and i got a far far bigger share of the bill than what I d eaten but I wouldn’t be caught again
Different if I’m taking my children or grandchildren out for a meal
When I meet up with my school friends or even just one or two friends we always each pay for ourselves Seems normal for us

Same here.
If it's family it's different.

Otherwise pay for our own; we went to lunch the other day, DH and I had a main course but the others just wanted a light meal as they were eating later. It wouldn't be fair to expect them to pay for some of ours.

Serveral times a couple of us got stitch up at works outings, when those who left early just left the money for what they had but as there was 10 or more we ended up with having to pay the service charge for large groups or the tip. We caught onto that eventually.
When we go on a ladies weekend, we contribute to a kitty.
My close friend just devided regardless of what we had.

I read that thread and it seemed that some of the group deviated from the group's norm of having dinners that were about £50 per head split equally. Instead several behaved in an excessive way by ordering main courses that were £95 each and bottles of wine! So the OP of that thread's £40 (£25 main plus drinks) order became a bill for £110.

I think that splitting can work if you are all like-minded and order approx similar things but it can be very embarrassing for people who are short of money to be forced to subsidise the frivolous ordering of others having cocktails, bottles of wine and the most expensive dishes on the menu. I have been out a few times in London back in the day where it was really awkward for people who had tried to keep their bill down feeling forced by group pressure to split equally.

Where I live it is totally the norm that people pay their own bills and the waiter keeps track on the little handheld computer.

If I go out with just a couple of friends we just split it, say, 4 ways and it’s no problem. Not so easy with 16.

The first time this “equal split” happened to me, I was very young and poor. I paid my share very resentfully especially as I had had nothing expensive and one of the others had had lobster and several glasses of wine. I have tried very hard after that to pay only my own consumption!

I lunch fairly regularly with friends. We each tot up individually for what we have had plus a pound each for a tip, people pay cash . When the bill arrives we always have enough sometimes too much! People pay for their drinks as they get them . Always works well.

Nowadays with the way restaurants are computerised, they can give people their individual bills. Just tell the staff what you had eg burger, salad, a Coke and coffee and their gadget tots it up in a flash.

There’s no need for people to subbing other people’s food and drink choices.

The last time I went out for a group meal the restaurant refused to accept cash so we all had to pay separately, which took forever. We didn't include a tip either as the service had been poor.

Went out ladt Friday with a group i volunteer with. We all paid for our own. No-one in the group can afford much - my bill for the night was £14 in total.

About 16 of us from a knitting group used to go out for a meal several times a year. We used to buy our own drinks at the bar and then sit down and choose our meals. We all chose mains which were around £12.50 but one woman always chose the cheapest thing on the menu which was a burger for about £6.50. I used to tally up the bill and asked everybody to round their bill up to the next pound so we could use the total for staff tip. Every time she just put her £6.50 on the table and wouldn’t put 50p in for a tip.

The joke of it was she had a house valued at £950,000🤣 as she frequently told us.

Rather relieved that I no longer have a social life. This brings back so many memories of having meal with a large group of people and splitting the bill when I haven’t had any alcoholic drinks, starters or puddings because I don’t eat a lot. The thought of paying as much as I usually spend on my weekly shop is painful.

With some friends we share the bill with others we just have a kitty it works for us.

While I agree that it's simpler to just split the bill, it can mean that some people pay for more than they've consumed. Having spent a number of years on a limited income, I'm inclined to choose dishes that are at the cheaper end of the range and would be annoyed to have to contribute to something expensive chosen by someone with more money to waste.

If we have guests who come to stay with us and we go out for a meal then we pay the whole bill as we are the hosts, they do the same if we visit them.
If we go out with family we divide the bill in half, we cannot afford to constantly pay for meals out.

biglouis

Saw a discussion over on Mumsnet where an OP on a budget got bamboozled into paying for far more (£40) for her own food and non-alcoholic drink when the bill was split. Several members of the party had an expensive main and wine. Of course she grumbled about it afterwards but felt she could not say anything at the time as she would have “felt awkward”.

My feeling is that if everyone has much the same thing – say within £5 - then splitting is the easiest way to go. However I have never hesitated to just pay for my own plus a tip contribution if what I had was a great deal less expensive.

What would you do? Insist upon paying for your own/separate bill – or just subsidise others and resent is in silence?

I do much the same as you BigLuis where I can I share a bill but not if others have had alcohol, puds or a much more expensive meal. It simply isn’t fair to expect those who need to think about their budget to subsidise those who don’t.

I regularly go out with a group of friends and we always just split the bill. If someone is not drinking we always tell them to put in less but they dont usually bother. I think it usually works out fine. Soft drinks are expensive now and if someone wants dessert and someone doesn't I dont really care. It evens out over time . We do have one friend who is quite new to the group who always moans but I am getting a bit fed up with her to be honest. If she doesn't like it I don't know why she comes. We've been splitting the bill for over 30 years now and I don't see why we should change.

Riverwalk

^Ive always found the simplest way is to take cash, leave the appropriate amount on the table and then go to the loo or leave the restaurant and let those who want to split the bill argue it out. Or ask the waiter at the beginning of the meal for a separate bill.^

Someone in our club used to do that - without taking into account, bottles of water, service charge, etc.

Rather an ill-mannered thing to do - leaving the table before payment is sorted, IMO.

Indeed- unbelievable!?!

When we go out with friends, we always agree in advance if we are doing starter and main, or main and pud- and if someone is not having wine or other more expensive drinks- we make their share smaller and fairer. But we are not worried about a few quid here of there.

We pay our own unless it gets too silly to split.

Ive always found the simplest way is to take cash, leave the appropriate amount on the table and then go to the loo or leave the restaurant and let those who want to split the bill argue it out. Or ask the waiter at the beginning of the meal for a separate bill.

Someone in our club used to do that - without taking into account, bottles of water, service charge, etc.

Rather an ill-mannered thing to do - leaving the table before payment is sorted, IMO.

I regularly go out to eat with a group of 5 friends. Two of us don't drink alcohol and the others do (quite a lot). We ask for drinks to be billed separately and pay for our own. The food bill and tip is split equally, we certainly don't haggle about whether one person has had a steak and the other macaroni cheese. It works for us.

If we have to go out in a group, quite rare, we pay our own, we're vegan, other people usually eat quite expensive meat.

If we're out with our children and theirs we always pay the entire bill.