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Not wanting to go out.

(45 Posts)
biglouis Sun 27-Aug-23 17:30:18

Was reading a thread on Mumsnet where the OP was stating concern at she had noticed many people in younger age groups are spending much more time at home than before the pandemic. Not referring here to people being still “afraid of catching something” but rather of the convenience of home entertainment, the ability to get anything delivered, versus the perceived cost of bothering to go out to pubs, restaurants and so on. There was also some mention of people being very unreliable with social arrangements and cancelling at the last minute, even when they may be seriously letting other people down.

One of the posters stated that they were reluctant to go out because cost of living made it much more expensive. Also they found that they disliked being in towns or cities with or near large crowds of people, finding them noisy and unpleasant. Its almost as though that two year loss of normal social life has caused many to forget the usual social skills of knowing how to behave outside.

I have to admit that these have been my feelings long before the pandemic. I avoid crowds and large groups, as well as unexpected visitors. In fact anything that is going to disturb my routine. I have felt like this for about 10 years.

Do any of you recognise these trends as a recent phenomenon?

BlueBelle Sun 27-Aug-23 17:36:11

My grandkids still go out a lot thankfully
I certainly haven’t changed with Covid still like shopping/ towns / out for coffee or lunch etc etc
I don’t like unexpected guests but never did very much, and do like my own routine more as I ve got older

GrannyGravy13 Sun 27-Aug-23 17:48:28

It took me a while to get used to being around people again. The first time I flew post Covid my fear of flying had escalated out of all proportion.
Now I except most offers to go out, I am mid sixties so who knows how long before I shuffle off?

Doodledog Sun 27-Aug-23 18:20:12

I have always thought that letting people down is very bad mannered, and don't do it unless it is absolutely necessary. I feel the same about someone cancelling on me - if they do it often I stop seeing them as friends. I am also not keen on 'droppers in', but like BlueBelle, I've always been the same. I enjoy having people round, but I like a bit of notice.

Otherwise, I am as happy to go out (or stay in) and mix with people as before Covid - more so, really, as I don't see people at work these days.

Urmstongran Sun 27-Aug-23 18:23:08

I’m grateful I went out as often as I did when I was able.
With you all the way GG13!
Enjoy life and experiences while you can. x

Theexwife Sun 27-Aug-23 18:34:25

I prefer doing activities at home, I dislike walking around shops, going to pubs, visiting people or sightseeing in my local area.

Young people are in contact with others from home and play with each other via X boxes and the like so they have no need to go out.

hollysteers Sun 27-Aug-23 19:06:51

I think it’s unhealthy not to go out and socialise. I felt strange socialising after the covid break and certainly didn’t enjoy that experience. I’m back to gadding about and am constantly on the lookout for theatre trips, day trips etc. I like being amongst people, but don’t have to be ‘with’ people.
Long periods alone meant I started to brood on things and I’m sure other people must find that too.
I like a healthy (for me) balance of staying in/going out and make myself go out for the pleasure of coming home.

Granmarderby10 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:06:52

I recognise that because people can have everything delivered to their home this has encouraged them to stay in.
If you are able to do this and it’s what you prefer anyway then all good.

However, my personal situation didn’t allow this hibernation for longer than the official lockdown was in place, plus other stuff such as grandkids and the “nice people” at the Jobcentre nudging me to get a job so was out and about and volunteering at a charity shop from about May 2021.

Luckily everyone in our bubble stayed well and we quite enjoyed the “break” from the rat-race as I gather many others did.
We got a puppy just before the first lockdown and because the pet shops remained open it didn’t impact us in a big way and we got a lot of fresh air and “bumped into” loads of people and their kids and new pups on parks and in the woods.

It really was a time out of time and didn’t last long enough for me but I was so glad to see the back of mask wearing because being a specs wearer it drove me up the wall.

Unexpected visitors and changes to routines have never bothered me because I dislike routine and despite our “city” centre becoming a desert I have recently gone to the flicks and out for cocktails at a works leaving do, where the colleagues range in age from 17 years up to my age.

* Doodledog* like you I accept most offers - even babysitting the grandkids and overtime at work where possible. I just go with the flow now and try to squeeze as much enjoyment and satisfaction out of everything I do (even housework and shopping, cooking and eating) and try not to overthink things.

lilypollen Sun 27-Aug-23 19:07:36

biglouis I understand what you are saying and I think covid and lock downs made it worse. Though I am married I really enjoy my own company and going out and not having to consider others. I have, probably, 6 close friends who I really enjoy being with plus close family. There are get togethers in the village where I live but I don't feel close to any of those we socialise with.

Grammaretto Sun 27-Aug-23 19:09:13

I accept most invitations. Being widowed, I am grateful to be asked.
I go out every day. Although tomorrow's outing is a funeral.
I have never enjoyed huge crowds but love parties..
I don't think I have changed much. I'm mid 70s now.
My DC are like me really apart from one DiL who suffers from social anxiety which has probably become worse since the lockdowns.
I am sure it's true that young people are spending a lot of time in their rooms, my DGC included.
Should we be worried?

Granmarderby10 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:12:55

Sorry GrannyGravy13 I was addressing that last comment on my post to you and Doodledog🫢

BlueBelle Sun 27-Aug-23 19:14:20

I think it depends on the ages of the young people mine are 17 upwards and out all the time

VioletSky Sun 27-Aug-23 19:17:23

I like to be at home or will choose to socialise at quieter places and go for walks

My children are forever needing lifts places though

fancythat Sun 27-Aug-23 19:18:55

No op. But can understand how it has all come about.

Marydoll Sun 27-Aug-23 19:20:34

I always loved going out, but shielding during the pandemic and ongoing health issues have made me more reclusive and avoiding social gatherings.
I am always aware that as CEV and immunocompromised, I must avoid crowds and become quite anxious when somewhere becomes busy.
Despite this, I do make myself go out when possible, for the sake of my mental and physical wellbeing.
However, I also realised I was losing my driving skills, because I was content to let DH drive, so forced myself to go to places I wasn't confident driving to.

I don't mind being on my own and don't feel the need for much company. I can fill my day with no difficulty.

Primrose53 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:27:57

I never let people down if we fix a date to meet up.
I like socialising but I am also very happy in my own company. I do have friends who will only go out if someone goes out with them but I am quite happy alone.
I do think it’s important to get some fresh air every day so try to do that.
I still do the weekly shop in town but prefer to clothes shop online now because I know which companies I prefer so generally stick to them.

Harris27 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:34:03

I work with younger people teenagers and 18 year olds. Some of them are reluctant to go out saying they can’t be bothered. My grandaughter is 15 and she had to be coerced to going out after the pandemic. I’m not fussed much on going out but I’m still working full time.

GrannyGravy13 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:39:08

MaryDoll I totally get losing one’s driving mojo
I was happy to whizz round the M25 to visit friends and family pre Covid.

I have just gone back from the New Forest with DD and GC which involved three motorways and a three hour drive. I didn’t sleep for several nights beforehand, but managed to get there and back along with driving around whilst there.

I still jump whenever anyone coughs near me, I am vulnerable but not as much as you.

Keep well sweetie 😘

Galaxy Sun 27-Aug-23 19:39:13

I think covid also gave people a chance to work out what was important to them. I havent been to a work outing since covid, I realised that I didnt particularly like them, long drive etc, people may just be more choosy. I enjoy other things more.

Smileless2012 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:49:47

I've felt the same biglouise for the same length of time.

I have to make a real effort not to talk myself out of doing something like joining a choir which I did nearly 2 years ago. I'm so glad I did but it almost didn't happen.

I'm happy to go out with Mr. S. but feel happiest and safest at home or at our holiday lodge which are my safe spaces. I started to feel this way when we were estranged by our youngest son and it's never really left me.

It worries me because for about 12 years before she died my mother was agoraphobic and for the last 4 or 5 years never left the house, so I make the effort for myself and Mr. S. because I know it bothers him too.

Like you, I don't like my routine disturbed. Drop in's are always made welcome but I prefer to know in advance.

Georgesgran Sun 27-Aug-23 19:52:59

Once lockdown was over, I really couldn’t wait to get out and about again, either with friends or just by myself, as I’m quite happy with my own company. Crowds don’t worry me at all. I think I’m probably out 5 days out of 7 and can find plenty to do around the house and garden when I’m not.
My DH died in 2021, during but not from Covid. At 72 now and relatively fit, I don’t know how much longer I have and plan to make the best of it. God forbid, but at any time life my could change from coming and going as I please, to being ill and/or housebound. I’ve also daughters and grandsons 25 miles away, who I see as often as they want and I’m happy to drive to them.
I often read biglouis posts and reflect that it’s good we aren’t all the same.

AGAA4 Sun 27-Aug-23 19:53:03

My GCs soon got back into going out most nights after COVID.
I prefer daytime activities now. Going out for coffee or lunch or a matinee at the theatre but more to do with my age than COVID lockdowns.

Marydoll Sun 27-Aug-23 20:00:20

GrannyGravy13

MaryDoll I totally get losing one’s driving mojo
I was happy to whizz round the M25 to visit friends and family pre Covid.

I have just gone back from the New Forest with DD and GC which involved three motorways and a three hour drive. I didn’t sleep for several nights beforehand, but managed to get there and back along with driving around whilst there.

I still jump whenever anyone coughs near me, I am vulnerable but not as much as you.

Keep well sweetie 😘

Oh, thank you, my GN twin! 😘

DH and I plan to go by train to Ayr on Tuesday to meet friends. He usually drives, but would like a drink with his meal this time.
I used to bomb up and down the old A77 (now M77) in blizzards and thought nothing of it.
It's a much better road now, but oh so fast and not for me, so train it is! I'm looking forward to it, if a little anxious. I haven't been on a train to Ayr, since we lived down there forty years ago!

M0nica Sun 27-Aug-23 20:08:02

We make a point of going out and doing something every week.

Today we went to the local country show, outside, busy but too much space to be crowded. Tomorrow we will be taking a friend to see the sunflowers on a local farm.

Use it or lose it.

Cabbie21 Sun 27-Aug-23 20:38:00

I know I need to get out more, and I think I will do once schools are back. I have so much to do at home, since DH died. Choirs are still on their summer break and I miss them and am looking forward to the restart.
One thing I am no longer keen on is going into the city at night, so I rarely go to concerts or theatre. Not too happy about night driving either.