DS and DiL "babying" 3yo GD

Galaxy

Nope current advice is not about readiness. It's about getting the child gradually used to potty/toilet. So begin by always changing the child in the toilet area, etc.

Interesting I've never done I've always changed her in the bedroom so could start with that without encouraging it

Amy71452

Helenlouise3

Whilst I agree parenting should be left to the parents, I would definitely use distraction tactics as far as the dummy's concerned. It surprises me that she's still in nappies at aged 3. In Wales children start school at 3 1/2 and are expected to be potty trained. Many years ago children had to be dry before going to nursery school aged 2 1/2.

As an earlier poster said she's not getting the sensation of wetness from the nappies. She's still in a nursery for the next year.

Don’t worry about this at all. My son was over 3, he was resistant, but he got up one morning and said ‘no more nappies’. He never had one accident after that, because he’d stayed in nappies until he was absolutely sure he could wait until he could control his urge to go. It’s not to do with the nappies being wet I don’t think, it’s the recognition of the feeling that you need to go and that you can control it.
Early potty trading was frowned on even then, and he’s in his twenties now, because it causes many children anxiety around using the toilet. I think your son and daughter in law are doing what modern parents do, not babying your granddaughter.

Nope current advice is not about readiness. It's about getting the child gradually used to potty/toilet. So begin by always changing the child in the toilet area, etc.

imaround

I believe my comment is fair. You admitted that they are good parents, yet you still feel like they aren't making correct decisions on potty training or using a dummy.

You either trust them as parents and allow them to make decisions on timeliness of milestone decisions (i.e.. forcing potty training when she is obviously not ready) OR you disagree with their parenting decisions and you come to a random forum to ask how to best approach them because you disagree with the decisions they made as parents.

If she isn't feeling wetness, she isn't ready to potty train. What happens if you force potty training before the child is ready?

------------------------------

"Second, consider your child’s psychological readiness. Is there something more your child needs to learn before pushing ahead?

baby wearing white hoody looks worried
Pediatricians, like those of the Canadian Paediatric Society, argue that refusal is a sign that your child isn’t ready for training. They recommend that you take a break from potty training for a month or two, and try again.

This isn’t unreasonable advice. Trying to force toilet training on an unwilling child is a bad idea. Children may respond by trying to withhold urine or stool, increasing the risk of a urinary tract infection or constipation. A coercive approach could also increase your child’s anxieties and fears — causing more potty training problems (Schmidt 2004b)."

parentingscience.com/potty-training-problems-prevention/#:~:text=They%20recommend%20that%20you%20take,urinary%20tract%20infection%20or%20constipation.

When we know better we do better.

Thank you, I do trust them but don't agree at the same time, I think these can both be valid. I've read some of these things, and they've a new baby coming in December so thought it would be easier to do first. I think it is the nappies meaning she isn't wet. Do they have to show most of the readiness signs to recommend training nowadays?

Where did OP say they were going to force or coerce. Actually the advice now is not to talk about readiness, so your info isnt accurate.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Sorry about that white hoodie comment, I copy and pasted this and that was randomly in there.

The entire article can be found at the link.

Doctors near me don't even recommend trying to PT until age 3, unless the child is showing multiple signs of being ready. That can happen at different ages for different children.

Please just enjoy your grandchildren while they are little and let her parents worry about everything else.

Galaxy

When will she start school nursery OP?

I'm not sure I think she starts in reception next year. I haven't put a kid through school for ages haha

I believe my comment is fair. You admitted that they are good parents, yet you still feel like they aren't making correct decisions on potty training or using a dummy.

You either trust them as parents and allow them to make decisions on timeliness of milestone decisions (i.e.. forcing potty training when she is obviously not ready) OR you disagree with their parenting decisions and you come to a random forum to ask how to best approach them because you disagree with the decisions they made as parents.

If she isn't feeling wetness, she isn't ready to potty train. What happens if you force potty training before the child is ready?

------------------------------

"Second, consider your child’s psychological readiness. Is there something more your child needs to learn before pushing ahead?

baby wearing white hoody looks worried
Pediatricians, like those of the Canadian Paediatric Society, argue that refusal is a sign that your child isn’t ready for training. They recommend that you take a break from potty training for a month or two, and try again.

This isn’t unreasonable advice. Trying to force toilet training on an unwilling child is a bad idea. Children may respond by trying to withhold urine or stool, increasing the risk of a urinary tract infection or constipation. A coercive approach could also increase your child’s anxieties and fears — causing more potty training problems (Schmidt 2004b)."

parentingscience.com/potty-training-problems-prevention/#:~:text=They%20recommend%20that%20you%20take,urinary%20tract%20infection%20or%20constipation.

When we know better we do better.

I wouldn’t say anything nor would I worry. It’ll all happen in good time. The parents or your granddaughter will decide on the timing. You should just enjoy your lovely little granddaughter. That’s all you have to do, enjoy her.

Helenlouise3

Whilst I agree parenting should be left to the parents, I would definitely use distraction tactics as far as the dummy's concerned. It surprises me that she's still in nappies at aged 3. In Wales children start school at 3 1/2 and are expected to be potty trained. Many years ago children had to be dry before going to nursery school aged 2 1/2.

As an earlier poster said she's not getting the sensation of wetness from the nappies. She's still in a nursery for the next year.

When will she start school nursery OP?

I knew what you meant by academic.. a clever child.

I allowed potty train and wean from me (same as a dummy in many ways) when they wanted. I'd vote leave worries to parents.

silverlining48

The gratitude comment was tongue in cheek by the way.

Thanks sorry, I've got a tendency to try and get over involved, that's why I also ask before I go blundering in haha

The gratitude comment was tongue in cheek by the way.

Your comments won’t be helpful and things have changed. I tried to suggest things to my dd a few times but nothing I said was ever right or taken up with gratitude so learned quickly to resist offering nuggets of advice/suggestions. With a dil it’s best practice to never comment unless asked.
Where our babies were usually potty trained by 2 because they couldn’t go to play school in nappies nowadays it’s when the child feels ready.
Summer is usually easier to do this, but probably by next summer this will not be a problem anyway.

Whilst I agree parenting should be left to the parents, I would definitely use distraction tactics as far as the dummy's concerned. It surprises me that she's still in nappies at aged 3. In Wales children start school at 3 1/2 and are expected to be potty trained. Many years ago children had to be dry before going to nursery school aged 2 1/2.

imaround

So the doctor told them they are ok, but you decided that you know better than the parents and the doctor on, at the very least, potty training but even worse have decided that they are failing as parents (as that is the tone of your post despite you not saying it).

My suggestion is that you mind you own business and allow them to raise their child as they wish with the advice of their doctor before you cause problems you cant undo with your son and DIL.

That's not fair, I think they're both amazing parents and doing what they think is best. I just wanted to know if I could help them in any way. I wanted to seek opinion first and sticking my nose in is the worst choice even if I think I can help

My three children didn’t have dummies - I never bought them. My daughter still had to have braces. All of them had to be potty trained by three years old for play group. My granddaughter never had a dummy either but I thought they left potty training a bit late - she didn’t need to be when she went to be nursery. She learnt pretty quickly when my son and his partner decided she was ready. I never said a word.

Daddima

midgey

I remember my mother reminding me that not many twenty year olds wear nappies! That was when I was stressing about my two year old son! Life is very very different these days. Stress ye not!

This made me laugh, as, when I worked in early years, I used to always say, ‘ just remember, he/she won’t be doing it when he/she’s nineteen’!

his is legit true. For 20 years I have been reminding myself that I haven't met a single adult that is not potty trained, walking on their own instead of being carried everywhere, or using a dummy. The typical complaints about "bad" parents from people who have no business complaining

People just need to calm down and let kids be kids. He is 3 and every child hits milestones at different times.

I wouldnt interfere myself but school nurseries are intervening I have seen it happen a number of times this week alone.

So the doctor told them they are ok, but you decided that you know better than the parents and the doctor on, at the very least, potty training but even worse have decided that they are failing as parents (as that is the tone of your post despite you not saying it).

My suggestion is that you mind you own business and allow them to raise their child as they wish with the advice of their doctor before you cause problems you cant undo with your son and DIL.

midgey

I remember my mother reminding me that not many twenty year olds wear nappies! That was when I was stressing about my two year old son! Life is very very different these days. Stress ye not!

This made me laugh, as, when I worked in early years, I used to always say, ‘ just remember, he/she won’t be doing it when he/she’s nineteen’!

Actually the thinking around potty training is changing again as schools are struggling to cope, there is a big drive in our area for school readiness.

I know plenty of kids of my generation that didn't use any dummies and needed braces