Not sure how to deal with this

Does the 15 year old have other grandparents. If so, perhaps she views you as just another person rather than a GP although ignoring anyone the way she is doing is rude. Approach the parents as they will possibly know why she is behaving the way she is.

Juliet27

Hithere

Magshard20

Your issue is way bigger than 2 adults living with you and not talking to you

I totally agree Hithere

I absolutely couldn't live like that... such a lack of respect and gratitude. It would be either family therapy or them leaving my house!!

Hithere

Magshard20

Your issue is way bigger than 2 adults living with you and not talking to you

I totally agree Hithere

Well, I think she is very rude and her parents should ask her to show some respect to you Temas.

You say gd is not a blood relative. This to me implies a divorce and bad feelings. If so she might have heard bad things said about you. I have a minor but similar situation with one of my gds. Best ignore it and leave the waters unstirred.

I’d be tempted to ask I’ve had inadvertently done anything to upset her. If she says no then carry on as you are?. I have a granddaughter the same age and conversing with her is like getting blood out of a store when she was so chatty and loving up to age 14. I’ve put it down to teenage hormones!

of course it is rude of her to turn her back on you in such a pointed way. I wonder if her blood grandparents are in her life?

Magshard20

Your issue is way bigger than 2 adults living with you and not talking to you

My daughter ( in her 40's) and her son ( 28 years old) live with us, neither of them really speak to us, daughter "lives" up in her bedroom, working from home 4 days a week.....grandson just grunts at us when we say good morning etc..... my OH says I shouldn't try to talk to him, but when I see him each morning I always say hello and how have you been, same with daughter, I don't see how I should be as horrible to them as they seem to be to us !!
They both seem to have lost the art of conversation ( unless it's with friends either over the computer or going to the pub to meet friends )
I shall just carry on as I have been doing and plod on regardless.

Had to laugh at your comment, hilz! Exactly the technique I adopted with a much younger DGS who behaved in a similar fashion. "Oh no, look out, it's Nanny again with her hugs! Close your eyes and it will soon be over". Did that about three times before DGS had to giggle and now comes willingly to me for a hug. I also agree with those who say have a word (in private) with her parents. If they don't want to discuss it, that's fine. However, it may help them to air some problems with you. Good luck!

Was she very fond of a grandparent she can no longer see? Perhaps she feels you are trying to replace her, or is scared to care for you in case you are 'taken away' too? No excuse for pure rudeness but she may be scared.

Has she got a blood relative giving you bad press? One of my stepchildren was funny with me for a while and it turned out that every time his Mum got pickled, which was quite a regular occurrence, she would suddenly launch into a diatribe against my husband and me. My stepson's loyalty was torn and it took a while before he realised that I was not the person his mother said I was. It was only when he was grown up, he explained what had happened.

You are doing the best thing, act as normal and don’t get drawn in. Every action has a reaction and you need to continue to not react. Difficult as it’s hurtful and can be uncomfortable. Just do your best.

I’m sure it’s not you, it’s tha age I’m afraid.. it’s not cool being with parents let alone Grandparents. My family have to remind our Grandchildren to come and say hello or goodbye. Just let it go even though it hurts. Apparently it’s not like when our Children were brought up, they are being allowed to do their own thing and not to be reprimanded I have been erm reliably informed

May I ask why it bothers you so much?
She has been like this since the beginning

As you are so conflicted about this, talk to the parent - your son or daughter

She clearly doesn't want to talk to you, forcing it will make it worse

Ooh Not talking to your old Nan again today then. Thats a shame. Hope its just a you thing and nothing I have said or done. Okey dokey . Love you. Turn and leave her to it. Trust me I have done this more than once over the years!! I too would chat with the parents. You never know they might need support with her too.

Have a quiet word with her parents, be gentle with them though and don't make the conversation too ' heavy' .
At 15 she should know better, however there may be issues with her you are unaware of. Tread carefully, be patient , try not to be upset as your GD may well be coping with her own insecurities! I sincerely hope this situation is resolved soon .

I would just say a general Hello to everybody, not individuals and if she chooses to turn away let her. If she is doing it on purpose then she has won if you question either her or her parents. She needs her bad behaviour to be ignored, her parents obviously do or they would correct her. When she chooses to join in don't make a special fuss of her and carry on as normal.

I would just talk to her

Definitely not by singling her out and getting her on her own though

I would just say "hi (name) is everything ok? Have I done something to upset you?"

Then I would acknowledge the answer as her genuine feelings and apologise

I remember myself struggling with the older generations at times because they had very different opinions or politics that felt harmful to myself and friends so it is always good to listen to younger generations

If you are not her biological GM maybe she projects her feelings about her place in the family onto you. Personally I'd keep on treating her like all the other children and not make a big deal of it. If you think she'd be willing to talk you might ask her how she's doing sort of questions but I'd personally not challenge her behaviour - it probably makes no sense to her either!

Do you address her by name when you say hello - so that she cannot say she thought you were addressing someone else? I would make sure I have an audience when I greet her - otherwise, it's just her word against mine. Then, if she does it again, look at the other person, shrug, but say nothing. Do this each and every time, and see what happens.

Difficult when you don't know her background. Perhaps she was badly treated in some way by her birth granny and thinks all grannies will be the same. It must be very hurtful for you.

If it was me I would want that elephant out of the room asap as it is upsetting/damaging for all concerned. I would probably make a jokey comment of "uh, oh, I see (child's name) is giving me the cold shoulder treatment again" and then carry on as normal. It may embarrass her just enough to make her a bit angry and elicit a response from her (or indeed the parents).

The other option is to quietly ask one of the other children what the problem is. They usually know what's going on.

I hope you can resolve it. Good luck!

It sounds to me like she could be suffering from Asperger's syndrome. A friend's daughter has always behaved in a very similar way and has been diagnosed.

Is there a way you could get her on her own for a few minutes, to ask her?
Maybe ask her to accompany you to a local shop for something you've forgotten, or to pick something up for them all.
How old are the other children in that part of the family? Could they have said something to her about her not being your real grandchild, maybe in the heat of the moment?
It's definitely time to speak to her parents, to find out what the problem is?
Please come back to tell us what it was, if it does end up getting resolved!

Thank you BlueBelle. I know you are right