There used to be a lighthearted column in the DT called Peter Simple. I think it has continued with Michael Deacons’s The Way of the. World, but perhaps we need a forum called “You couldn’t make it up”
For inclusion may I offer (from todays DT) the following-
WEAR hats and eat bananas when you are abroad, Government health experts have advised holidaymakers as part of their “essential” travel tips
The UK Health Security Agency (UKHSA) has issued a list of dos and don’ts for those packing for the summer break, with some tips seemingly more obvious than others
The advice, published on the government website, urges travellers to wear sunscreen and sunglasses, drink water and ensure food is cooked properly
To help “watch what you eat and drink”, the agency advises that a good option is “fruit that can be peeled by the traveller, such as bananas and orange”
UKHSA was set up in 2021 to replace Public Health England, a department plagued by accusations that it was acting as the “nanny state”
Its tips for coping with a heatwave include staying out of the sun in the hottest part of the day and removing “all unnecessary clothing like a jacket or socks” to cool down
Now in its “essential summer health tips for travellers going abroad”, first published last month, the UKHSA says: “Regardless of your destination, being mindful of what you eat and drink while travelling is important to avoid potentially serious foodborne illnesses, spread by eating and drinking contaminated food or water.”
Travellers are advised to wash their hands, ensure food is cooked thoroughly and that perishable items are refrigerated.
“Temperatures are soaring across Europe,” the UKHSA says. “Drink plenty of water to help prevent dehydration, protect yourself by regularly applying sunscreen with a broad spectrum of sun protection factor (SPF) of 15 or higher, and wear protective clothing, such as hats and sunglasses.”
Teaching granny to suck eggs is presumably still to come . 
Significant rise in both anti-semitism and Islamophobia
Opinions on this crossword, please
Mandelson failed security vetting. Starmer says he didn’t know
