Speak out or stay quiet?

Nicolenet With so many people here saying that they are not bothered by these sorts of events, it is highly unlikely that anyone will have any difficulty selling their house when the event was 20 or more years before.

The previous owner of our house died in the bedroom I sleep in 2 years before we bought it. As it is an old house and for a while was 4 houses, the number of peoplewho have died in it over the years must be in 100s. I am sure there has probably been domestic violence, child cruelty, marital rape and a host of other dastardly domestic dramas in the house over the years. I remain untroubled. It is a happy house because we are happy there.

My next door neighbour and her husband lived happily in their beautiful home. The neighbour had once mentioned that she could never live in a house where someone had taken their own life. What she didn't know was that a former owner of the house had hung himself in the hall.
There were no 'bad vibes' in her lovely home.

I would have told them. If it was me buying my dream home I would like to know. What if you can't sell it easily because it gets known in ten twenty years time?

I think that you get a feeling about a place. If you felt uncomfortable when you were looking to buy you wouldnt buy it. No I wouldnt say any thing, sounds like they are happy to buy it. If they find out later then you can say that you had heard rumours but didnt think they would be too bothered.

not just ghosts but walls hold onto vibes and history can repeat itself

I wouldn't say a thing. 'Bad things' have happened in many houses, after all. Both the older houses we bought had the tell-tale large brown stain on the floorboards where somebody had died. Floors sanded and all is well.

My Grandparents moved from a very large family property of Louis XIII vintage just outside Paris when I was 12. They moved into a smaller Napoleon I house one metro stop from Paris. It had a lady ghost in a gauzy yellow empire style gown that was encountered going upstairs to the first floor. Everyone except my father would see her occasionally. No sense of threat, though. The house I live in now in the US, built in 1908, which passes for old here, has a lady ghost in the cellar. She stands in front of the house's original stove, an ancient one on legs. As was typical here the stove when replaced was moved to the cellar where it would have been used for cooking and canning during the heat of the summer. She has a gray bun, long dress and a large calicoe bib apron. She may be May Adams, the original mistress of the house, who died here in 1931. Both my daughters and I have seen her, as well as one of my friends. The men of the house have not. Again, completely benign and unthreatening. We are Anglican (The Episcopal Church) and could easily arrange a home blessing, but the presence does no harm and I don't see why she should be chased away. I am not excessively credulous but believe that sometimes a house can retain a sort of echo of the past.

I wouldn't tell once contracts had been exchanged and it was a done deal.
If it wasn't and it was close family I have no rational reasons to justify - but would want to tell is all.

But someone above said it would come up in a search? Does that depend on how long ago?

Callistemon21

^Or an ancient fridge that needs replacing making odd noises^.
Our fridge has always made odd noises from when it was new.
We were reassured that it was normal although no other fridge or freezer has ever made similar noises.
It's a very strange noise.

Or a new fridge. I’m currently house sitting for my daughter and the ice maker in her fridge periodically makes funny noises. Something woke me up with a start the other morning and I think that’s what it was. I stayed here last year when she was having a lot of work done on the house and must admit to feeling really scared because it was the hallway and stairs that was being worked on. It was all cold and echoey. I was once babysitting for someone in an old cottage and heard a man’s voice in the bedroom. It was their clock radio that had turned itself on because there had been a power cut. I’m a bit of a wuss when it comes to being in old houses. I tend to leave lots of lights on!

I’d say nothing.
I got the feeling when we moved into one of our old houses that it had been a very unhappy place.
Older people in the neighbourhood denied knowing the last family even though they’d lived there for more than 30 years.
We had a number of parties,family events etc and even though we lived there for more than30 years the feeling never fully left me.I don’t believe in stuff like this!
We’ve moved,and this is much calmer place.
I’ve heard the family we sold our old house are on the move soon but say the house is lovely, just can’t settle.

My mother died in our house in France. That was 25 years ago. So much has happened since, that, even though I sleep in that room on occasion and DD always sleeps there, I rarely remember that my mother died in the room and I do not think she does either. The beds were replaced some years later because they were getting old and uncomfortable.

Living in old houses a lot, and, when my DH was working often being in the house alone. Any strange noises were more likely to make me think of intruders rather than ghosts.

Romola

Good advice from Delila.
The "feel" of a house can change. A house can get tired when its occupants get old and sad, not keeping it up too well.
But if there has been a happy family living there recently, the house in good order both structurally and decoratively, that must produce a good atmosphere.

Both my dds’ houses were terribly dated when they bought them. One was a probate sale, owners had been there for 60 years, and the house had even more incredibly dated decor than the other, where the retired man was moving on about a year after his wife had died there.

But both houses had lovely warm atmospheres from the moment of the first viewing. You could tell they’d been happy family homes.
A couple of much more up to date houses we viewed with dds didn’t have the same atmosphere at all.

I would tell them, because the issue of whether it matters or not is theirs to make not yours. There are more things in this world than we can see, so I would pass on this info, most people who commit suicide are probably most unlikely to cause anyone any problems I just think its their right to know

Chaitriona

I don't think you did the wrong thing. I think it is best for everybody if you never tell them that you knew about this event. If they continue to feel disturbed in the house or find out about its history, and you want to be a support, in my experience the best way to cope with experiences like this is not to deny ghosts can exist but to encourage people to feel they are stronger than whatever forces real or imagined may be distressing them and to take ownership of the house as their home now psychologically and spiritually.

Thank you. That approach makes a lot of sense to me.

I don't think you did the wrong thing. I think it is best for everybody if you never tell them that you knew about this event. If they continue to feel disturbed in the house or find out about its history, and you want to be a support, in my experience the best way to cope with experiences like this is not to deny ghosts can exist but to encourage people to feel they are stronger than whatever forces real or imagined may be distressing them and to take ownership of the house as their home now psychologically and spiritually.

I’ve always wanted to live in an old cottage but I don’t think I’d be able to: I get very scared when I’m staying in old houses sometimes. I don’t like houses that have corridors. My daughter had an extension built onto an old house they lived in and I felt very uncomfortable when I babysat. There’s a house in my village where someone committed suicide and I often wonder if the current inhabitants know about it. My friends parents bungalow was built on the site of a gibbet and the first time her husband stayed there, without even knowing about the gibbet, he couldn’t leave his room during the night because he was gripped with fear!

Franbern

Cannot understand the relevance of this history of the house. Surely, many if not most older properties would have had peple die and suffer in them. But what has that to do with the present day?

Hard enough moving these days, do not try to make it even more complicated

I haven't made it any more complicated, because I haven't said a word.

However, assuming that you read my follow-up post partway down the first page, I am still surprised that you can't see the relevance of the (relatively recent) history of the house in this instance, even if you personally are totally sceptical about the existance of ghosts, spirits, the paranormal or whatever some might call it, and think that it is a load of b******t.

I don't think it is necessary to believe in something to see its relevance.

Or an ancient fridge that needs replacing making odd noises.
Our fridge has always made odd noises from when it was new.
We were reassured that it was normal although no other fridge or freezer has ever made similar noises.
It's a very strange noise.

Cannot understand the relevance of this history of the house. Surely, many if not most older properties would have had peple die and suffer in them. But what has that to do with the present day?

Hard enough moving these days, do not try to make it even more complicated

That’s like saying dying of whatever is better than being. Lunatic
So called because they had little knowledge of mental illness in those days
Some of those so called lunatics would have been women going through menopause depression following childbirth and the list goes on
Non of them would ever hurt you

So sorry to hear your experience of domestic violence. So many have too I hope you are living your BEST life now. Good luck ! 💕.

I've always lived in old houses. They creak, bump, moan and tick, depending on the time of year, the weather and the heating. The one I'm in now is the newest, and it's 100 years old. There will have been deaths, misery, joy, violence and kindness in all of them. But that's just the history of the house, not my history, not my story. It wouldn't cross my mind to say anything. Hopefully your new neighbours will create their own joy and happy memories in their new home.

Thanks for your sensible suggestions, grandtanteJE65. I will certainly pass them on if there are any more unexplained events.

Whether ghosts exist or not is not really relevant to the turn this discussion has taken.

Now one of the dwellers in the house in question has been made uncomfortalbe by "noises in the night".

In your place OP I would suggest she/he checks all the mundane things that could cause this - a branch of a tree or bush brushing against a window, a draught causing and inside door to blow shut or open, a bubble of air in the central heating system or faulty plumbing, a bird trapped in a chimney or attic if the house has either of these features, rats (just as scary as ghosts and unlike ghosts definitely known to exist.) Or an ancient fridge that needs replacing making odd noises.

I have known most of this list to be the cause of "things that go bump in the night", If none of these suggestions proves to be the cause, then the person who has heard the sounds will either conclude that the house is haunted or that she/he imagined the sounds or dreamed them.

If that person believes the house to be haunted, you can suggest the options listed in these answers for getting rid of ghosts - they presumably work, whether or not one actually believes in ghosts, if one has convinced oneself that that is what one is dealing with.

I have been considerably surprised to learn that in the UK one is supposed to declare any violent happenings that occured in a house. When did this become customary?

A couple of years ago, the person who bought my childhood home from my parents in 1980 contacted me to ask if it was true that a friend of my parents' had died in the house while we lived there.

I told him it was not, but suggested that rumours of a death in the house, that had been built in 1860, might be attributed to the fact that my parents bought the house from the estate of a deceased owner, that my grandmother's funeral took place from the house and her coffin had stood in our sitting-room, or from the fact that my parents before moving to the house in 1951 had lost a new-born premature son in a completely different part of Britain.

Any house older than around 1980 will have witnessed births and deaths, so to me it is sheer nonsense to expect house owners to know about all of these and be able to list them,

I once lived in a flat that was haunted (I am not kidding, people I had never told of the ghost saw it as well as I) by a little black cat - the sweetest apparition you could ever hope to meet and no, I did not tell the family I sold that flat to about that cat, as I did not want them to think I was crazy.

A friend of mine is a retired estate agent. She remembered one occasion showing a family round one house that they specifically asked if anyone had died there and didn’t want to view any houses where somebody had. Only new houses for them then!