Anyone relocated back?

Apologies Countess I’ve put a good few years on you. Pure guesswork. And wrong! Sorry.
😊

CountessFosco

Thank you everyone who has contributed. Just two more observations and thereafter I will digest everything contributed.
The first time I ever posted on here, was to mention that we had loaned a piece of computer equipment after a desperate plea for help over Christmas. Back came a response from one GNer "you loaned computer equipment? What kind of gullible idiot are you anyway". The post was deleted but the hurt had already been done.
Secondly neighbours : there are only four of us here in the apartments {Hertfordshire/Buckinghamshire borders}. One heard me speaking French and asked "how many languages do you speak then"? When told five, she said "oooooooohh, get her". Those are just two of the 'welcome back to England', hurtful encounters. I won't post more.

So if OP is withdrawing from the thread might the rest of us not save our breath to cool our porridge?
A lot of useful suggestions have been made but IMO the most sensible is to weigh up the options, compare the desirable with the possible and either move back OR within the U.K. to another area, perhaps to somewhere like a more rural area or a market town or small cathedral city .
Or stay put and work at developing a less negative attitude. I think blaming a response on GN regarding loaning computer equipment or the response of a (possibly thoughtless) neighbour is hardly enough to assume the country has gone to hell in a handcart.
What can’t be cured must be endured- and preferably with good grace .

I remember 1975 fairly clearly. I was young, fit and healthy, had a good social life, after my rent was paid I had disposable income.
How incredibly different from now!
My point is that it wasn't just UK that was different, I was different too.

Well, Norway is a very civilised country.
Clean, efficient, polite.

Everything that England is not.

No wonder you have had a culture shock Countess Fosco.

Of course every country has changed- and everyone too.

But some countries have changed for the better, and sadly, the UK has not. See the list given above. And it has been transformed since 2016- and so divided.

Sterling is very low in value, but mostly, it is the State of the NHS that would stop us from returning. With OH having severe pre-exisiting conditions and the C scare a few years back- returning to the UK would be very dangerous- madness.

We always intended to return to UK- but currently, it is no longer on the cards. Family love to come to see us- and some will very possibly move here to join us at some point. Finances are tight due to low Sterling of UK only pensions- but that can de dealth with. Poor or non-existent healthcare is a totally different thing.

Countess Fosco, I totally understand how torn you are about this. hugs x

Caravansera

There’s this:

The Pollyanna principle … [uses] the archetype of Pollyanna as a psychological principle which portrays the positive bias people have when thinking of the past. According to the Pollyanna principle, the brain processes information that is pleasing and agreeable in a more precise and exact manner as compared to unpleasant information. We actually tend to remember past experiences as more rosy than they actually occurred. (Wiki)

Then there’s this. The UK 44 years ago in 1979.

5 January – Lorry drivers go on strike, causing new shortages of heating oil and fresh food.

15 January – Rail workers begin a 24-hour strike.

22 January – Tens of thousands of public-workers strike in the beginning of what becomes known as the "Winter of Discontent".

1 March National Health Service workers in the West Midlands threaten to go on strike in their bid to win a nine per cent pay rise.

30 March – Airey Neave, World War Two veteran and Conservative Northern Ireland spokesman, is killed by an Irish National Liberation Army bomb in the House of Commons car park.

23 April – Anti-Nazi League protester Blair Peach is fatally injured after being struck on the head probably by a member of the Metropolitan Police's Special Patrol Group.

4 May – The Conservatives win the General Election by a 44-seat majority and Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

21 May Conservative MPs back Margaret Thatcher's proposals to sell off parts of nationalised industries.

23 July – The government announces £4 billion worth of public spending cuts.

10 August–23 October – The entire ITV network in the UK is shut down by a technicians' strike.

27 August Lord Mountbatten of Burma and two 15-year-olds, his nephew and a boatboy, are assassinated by a Provisional IRA bomb while holidaying in the Republic of Ireland. The Dowager Lady Brabourne died the following day in hospital of injuries received.

1 October – Statistics show a 2.3% contraction in the economy for the third quarter of the year, sparking fresh fears of another recession.

30 October – Martin Webster of the National Front is found guilty of inciting racial hatred.

1 November – The government announces £3.5 billion in public spending cuts and an increase in prescription charges.

15 November Minimum Lending Rate reaches an all-time high of 17%. Inflation rises to 13.4%.

We are all aware that the diplomatic deadlock over Northern Ireland’s post-Brexit trade protocol was undermining local efforts to suppress paramilitary outlaws and fanning fears of a potential spike in violence.

Do you not think that the more things seem to change the more they stay the same?

that list

I am sorry to say that I agree with the OP. We too have lived outside of England for over 30 years. We visit family every 1 or 2 years, but much as we miss family & friends there, it is not enough to make us want to live there any more. We love where we are: the weather, our quality of life, and we do have DS and DIL and DGGs a couple of hours drive away.

Lots of people move away from the UK for various reasons, and for varying numbers of years.

In later years, with failing health, or a spouse/partner dying, it's a lonely place to be.

No family around to help day to day, surrounded by other ageing neighbours, or empty holiday homes, with no safety net of social services to support the vulnerable, it's common for people to head back to their country of birth.

Yes, times change, for better or worse. There can be no cherry picking.

Sorchame 'No family around to help day to day, surrounded by other ageing neighbours, or empty holiday homes, with no safety net of social services to support the vulnerable, it's common for people to head back to their country of birth. '

this may well apply to those who move to expat communities where there are so many other expats. Dordogne comes to mind, and Costa del Sol, etc. Many however moved a long time ago, and are totally integrated in their local communities, have little 'expat' contact and speak the language very well.

Fleurpepper I agree, expat communities do suffer from this. In my experience, no matter where in the world, integrated or not, there will usually be a pull back to their country of birth.
Time and again. I have heard so many say that they wouldn't return to the UK, yet death of a partner, illness or just old age has changed this.

Yes, I know. And yet, with the state of the NHS, in case of illness, it truly does not make any sense currently. If someone has lots of local friends, is well integrated and speak the language well- returning is not the solution.

I think you're right Sorchame, we can talk about different economies and health systems all we like, and although some might seem preferable abroad, the pull back to the mother country is stronger.
Homesickness is a powerful emotion. We often find security in familiarity going right back to our childhood experiences and I totally understand why people would want to return home. The best way is not to think you should pick up where you left off when you moved away, but to go forward and look for enjoyment in your new life. I think there was an 18th century writer (?) who said something like a wise traveller never despises his own country because one day he may find it is actually the best place to live.

I totally understand what you are saying Joseann. And yet, if you have health issues that may need urgent specialist care- the best place to live is not where there is a health system in crisis, with huge waiting lists and very limited specialist access.

When you leave, if you are like us, you make your own family. It started off with just us and 2 babies and now we number in the 20s ( lost count) with more children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, husbands , partners etc. I am proud of our lovely ‘dynasty’ though it is very rare we all get together! Those left in England ,including a brother, don’t communicate with us unfortunately, even though we try. You know what? I don’t care now.

Just about to re locate back to NI from Australia. I went home(NI) in 2019 (worked for 1 year) went home for family reasons, bought a house and then a year later went back to Oz to finish my career and support my youngest child by working and paying the rent so they can finish Uni and placements. December 2023 heading back to NI for good. Going to my home town so very familiar to me, some family still around. Yes the weather won’t be great and the supermarkets do not have the variety of fresh food I have become used to, and yes it’s changed in some ways for good with more diverse population, however still has the ongoing religious problems sadly., however I can’t afford to retire in Oz and I know I will have a better quality of life at home in NI and I have accepted this and am looking forward to it.

Should have said I have lived and worked in Australia for 24 years

My view would be that you have moved now and whether it was right or wrong you should try your absolute best to make the most of it. We moved to a new area a few years ago. It has taken me a couple of years to settle. It is a market town and unfortunately has become much more run down, with nice shops closing, lots of rubbish, weeds everywhere. I also didn't feel I fitted in,a bit like you with the neighbour you thought was criticising you. I felt lonely not knowing anybody when I walked in to town and also we are nearer grown up children but don't really see them any more than we did before as they lead such busy lives. However I have persevered with joining groups, smiling at neighbours, trying to make friends and slowly things have got much better. I have also concentrated on making our home as nice as possible and the garden has become our little paradise. We are happy and settled now and have actually found people to be kind and friendly it just takes time. A few new cafes are opening in town, maybe things are starting to improve there too.
By the way we recently drove past our old home and the area seems rather run down and certainly nothing like as nice as it was when we first moved there in the 1980s. Most of our old friends and neighbours have moved away fom there anyway. I guess nothing stays the same and we just have to make the best of where we are. Good luck.

After 40 years living abroad due to my husband’s work we relocated to the UK 6 years ago. We found the climate the most difficult issue as we had been used to living in hot countries but after equipping ourselves for the Beast from the East which was our first experience of winter back in the UK we feel we have adapted well.
We chose a property 20 minutes drive from our daughter and her family so we could reach each other easily and joined a local birdwatching group, my husband’s main hobby as he no longer plays sport.
I feel we have adapted well and it is nice, in our old age, to be back with family. There are problems with governments, bureaucracy etc no matter where you live so yes we are happy to be back.

Sorchame

Fleurpepper I agree, expat communities do suffer from this. In my experience, no matter where in the world, integrated or not, there will usually be a pull back to their country of birth.
Time and again. I have heard so many say that they wouldn't return to the UK, yet death of a partner, illness or just old age has changed this.

I know two couples who went to live abroad ‘for good’ but returned some years later (one or both) because of illness/increasing frailty/widowhood.

Both found that the most difficult aspect of returning was the substantial increase in U.K. property prices, given that they had sold up on leaving - and the difficulty of selling their foreign homes at all quickly, or for even the price they’d paid.

Might have made sense then. But now with the state of the NHS, it doesn't anymore.

Sterling values being so low on the other hand, should help with relocation. In our case, even if we sold for what we paid for our house here, we would more than double our money due to exchange rates. But due to above- would make no sense at all. We will stay where we can get excellent healthcare without any waiting lists, and most covered with S1 exemption.

we are no longer the same people mix that we used to be, the mix was quite stable then. People knew each other and looked out for each other

We all have to adapt when simply moving house to a new area or going back to where we spent our childhoods in the uk. It is all about adaptation and willingness to adapt. Nothing falls into our laps, it takes a personal effort

For me the crux of the matter lies not necessarily with whether/how much etc life in the UK has declined (it has certainly changed) but what is at the root of OP’s unhappiness and my strong suspicion is that it is heavily influenced by the family situation.
OP won’t be the first to relocate to be near AC and hopefully play a larger part in their lives. And then feel let down because young families do have full-on 7 days a week lives and once they are past needing babysitting, the GPs can feel left out.
It is so easy to hark back to happier days too - other places, friends, younger, fitter, healthier and imagine that perhaps you can recapture that.
We left London nearly 40 years ago (not entirely for the right reasons), but there were definite pluses and despite missing life as it WAS I had to make a good life here. On visits back to where we used to live that saying about stepping into rivers is so true. I am different, the world is different , life is different.
So I believe OP and her DH have to draw up a “balance sheet” of what matters to them, what is desirable, but most of all, what is possible* and work at it.
The grass is rarely greener.

We have moved around all our married life. We relocated to not far from London around 2 and a half years ago, to be nearer to some of my children. It’s not what I would have chosen.
However the biggest moaners are people who have lived in this sweet little town for years.
When we moved, we joined lots of things. The Rotary, the U3A walking groups, and others that interested us. ( snails pace walking groups.lol) We chose the house carefully, leaving a six bed period house in its own grounds, for a box on a modern estate.
The house is near Children and grandchildren, a bus stop, near town, a hospital, London and Cambridge. We have really resolved not to moan and get on with it. We have no choice.
Our lives have more back than forward, but I am trying hard not to have any regrets. I think the post has no option, Either go forward or wallow in self pity.

You probably made the move at the right time, too, SylviaPlathssister.

SylviaPlathssister it sounds like you are making the best of your move. I wish you well.
Even just visiting France year-on-year, I notice the difference each time we go. Prices have gone up, the shops are closed, there’s more graffiti, and also the more positive things like new garden spaces, more cycle paths, improved travel (in some cases).
I can’t imagine what it would be like to be away for even one decade, never mind, 4 or 5 decades and then to come back.