Anyone relocated back?

I have recently moved to a large village in Gloucestershire from West Yorkshire to be nearer my daughter. I love it here. There is so much going on.

There’s this:

The Pollyanna principle … [uses] the archetype of Pollyanna as a psychological principle which portrays the positive bias people have when thinking of the past. According to the Pollyanna principle, the brain processes information that is pleasing and agreeable in a more precise and exact manner as compared to unpleasant information. We actually tend to remember past experiences as more rosy than they actually occurred. (Wiki)

Then there’s this. The UK 44 years ago in 1979.

5 January – Lorry drivers go on strike, causing new shortages of heating oil and fresh food.

15 January – Rail workers begin a 24-hour strike.

22 January – Tens of thousands of public-workers strike in the beginning of what becomes known as the "Winter of Discontent".

1 March National Health Service workers in the West Midlands threaten to go on strike in their bid to win a nine per cent pay rise.

30 March – Airey Neave, World War Two veteran and Conservative Northern Ireland spokesman, is killed by an Irish National Liberation Army bomb in the House of Commons car park.

23 April – Anti-Nazi League protester Blair Peach is fatally injured after being struck on the head probably by a member of the Metropolitan Police's Special Patrol Group.

4 May – The Conservatives win the General Election by a 44-seat majority and Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female Prime Minister of the United Kingdom.

21 May Conservative MPs back Margaret Thatcher's proposals to sell off parts of nationalised industries.

23 July – The government announces £4 billion worth of public spending cuts.

10 August–23 October – The entire ITV network in the UK is shut down by a technicians' strike.

27 August Lord Mountbatten of Burma and two 15-year-olds, his nephew and a boatboy, are assassinated by a Provisional IRA bomb while holidaying in the Republic of Ireland. The Dowager Lady Brabourne died the following day in hospital of injuries received.

1 October – Statistics show a 2.3% contraction in the economy for the third quarter of the year, sparking fresh fears of another recession.

30 October – Martin Webster of the National Front is found guilty of inciting racial hatred.

1 November – The government announces £3.5 billion in public spending cuts and an increase in prescription charges.

15 November Minimum Lending Rate reaches an all-time high of 17%. Inflation rises to 13.4%.

We are all aware that the diplomatic deadlock over Northern Ireland’s post-Brexit trade protocol was undermining local efforts to suppress paramilitary outlaws and fanning fears of a potential spike in violence.

Do you not think that the more things seem to change the more they stay the same?

I moved back here after 13 years in Turkey, a beautiful country with gorgeous scenery, beautiful food and lovely people. I moved to a small village in Essex and have been very happy here, it took some adjusting, especially to the weather! But I am glad I am here, perhaps you have not moved to a location that suits you?

Countess,, ah! I have lived in England all my long life, and I feel bad about it.. I think life has changed everywhere, but England, where is the "green and pleasant land" I grew up in, well for starters there are a lot more people living here, and that surely makes a huge difference.. nuff said... life changes so I am told

Where, Fleurpepper? In the UK? I thought you lived abroad somewhere?

Where on earth do you live not to see the litter??? It is everywhere along roadsides, MWays, lay-bys, and also fly tipping in loads of gates into fields, etc.

It is shocking. And I am talking about many many counties.

I see a lot of people on FB nostalgia groups who have moved maybe 50 miles from where they grew up, complaining that the area has changed and it's much worse now. It's not England or the area you grew up in - it's the world that has changed.

I think that things have changed for the better. I don't see the litter Countess talked about, in fact, I think everywhere is much cleaner. People are friendly and most teens work very hard.

On a bigger scale, social attitudes have improved vastly with racism, sexism and homophobia now considered unacceptable.

Marydoll

^One heard me speaking French and asked "how many languages do you speak then"? When told five, she said "oooooooohh, get her".^
Countess F are you sure she was being rude, but may instead have been impressed by your linguistic skills? It is a rare occurance to find someone, who can speak five languages. (apart from myself that is. 😉)

My French is rusty, my Latin too, German not as good and my Welsh is work in progress. I can speak a bit of Strine but at least my English is fairly good, although DH doesn't always understand me 😁

CountessFosco as you have moved around a lot, presumably with work, where did you feel happiest?

Our cousin, who live in France but kept a flat here, have found the French healthcare system perfectly good.

You said you'd had problems with your DIL, I hope that is resolved. However, I don't think we should rely on our children for our happiness. I keep suggesting U3A - they might be looking for volunteers for conversational French groups or another language, for older people who have a knowledge but are rusty like me.
You might find more in common with such groups than with your neighbours.

We lived abroad (Spain) for 15 years and, six years ago, for various reasons decided to return to England.

We bought a house in an area (Oxfordshire) that we had never lived in before and settled in a small village. We were made very welcome but it was difficult to adjust.

We thought we had made a mistake by returning and forgot about the things that we had found difficult in Spain only remembering the many things we had loved. We also missed the beautiful villa and very large garden we had, again forgetting the hard work of the house and the endless gardening.

We have now settled in the UK. Yes, many thing had changed but overall we are glad we returned. We are lucky that we still have a holiday home in Spain and spend several months each year there but are still glad to return to our home in the UK. Unless you are completely fluent in the local language it is very hard to be old and ill in another country.

I think you need to give yourself more time to settle and try to look for the positives. There are still plenty.

Two things, I would also likely have loaned the computer equipment because always happy to help and generally trust people.
Also I would have been impressed and said the same if you told me you spoke five languages, the response from me would have been flippant banter and meant to offend.
Maybe you need to relax into the culture around you 🤷‍♀️

Are you possibly a bit oversensitive? Your neighbour might have been trying to be funny. Also the forum comment could have been coming from anywhere not necessarily UK at all.

Also it depends where you live. Any country has internal differences . I wouldn’t live in West Australia if you paid me but many love it and wouldn’t live in the East. Horses for courses, as they say

*nana8 The Lake District would be full of tourists, that is how the inhabitants make their living, without them they would be in dire economic straits.

I have known two couples who spent a lot of their lives in foreign countries, Switzerland and France respectively. They went to those countries initially because their employer sent them there and having lived and worked in these countries they stayed there among their friends in the early years of retirement, but their children had gone to English or international schools and English universities and settled back in Britain and as they reached 80 and began to have more health problems, and travel became more difficult, they wanted to be within easy reach of their children, so moved back to the UK.

I know one half of one of the couples yearns to be back in France, but all agree that moving back to be near family was the sensible decision.

Marydoll

^One heard me speaking French and asked "how many languages do you speak then"? When told five, she said "oooooooohh, get her".^
Countess F are you sure she was being rude, but may instead have been impressed by your linguistic skills? It is a rare occurance to find someone, who can speak five languages. (apart from myself that is. 😉)

Being the old person volunteering in our charity shop I’ve picked up a bit of knowledge over the years.
I’m always having that said to me when a donation comes in that the girls😄 don’t know what it is. The same with certain clothing labels.
With respect CountessFosco I think you lost your British sense of humour all those years away.

Marydoll

^One heard me speaking French and asked "how many languages do you speak then"? When told five, she said "oooooooohh, get her".^
Countess F are you sure she was being rude, but may instead have been impressed by your linguistic skills? It is a rare occurance to find someone, who can speak five languages. (apart from myself that is. 😉)

I would have offered the neighbour some free conversation lessons, if she brought the cake!

BlueBelle

I think as others have said your negative views are all connected with your family disappointment You had nurtured the idea of an 80 s style town/country waiting for you and a son who would be there to support you in your old age, and that hasn’t happened as he has his own life firmly established

Because this has thrown you and not turned out as you had imagined, everything now has a negative hue to it and you are seeing the country through very ‘grey’ eyes looking for the bad and missing the good
Your negativity is probably misplaced but is very, very real

You came back to your roots to get support and help that you didn’t trust your newer country to give you and it will take time

Now the only way forward is to
A) return to the country of your dreams
B) dig in and make your new life work for you two, looking for some good instead of bad, doing some volunteering ( if you’re of the age) joining some groups, looking at the beauty around you seeing the good teenagers around, don’t dwell on all the negatives in life
NO country is a utopia
Remember
Your country of choice couldn’t have been perfect or you wouldn’t have moved away from it

Really good comments BlueBelle👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Why after so many years, so many friends, so many positives were these countries considered ‘foreign’ and not good enough for your old age?
That's an interesting question BlueBelle and one to which it is difficult to give an answer.
Despite speaking fluent French, and being in their system for years, and recognising they offer nothing but the best, for some inexplicable reason, I would not want to be abroad in my old age. As an anecdote, I was quite ill over here last week, (nasty spider bite reaction), but my first instinct wasn't to rock up at Urgences but to get the 10 hour ferry home!
I don't like having things done to me outside my country, weird I know!
My DH is worse. The car got a screw in its tyre just as we got off the ferry and he was cursing why it hadn't happened back in the UK - even though a new tyre was actually cheaper in France!!

One heard me speaking French and asked "how many languages do you speak then"? When told five, she said "oooooooohh, get her".
Countess F are you sure she was being rude, but may instead have been impressed by your linguistic skills? It is a rare occurance to find someone, who can speak five languages. (apart from myself that is. 😉)

Has your son and his family been in the UK all the time you were in different countries? Did you visit them here, or did they come and stay with you? The person you mention being somewhat rude re your speaking French / languages is, I would say, not typical of most here in the UK. No one’s ever said anything like that to me, either in my home town or in different holidays places in the UK. Have you not met others who have been friendly?

Thank you everyone who has contributed. Just two more observations and thereafter I will digest everything contributed.
The first time I ever posted on here, was to mention that we had loaned a piece of computer equipment after a desperate plea for help over Christmas. Back came a response from one GNer "you loaned computer equipment? What kind of gullible idiot are you anyway". The post was deleted but the hurt had already been done.
Secondly neighbours : there are only four of us here in the apartments {Hertfordshire/Buckinghamshire borders}. One heard me speaking French and asked "how many languages do you speak then"? When told five, she said "oooooooohh, get her". Those are just two of the 'welcome back to England', hurtful encounters. I won't post more.

Sorry for the length but another thought
Both posts talking about moving back contained this
but I did not want to grow old and possibly live alone in a foreign country.
secondly neither wanted to be left alone in a foreign country dealing with illness and then bureaucracy
Why after so many years, so many friends, so many positives were these countries considered ‘foreign’ and not good enough for your old age

* Nana8* I do think it depends where you live in UK we have a huge vacuum cleaner machine drive up and down the paths quite regularly and the town centre paths are steam cleaned once a year We have a tractor daily on the beach to clean up any litter left and most people do put it in bins but obviously there’s always sone that don’t
We also have community voluntary littler picks too
Our bin men on the whole are pretty good too and if they miss you and they are alerted they come out the next day
However
There are always some parts that don’t come up to speed and always some people who litter or dump and the horrible habit of a few people with dog poo is always a problem
The few spoil it for the many

I m not sure how good or bad the litter problem is in cities or very big towns I m thinking it’s probably much worse My nearest city is very clean but then it’s not a big city

I am in agreement with those who think that, having lived overseas for 44 years, you have now come back to the UK as you don’t want to spend your old age alone and in a ‘foreign’ country.

But surely after all this time, these places are no longer ‘foreign’.

As with many others, the thought of care from the NHS, imperfect as it is, is preferable to care in another country as we age.

Plus disappointment with family also?

We returned to the UK 25 years ago after living in the Netherlands for 18 years.
I felt displaced on our return and I still miss the life I had over there. Our move back coincided with the children going away to university so it was a double whammy.
The time we spent in Holland was when we were bringing up our children - years I regarded as the best of my life.
I miss my friends over there still but I did not want to grow old and possibly live alone in a foreign country.

It will take time to settle but a little effort and lower expectations you will.

The only thing that was negative and worse that we noticed on our last visit was litter. Lots of it everywhere. The people seemed friendly enough and the cafes and restaurants were better than they used to be. Parking was a big issue and seemed to cost a huge amount but we were in the Lake District mostly which is full of tourists. I have to say I wouldn’t want to live there again but that is because we have changed more than the actual country.