When friends move away

We are a long way from our family. Work means that they live 100 and 200 miles away respectively, and as we are both 80 this year we are now considering whether to move somewhere more convenient for them. Their homes are linked by a major motorway and, depending where we went along that road, we would be within easy reach of either.

We are in no hurry to move we are independent and the house is not too much for us, but we are beginning to scope out a possible move.

We have friends and acquaintances, friends are scattered around the country, most of our acquaintances are involved in heritage organisations I belong to and with Zoom, I would still be able to attend meetings electronically, if not always in person.

Everyone's situation is different. If your family live close, then moving, for the sake of it would probably not make sense, but for people like us, living a distance from our family, a move makes sense.

Overall I share eddiecat78s views.

Recently widowed, without nearby family, I am hugely grateful to many wonderful supportive local friends and neighbours. I could move to be nearer my loving DS or DD and their respective families, but they have their busy lives to lead.
I am definitely staying put in the town where I have lived since 1979.

We were in Gloucestershire, where I was born and lived until 2001, to support my husbands parents. Mum had dementia, and we needed to support Dad. My best friend visited once in 2002...I'm not good at making friends and can honestly say I have about 5 acquaintances- no friends.

No, I wouldn't stay put to please"Friends". "Family first ", has always been our motto and even they often have to move for unseen reasons.
Out of sight out of mind soon kicks in. especially if you move a long way away.

We moved to suit ourselves and any friends who resented our move now fall into the category of 'fair-weather friends'.
Why can't people be genuinely happy for others rather than spiteful and resentful?

There’s Family
Lifelong friends
Friends
Acquaintances
No family
No friends
Which end of the spectrum do you want to be on, or do you find yourself on?
Some have rich lives, others don’t.
We all may know people in each category.

Friends can be as important, if not more so, for some, than actual family.
USA Gundy

I lost my husband three years ago. Since then friends have been important and mostly live in the same town as me. Some have also been widowed or are on their own for other reasons.
We meet up weekly. I find that friends are better listeners than family. Family are important to me but AC are caught up in their own careers, their own grown children and their own friends. I do enjoy seeing them but wouldn’t move to be nearer to them. “My family are at the centre of my universe but I am only on the periphery of theirs” I-read that quote in a book and have to agree. I would certainly miss friends if they moved.

We’ve always been on the move due to DH’s job. We still have friends from years ago and still manage to see them now and again. I’ve never been keen on large groups of friends but have plenty of acquaintances. Some who we meet on our dog walks, some from our local and I’m happy with that. Family have moved closer to us which I’m happy about. We see one another regularly but we also do our own things. I like my independence, so my answer is no, I wouldn’t stay put to suit friends.

Many friends and family have died (cancer mainly). So I make new friends. I live in a very popular retirement area so easy to meet new friends.

Nannarose, thanks. in the last few years, I've had more trouble with friends (and relatives) dying, so there's not much benefit in staying where I am.

Family first.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have recently moved house amd the people I considered to be friends have not talked to me since. We have been on cycling holidays together for the last 3 years, but this year, I wasnt asked if I wanted to join. I have tried to keep in contact but get ignored. Not sure why this is. This country is a very small place so distance isnt an issue really. Out of sight, out of mind, maybe.

For me family are more important than friends. I love my friends but I wouldn’t put off moving for them if I wanted to.

For some years my family had been advising me to move closer to them rather than have to travel 150 - 200 miles to visit them and a year ago I decided it was time to sell my house and make the move. So here I am in a lovely retirement flat with my DS1 and his wife only a few minutes away and my DGD with my precious DGGD just the other end of town. Student GC are here, there and everywhere but drop in when they're here! Other family is about an hour away - depending on who's driving. In fact, DS2 cycled over and back last Sunday. I sometimes wonder why I didn't move sooner but on reflection, it was probably just the right time. I keep in touch with old friends by phone and/or Whatsapp.

I moved away and found that most friends drifted, but after 10 years I have kept contact with one who I've been close to for 40 years. I've made new friends but they'll never be old friends

Hetty58: I think your puzzlement reflects that we use the word "friend" to mean anyone who is a good acquaintance, through to people who are effectively family. I often distinguish by saying "good" or "very good" friend. I use the term "group of friends" often meaning people I am friendly with for various reasons, but they might not, by themselves, be good friends. That's just me!

I personally would not up sticks at this stage in my life other than to downsize in the same area. Most of my family are reasonably close by and I have good friends who have been a great support since I was widowed. Circumstances can change and if one of you is left on your own in an area where you have no family & few close friends you could be very lonely.

Some years ago my DS & her husband moved several hundred miles away to a beautiful spot in a little village on the coast, they stayed for around five years before eventually moving back ‘home’ it wasn’t quite the life they thought it would be. They do say you can’t live on a view!

We moved away from good friends 3 years ago to be closer to be family.
Why would anyone continue living somewhere inconvenient just to stop friends from feeling put out?! I find that bizarre

Callistemon21, my two friends are, indeed, as close as family. Still, I'm puzzled by 'groups of friends' as I couldn't be that close to so many people.

We wouldn’t move because we want to be near family. We have friends who retired and moved away. We are in touch with both couples but the ties with one couple in particular are weakening.

I'm puzzled when people mention 'groups of friends' as I'd count them as acquaintances too

Some people stay firm friends throughout life.
Sometimes friends can be as close as some relatives.

I wouldn't be put off moving away - as I only have a couple of friends. My neighbours, fellow dog walkers and local contacts aren't real friends - they're acquaintances.

I'm puzzled when people mention 'groups of friends' as I'd count them as acquaintances too. Most people I've met at work, through study or hobbies, soon drift away when the connection is broken. There are always ways to meet new people.

What's the saying?

"Relatives you've got whether you like them or not, friends they come and go".

We've moved with work but not for years now, still try to keep up with some friends from where we used to live or who have moved from here.
We've made new friends too from joining groups.
If you're good friends you stay in touch but some people never move from a few streets from where they were born.

Some friends have moved away and we keep in touch but sadly more have died 😟
That's what has happened to so many of our SusieB 😥

I have stayed in the small town I have lived in all my life . My siblings have moved away and so has DD coincidentally all to the same county about 20 miles apart. My DS and family have stayed , they love living here ad I do and will not be moving. Some friends have moved away and we keep in touch but sadly more have died 😟