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Speak out or stay quiet?

(84 Posts)
Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 15:26:30

Imagine that a family you know very well was planning to move house, and after a long time searching, founds a 30 -40 year old property that suited them, offered the asking price and it was accepted. Then well past halfway through the process, you found out by pure chance that bad things have happened there in the past (domestic violence) which led to a suicide. Not inside, but in the garden.

Would you tell them what you had learned or not?

I chose not to say anything, but will add more later.

Theexwife Thu 17-Aug-23 15:30:16

I probably would say in case it would bother them, they will find out at some point from neighbours.

It wouldn’t actually bother me what had happened in a house previously, I live in a house that is two hundred years old where there have been two deaths that I know of, both from falling down the steep narrow staircase.

grandtanteJE65 Thu 17-Aug-23 15:32:34

I would certainly not tell them. If they have not heard this story it is unlikely to trouble them.

If they do hear it and are worried by it - but why would they be?, you could say you had heard this too, but thought it was probably just gossip and irrelevant unless they believe in ghosts. If they do believe the garden is haunted, they could ask the nearest priest to come and bless the house and garden for them.

Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 15:44:00

I thought long and hard about telling them, Theexwife, but for reasons that I won't go into, I was afraid that throwing that potential spanner into the works at that stage in the buying process could actually do more harm than good.

Just to say, though, that I have no idea whatsoever whether knowing would have changed their decision.

Like you, I felt that they might find out about it in the future, but was confident that by then, they would be settled and happy enough in the house for it to not really be an issue.

Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 15:47:57

I have never had any reason to think that either adult believes in ghosts, grandtanteJE65. In fact, everything in your reply coincides 100% with my own thoughts while trying to decide whether or not to say anything

Callistemon21 Thu 17-Aug-23 15:57:13

If they wanted to, they could choose to have the house blessed.

Whether or not they are religious, it could being comfort if they were concerned at all.

Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 16:04:59

But now I will continue...

After less than a month of living there, one of the adults, very stressed, has just announced that they think they have a ghost. Strange noises in the house last night, as if someone was trying to open and close windows.

Before you ask, no, they haven't found out. I am almost certain that I would be the first person they would tell if that were to happen.

If this turns out to be anything more than a one-off unexplained occurrence, I think I will be suggesting that they organize some kind of religious blessing, even though neither I nor they actually practice any religion.

biglouis Thu 17-Aug-23 16:07:22

No I would not tell them about things that had happened in the house as I would consider them no longer relevent. However if I had knowledge of a bad neighbour or other problems in the area (drugs/crime etc) I would warn them and let them exercise their own judgement.

eddiecat78 Thu 17-Aug-23 16:14:06

That's a tricky one. We used to live in 500 year old house where literally dozens of people had died of all ages and it didn't bother me. However, not far away was a Victorian lunatic asylum which has been converted into very smart housing and I wouldn't want to live there at all.

Callistemon21 Thu 17-Aug-23 16:17:24

My very sensible, down-to-earth friends had a ghost in their old house. They didn't mind her and researched the history to find out more.

I've heard of houses being blessed and even an exorcism because there was a poltergeist there.

Blossoming Thu 17-Aug-23 16:21:21

It wouldn’t occur to me to tell them. Maybe a burglar was trying to break in.

BlueBelle Thu 17-Aug-23 16:33:12

Good grief no
If no one ever lived in a house with unsavoury history there would be an awful lot of empty houses

Ghosts are just in some peoples imagination they don’t exist

Why would you spoil their lovely dream

Stansgran Thu 17-Aug-23 17:49:24

I live in a small cul de sac. I can count off the top of my head one suicide next door before we moved here ,one more recently, the murder abroad of a granddaughter of one resident,the son of another who murdered his wife. Only a few houses and in a conservation area. Scratch the surface of any group of houses and you’ll find something.

Nannarose Thu 17-Aug-23 18:00:51

I don't think I would tell them, but I just might if the circumstances are such that they would find out you must have known and are likely to be upset that you said nothing.
If you decide to 'fess up' I would say that you had heard a rumour and were unsure about it.

And yes, I would be a lot more worried about an attempted burglary. Do they have good safety measures in place?
And that is one reason I would say nothing - better to get goosd advice on home safety than to worry about a ghost!

Germanshepherdsmum Thu 17-Aug-23 18:05:03

I would tell them. It’s then entirely their decision whether they feel comfortable with the house’s history or not. I would want to know and I wouldn’t want to proceed. I have lived in a 500 year old house which had a lovely atmosphere, though many deaths would have happened there and much sadness would have been experienced. I also acted for a developer who bought a redundant hospital and can’t say what workmen and sales staff experienced in the old mortuary which was converted into a house, but no way would I have lived there.

Kate1949 Thu 17-Aug-23 18:18:53

There must be many houses with a history of domestic violence. My childhood was full of domestic violence. We sold the house when our mother died.

Theexwife Thu 17-Aug-23 18:23:11

Now that has happened and if they believe in ghosts would they be annoyed with you that you hadn’t said before they bought it?

Caravansera Thu 17-Aug-23 18:34:28

When did this event happen?

On a practical note, knowledge of a violent death by murder or suicide must be declared by sellers on the TA6 form.

My question would be how many owners has the house had since the death? If it hasn't changed hands frequently, then it would suggest that previous owners haven't been bothered by supernatural happenings whether or not they knew about the history.

If the latest occupants do believe in this kind of thing then they may have legal recourse if the sellers knew about the history and did not disclose it.

Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 18:36:14

I am feeling rather less guilty now, as it seems that the vast majority of you would have said nothing. I haven't told a single person 'in real life', so hopefully my decision will not come back to haunt me (no pun intended, honest!)

pascal30 Thu 17-Aug-23 18:50:37

I wouldn't tell them because I don't think it has any relevence to present day..

Blondiescot Thu 17-Aug-23 18:52:17

BlueBelle

Good grief no
If no one ever lived in a house with unsavoury history there would be an awful lot of empty houses

Ghosts are just in some peoples imagination they don’t exist

Why would you spoil their lovely dream

My thoughts exactly. And even if I did find out that something had happened in my house, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 18:54:19

Theexwife

Now that has happened and if they believe in ghosts would they be annoyed with you that you hadn’t said before they bought it?

I honestly don't know. Not that they believed in ghosts before this, but the one who told me what happened in the night was very shaken, while the other slept through it, as did the other occupants of the house.

By the way, they did get out of bed to investigate it, thinking that their house guests were responsible for the noises, but they were all fast asleep and there was no sign of any would-be intruders outside.

The only person who could drop me in it is the one who told me what had happened in the house /garden, but as it was a very unusual and random series of events that led to my meeting and finding this out from this previously total stranger, I am hopeful that it will never be suspected that I knew.

SueDonim Thu 17-Aug-23 19:02:49

I wouldn’t tell them and even if they eventually found out through other means, I’d keep my thoughts to myself.

One of my DD’s friends got married at a stately castle venue. I had knowledge that at a previous wedding a close relative of the bridal couple died by suicide during the reception. How the venue kept it out of the local news I don’t know (a shocked guest told me) but would I have told my dd or her friend? Nope.

eazybee Thu 17-Aug-23 19:26:07

Stay quiet, although you are clearly bursting to tell them, and what good would it do?

Oldnproud Thu 17-Aug-23 19:36:34

eazybee

Stay quiet, although you are clearly bursting to tell them, and what good would it do?

I'm not sure what gave you the idea that I am bursting to tell them. It's definitely not the case.

What is true that I have been bursting to discuss it with someone but without involving anyone I know in real life, which is exactly why I raised this on an anonymous forum.