Daughter just uses me

Where did they learn how to behave? not necessarily from their parents Shinyredcar.

I know how you feel believe me. How would you feel if you had been used as the Bank of Mum, paid out for umpteen things for a grandchild and the parents plus £1k a month for 15 months to help with the rent, only to be told now you are a narcissist and in need of mental therapy, totally ignored, sends presents to the grandchild every couple of months with no acknowledgment. Never brought up to be so rude and ignorant but that is what happens when a small child's father dies and is then overindulged to compensate. That is the only thing I can imagine why.

When we feel people are taking advantage of us we are the only people who can change that. The feeling of hurt is horrible but will happen again unless you put some markers down for the future.

Primrose53 I agree, so many excuses given for young people nowadays as if they are the only generation who have had children and needed to work.
The OPs DD has behaved abysmally, bet she didn't hang back taking up the free childcare provided up until now. Who delivered/collected the child. Plenty opportunity to have even a quick chat about the additional free pre school day. No wonder Misty007 feels used.

This is such a frequent complaint. The people you complain about are your children.

Where did they learn how to behave?

I can’t claim I was exactly in your boat Misty007 because my daughter had told me GS would be at playschool that day, only I had completely forgotten and I, a roughy toughly Ed-matelot, was actually crying when I realised that, that particular phase was almost over. Silly I know, he is having a lovely time and I still DO see him frequently, but it is a shock, and deeply depressing so I know exactly how you feel

Tell her you are DISAPPOINTED in her not letting you know. Tell her you could have used that day (if you had known it was going to be free) for meeting a friend or shopping or any number of things. What she doesn’t realise is that we older people have lives too which are just as important as theirs . G chn grow up- they don’t need us as much but make a weekly date to pick her up from nursery or school so that you build up a good relationship with her that will last .

Welcome to my world. My daughter lied and cheated her way through my life, she involved me in her Benefit Fraud, using my house, phone number, and my address. When I finally stood up for myself, she stopped me seeing my grandchildren. My granddaughter was ten, my grandson was 4. Read my full horror story: My House: a memoir on Booksie.com

Just to add, I feel privileged to be ‘taken for granted’ by my children, although it very , very rarely happens. Isn’t it a mother’s duty to be there, for her children ? Maybe, it’s because I am divorced, stay-at-home, and don’t have a life 😂

Misty007

Is this the same daughter you have been having a rocky relationship with in the last 17 years?

Let it go. There's more to come. Sadly.

crazyH

Misty - they are all the same - daughters I mean and children in general……Take their Mothers for granted. You’re not alone

Nope. Neither of my children has ever, not once, taken me for granted in this way. Presumably I have just been extremely fortunate?

It is a sad situation to be ‘discarded’ like that …..but so many grandparents are crushed by similar situations. But take a step back and realize that you probably put no restrictions on providing free childcare for your GC! If you dedicated yourself to this routine happily and willingly and didn’t give a thought or had the time or motivation to realize that this is is your (mid life) time to enjoy like minded friendships and to try new hobbies……. then when your ‘services’ aren’t required any more you have nothing to fill that void! Yes, you have good reason to feel miserable, but why didn’t you think about what you needed as well as what your family needed before jumping in so willingly!

Ok. So tell her how much you’re missing seeing your granddaughter and ask if there’s anything else you can do, like babysitting or collecting her from play school. Stop expecting to be part of their life except if you’re needed. Sounds nasty I know, but I’m afraid that’s life. And. Get yourself one. Know that sounds nasty too. Yet how about advertising yourself as a babysitter? You’ll be paid, appreciated and doing some good.

I’m sure that they would notify the pre-school establishment if there was a change of plan, so why not grandmother, the
‘ previous’ minder?

I, like others on here, don’t agree with this excuse that because young parents are busy people they can behave without any thought for others. I see it time and time again in these threads. Looking after your DGC for 3 years is a long time and part of a routine. What on earth did your daughter think she was doing changing this without telling you about it? It’s rude, thoughtless and unacceptable. Do talk to her and tell her you feel let down - without falling out. There also seems to be a feeling from many on here that, if you stand up for yourself, you will, in some way, be punished like not seeing your family. It’s making door mats out of grandparents.
My children are grateful for help and say so and I have to say I expect it.

Im sorry, but there really is no excuse, it takes a minute to send a text, i know some of how you're feeling myself, not to that extent that you are experiencing i looked after my 2 grand daughters fir my daughter, for one day a week for 3 years, till they went to nursery, we were and still aren't ever invited to her house, no lunch, no drinks, nothing. Yet they fall over backwards to please my ex and his partner in crime. It hurts yo be discarded and especially when you have such a close bond with your GC. I hope you can resolve this, and still see your GC. You deserve to be treated much better than this x

Kacee

I'm sorry neither of them had 5 minutes in their 'busy' week to tell their parents what
Was going to be happening. What a load of twaddle. It seems they found time in their busy lives to ask them to look after the child.
I bet they found time in their busy lives to let them know what to get for the child's birthday and Christmas.
They are just rude and if it was one of my daughters I would be on the phone asking why they didn't think I warranted a phone call to let me know the situation.

This!
No excuse for not informing you. They must have known that you would be expecting your GC after doing the childcare for three years! I would have to address this with them. However it is up to you all to try and find a new way of seeing your GC going forward as it is their decision how many days their child is in daycare. Sadly it will be different but be glad for the three years you had. Not all grandparents get that.

I'm sorry neither of them had 5 minutes in their 'busy' week to tell their parents what
Was going to be happening. What a load of twaddle. It seems they found time in their busy lives to ask them to look after the child.
I bet they found time in their busy lives to let them know what to get for the child's birthday and Christmas.
They are just rude and if it was one of my daughters I would be on the phone asking why they didn't think I warranted a phone call to let me know the situation.

I understand both sides on this one. Firstly, she was wrong to not communicate with you that LO would be going to preschool for 5 days, that would have been common courtesy after you doing the role for so long. Are you sure there are no issues that she may not be communicating with you? On the other side of the coin, preschool gets children used to being in the routine of going to school 5 days a week so when it comes to them going to actual school, there are no issues with that transition. They have people there trained to help children reach developmental milestones and gives them opportunity to socialise with children of the same age, so while it was nice for you to spend time with your grandchild and had benefit to you, it's likely more beneficial for your grandchild to go to the preschool.

This is happening so much these days. Im thoroughly sick of hearing "young people are so busy". I never used to say that and was incredibly busy. In fact usually busy people rarely say that. Seems to be a excuse now for every sort of bad behaviour. I had exactly the same and still really struggle to see my beloved gd.

crazyH

Misty - they are all the same - daughters I mean and children in general……Take their Mothers for granted. You’re not alone flowers

Sorry but whilst I agree ALL children, adult or otherwise, have the capacity to be rude, entitled and take parents for granted, some of us call this out straight away so it doesn’t become a habit as it’s very selfish and rude to behave like this and take anyone for granted xx

Perhaps, as it's probably been such a big issue getting childcare, she thought you already knew! I often find people close to me think I'm either a mind reader or aware of everything, everywhere, all the time! Maybe a mixture of just making assumptions and poor social skills, don't take it too much to heart X

My daughter and son in law have never taken me for granted either. They are very appreciative of the childcare I do. My daughter contacts me a lot outwith care time and will pop in to see me when she isn't working. In fact, they take me on holiday with them every year. You can't make one example a general issue

Sorry but no one is so busy they cannot, at the very least, send a message or phone up! I think it’s very rude and sorry to say it but a sign of how entitled SOME of our children can be. I’d arrange to see her and very nicely explain how much you miss you DGD and would like to catch up with her and her mummy