Not wanting to go out.

All my grandchildren are catching up on three lost years and I am glad about that, they need to be with their friends. I don’t go out as much though, or want to go on the holidays I used to,
I’ve heard a lot of people say it’s too expensive now eating out and have happily cut back. I’m not happy about driving at night especially in the winter.

There’s a thread on Mumsnet about people sitting at the end of a row in a theatre and refusing to move to let others pass to get to their seats, so they’ve to walk round to the other end of the row. Quite a few posters report having come across this. I’d have been sceptical if it hadn’t happened to us too, at a pantomime of all things! That’s new, surely? And I have seen more than one person picking fights with bus drivers lately over very minor things. Times are hard for many though, and it might just be that it’s getting to some people.

Youngsters <20 were always very noisy (when I was in catering) but lately I've noticed older 30-40 people behaving obnoxiously.

In early August I took my sister and son out for a wonderful and expensive meal to celebrate a few events my son was proud of. Our table was 5.50-8pm. At 8 we moved from the restaurant to the lounge and instead of extending our evening, we gave up after 15 minutes. A party of 40 plus married couples came in and were rowdy, stupid and rude...we left explaining why. Our waitress was in her 20s and she shook her head explaining 'that' age group don't behave, the students were better!

I never have liked shopping, or being in a crowd, so I don't think I've changed at all. I already had everything delivered.

I do like people to just drop in, though, so family and close friends often do. If I invite people, then I feel obliged to spring clean and cook something special. That's a huge effort for little reward and I'm tired when they arrive.

If they drop in, I'm just as they find me and can soon rustle something up to make a dinner, much easier. I'm walking the dog twice a day, sometimes going out to explore a little (or because I'm invited) but perfectly happy pottering in the garden, as usual.

I’ve noticed that some friends seem less keen to go out than they were before the pandemic, but we still like to get out and about, and rarely turn down a chance to, or an invitation. If I have a day at home, I feel a bit guilty for some reason, as if I’ve wasted it. That could be though because I’m getting very lazy when it comes to doing stuff round the house, and I do think that started in lockdown. With all the time in the world to do things at that time I didn’t have to make lists and fit jobs into a busy schedule. I slowed right down, and that seems to have stuck. I need to give myself a good talking to really and get my mojo back!

I often wonder whether I would have had a different lifestyle had covid not come along, and our local airline not gone bust.
DH and I moved to the country when we hit 60 but were flying up to London City and back every week for work. We were also going out and socialising as before.

Then it all stopped.
Four years later we have learnt to slow down, to value the ordinary things in life like long dog walks, baking, gardening etc. none of which would have been on our radar. We only make ourselves available for work when we want to, so we are grateful to have found a gentler routine centered around the home. I never ever thought we would be this way so soon, but it's a good feeling.
Our grandchildren are very young, sporty and full of vitality, so they are always out. The teenage years might be different though.

We had the same experience Saggi. My twin grandchildren both sat GCSE exams this year but neither wanted to go out and celebrate with friends. They go to different schools and have different friends. My granddaughter and her friends did not even go to their Prom and even though my grandson did, a lot of his fellow students didn’t.

I can't say that I've noticed other people staying in more. My DD and GC are always out and about, and when I venture out to the supermarket, it's always busy, even late at night when I usually shop.

As for myself, I'm a happy recluse, and was one from way before the pandemic. I certainly don't think it's unhealthy for me to not socialise, it depends on one's personality type. If you enjoy the company of others, or need to be around other people, then yes, it would be unhealthy. But I find it more unhealthy to force myself to socialise! I absolutely adored lockdown! I knew, with absolute certainty, that no one would be knocking on my door, and it was absolute bliss! When I took my pooch for his walks, there were rarely people around (I live in a fairly quiet village so it's never very busy, but it was even quieter then). I even liked wearing the mask, because I felt 'hidden' behind it. I was quite sad when everything opened up and people started knocking on my door again Were it not for my GC, I would probably be quite happy living on a remote Scottish island.

Yes I’ve noticed this ……my 16 year old grandson has just had his GCSE results, and came around to see me with his sister and dad…. he was excited like almost all 16’s are at the moment and I asked if he was going to a party or a ‘meet up’ with his friends ….pub gardens and endless cokes ( maybe a lager or two) and crisps sprang to mind …and he said he wasn’t celebrating with his friends as they didn’t want to!!!
I was a little bit sad at the thought of the nonesense they should have got up to and the stories they could’ve shared with each other….and the memories they could’ve shared on their mobile phone cameras. How sad I thought!

I’ve noticed it a little bit. Being a social recluse at a younger age is disturbing to me, but not necessarily for our age group. I don’t feel the need to be out there every single day doing something. It’s costly and my home give me solace and relaxation. We’ve earned this ability to stay in. Right? There has to be a good balance of socializing tho to remain happy.

Younger people who choose to isolate more (even though they are on social media) are setting themselves up for some kind of stilted and awkward maturation in adulthood, chances at a profession, meeting a partner and perhaps depression or mental illness.

(I have my opinions of those who have to be on-the-run everyday and cannot abide to stay home. That’s another thread altogether.)

It’s a different world now than when I was young. To some it’s a scary world. I don’t have all the answers.
USA Gundy

I love going out but happy to get home! At 73 I still travel, go to the theatre, walk, volunteer, visit family, see friends but I am happy to have a day at home pottering, listening to music and plays .
Airports are horrendous but I fly as my only brother is in Oz. I love to travel but it does not excite me as it once did . Crowds put me off and I avoid large ones but I am a “ Life should be guzzled not sipped “ person so on I go!!!

I think many of the "younger age groups" were severely affected by Covid and the lockdowns. Whichever idiot minister laughed saying "don't kill granny" when a lot of grannies were killed has a lot to answer for.

In between 2019 and today so many things have changed. Not for the better. Vicious social media, sudden and not so sudden wars and their impact and financial pressures on families to name just a few. As well as Covid a situation most of the public just couldnt imagine happening.

I am sure many young people and older no longer feel so safe. The rug has been well and truly pulled from under our feet and I think it will take many years for us to feel how we did just 3 years ago.
We were both CEV and immunosuppressed so life changed enormously and is only now easing up. But I still feel at risk in crowds and enclosed spaces.

My husband and I are becoming very anti social , anything that takes us out of routine we moan !! In fact I am starting up worry about it

I have been with people almost the whole of my life. Several siblings, marriage, children, husband then suddenly was single in 2015. The silence was palpable but it by bit, I came to relish the peace. I value having my own nest of a home, which happened in 2019. All arranged by me, my space

I do not crave to be with other people, I like my own thoughts. I exercise outside on my bike or walk by myself. I do go to a few group activities and we spoke about the lockdown consequence, how quite a few people now no longer want to be out of their homes, it is a real thing.

To be self-sufficient, with plenty to do each and every day and some sort of routine is key especially with the circadian rhythmn. Then, personally, when I want to see a friendly face, I walk to the local shops and being in a small market town, there are plenty who make eye contact and stop for a passing chat

Contact with others is very much down to me, all it takes is a phone call but I don`t do it, apart from the AC so yes I am shrinking my space and I think that is down to my age and I am not wanting the small talk, not any more

I quite liked the lockdown which meant I saw less people, stayed in more, did lots of lovely walks and appreciated my home and garden so much.
That's never left me and I dislike crowded places, noise, and traffic. I enjoy walks, reading, knitting, and have so much to do here in terms of gardening, decorating, house maintenance etc. that I am always busy. I enjoy my own company which is a plus.
I've been out and about a bit, garden centres, cafes and such, but find with the high prices, stressed staff, and I've noticed lower standards of food and service it is not so enjoyable these days.
I love the peace and quiet, the routine and feeling of safety in my own home now and don't go out much, only for food shopping and walks, seeing family now and then. Whether covid brought that about or my age I'm not sure. I've also been treated shabbily by someone lately and need to process and heal from that.
Otherwise I just call it contentment. My mother and Grandmother were the same in later years.

I still go out despite the place where I live being rammed with holidaymakers and the buses crowded. As I live alone I have to make sure that I have a couple of activities a week to keep some sort of social life going but mostly I'm quite content to stay in my home reading, zooming or drawing.. covid really put a stop to a course I was doing and it never started again sadly.. people here don't just drop in so arrangements always have to be made to meet someone..so different from when I was younger.. when we all lived (including our kids) used to live in each other's houses ..Inever locked my door..

I think learning to cope with being stuck indoors without going stark, staring bonkers made many of us -me included- that bit more self-reliant.
We developed coping strategies - internet shopping, streamed films or theatre on Netflix etc, Zoom lectures and distance learning, FaceTime with families, and possibly to tolerate our own company.
Do something for two years and it can become a habit.
I’m not afraid of catching Covid, being one of the few people who didn’t get it, but a lot of what motivated me to go out, no longer does.
Being widowed just a couple of years before the pandemic also meant that just as my “social life” was beginningbto re establish itself, it got banged on the head!
So yes, I go out less and often have to force myself to say Yes to invites and suggestions instead of staying at home with my knitting and Netflix. How much is down to being two years older, how much to being widowed and how much to Covid I don’t know, but the timing was sh*t.

I have never been a great lover of pubs because of the crows and smoking. Drinking and eating at home has always been more relaxing and a lot less expensive. Im not a foodie. However I used to love pottering around shops, garden centers, and antique fairs etc. I did all my own decorating and was good at it. However my gradually decreasing mobility made it more and more of a chore to go anywhere since I dont drive.

I last travelled abroad 5 years ago and the airports horrified me in the way people were treated like cattle. I escaped the worst of it because I booked disability assistance and the airline (Swiss Air) whisked me in a buggy to the front of every queue. But I disliked sitting close to people on planes. (I always have done).

Last year I took a taxi to a local antiques fair - only about 10 minutes ride - and could not get out quickly enough. I just saw the dealers I came to see and then made a quick exit before the public were allowed in. And remember that antiques are my passion. I used to travel miles across the country and abroad buying stuff to resell.

Being with people (other than one or two) really makes me unsettled. I dont want the hassle of dealing with strangers or people who want something from me.

I am aware of the fact that my life has "narrowed down" but this is by my choice. If you dont enjoy your own company then you cant expect anyone else to. For me a good day is when Im not expecting anyone and the door bell doesnt ring.

I like to book my weeks up in advance with meeting friends, interest groups, committee meetings, theatre or cinema evenings, day trips out and short breaks to places of interest. I try to leave at least one day a week free for domestic stuff but love having a week of activities and interests to look forward to. I do childcare too most weeks. Life is for living and exploring.

I’d say we’re back to how we were pre-Covid. In fact, we probably go out more, because we’ve moved house and can now access many more places to go out to including on foot. I felt we really lost body condition during lockdown and getting out almost every day helps keep us fitter. Today we visited a farmshop with a sunflower field, which was beautiful despite grey skies.

I will admit, going to events at the Edinburgh Festival earlier this month made me wonder if I’d have Covid by the end of that week but everyone in my group of twelve was fine afterwards.

I think my DC all go out about the same as they did pre-Covid, work permitting.

I know I need to get out more, and I think I will do once schools are back. I have so much to do at home, since DH died. Choirs are still on their summer break and I miss them and am looking forward to the restart.
One thing I am no longer keen on is going into the city at night, so I rarely go to concerts or theatre. Not too happy about night driving either.

We make a point of going out and doing something every week.

Today we went to the local country show, outside, busy but too much space to be crowded. Tomorrow we will be taking a friend to see the sunflowers on a local farm.

Use it or lose it.

GrannyGravy13

MaryDoll I totally get losing one’s driving mojo
I was happy to whizz round the M25 to visit friends and family pre Covid.

I have just gone back from the New Forest with DD and GC which involved three motorways and a three hour drive. I didn’t sleep for several nights beforehand, but managed to get there and back along with driving around whilst there.

I still jump whenever anyone coughs near me, I am vulnerable but not as much as you.

Keep well sweetie 😘

Oh, thank you, my GN twin! 😘

DH and I plan to go by train to Ayr on Tuesday to meet friends. He usually drives, but would like a drink with his meal this time.
I used to bomb up and down the old A77 (now M77) in blizzards and thought nothing of it.
It's a much better road now, but oh so fast and not for me, so train it is! I'm looking forward to it, if a little anxious. I haven't been on a train to Ayr, since we lived down there forty years ago!

My GCs soon got back into going out most nights after COVID.
I prefer daytime activities now. Going out for coffee or lunch or a matinee at the theatre but more to do with my age than COVID lockdowns.

Once lockdown was over, I really couldn’t wait to get out and about again, either with friends or just by myself, as I’m quite happy with my own company. Crowds don’t worry me at all. I think I’m probably out 5 days out of 7 and can find plenty to do around the house and garden when I’m not.
My DH died in 2021, during but not from Covid. At 72 now and relatively fit, I don’t know how much longer I have and plan to make the best of it. God forbid, but at any time life my could change from coming and going as I please, to being ill and/or housebound. I’ve also daughters and grandsons 25 miles away, who I see as often as they want and I’m happy to drive to them.
I often read biglouis posts and reflect that it’s good we aren’t all the same.