Always being on call for my elderly neighbour.

Just remember when you feel like relenting that your neighbour is using you and doesn't have your welfare at heart. If you don't like confrontation avoid her as much as you can and see if you can block her calls. If she does catch you don't tell her where you are going. It's not her business and I would never go into a cafe with her again. She is a sponger.

I think you will only get away from her by being blunt, just as she is. I don’t tell lies either so I understand your reluctance to make up a medical ailment as an excuse. Difficult though it is, can you pluck up the courage to tell her that you’ve really had enough of sorting out all her problems, giving her lifts everywhere, carrying her shopping like a beast of burden, paying for her coffee and cake and generally being used? Don’t accept the skirts for shortening. And block her phone number. You’re not getting anything but aggro in return for your kindness. She’ll find someone else to use. People like her always do.

Seems like you are just going to have to lay it on the line GrannyGrunter no easy way round it. Tell your neighbour you are not able to help her any more, don't try to cut down on what you do as it seems she will not take no for an answer.
If you don't feel up to the confrontation then ask one of your family to help,
Continue to enjoy your own life, sounds like a full and happy one.

Thank you all for your kind advice.

The phone rang just half an hour ago and I picked it up without thinking and it was my neighbour. She was annoyed that I had not taken her call this morning or again at lunchtime so I told her I did have other things to do besides answering the phone when it rang. She asked me what I was doing so I just said I was very busy sorting out decorations for Christmas, plates and glasses etc. that were packed away in the laundry room for when I will be hosting our family.

I asked her what she wanted and she asked me when I could shorten her skirts for her. I played dumb and asked her why she didn't take them to an alterations store but she said that they charge too much for doing it and because she had me I could do them for nothing.

I lied and told her it would have to be after the New year as I was busy with hospital appointments and meeting friends for lunch. She said she wanted them doing earlier than that so I said, just take one to the alterations shop and then I will know what length you want them shortening to.

I dread the phone ringing. When it was summer and I didn't answer the phone because I was sitting in the garden she would come round to my home and yell, yoohoo through the gate. She said she had come for a coffee with me.

I don't tell lies and I am not happy with having to lie to her but I feel as though I cannot go anywhere without her wanting to go with me. I dare not tell her if I am going into town as she wants to go with me. I am a very fit person for my age and can walk miles but she can't, she is very bad on her feet and cannot carry anything so if we go out together I am the one carrying the bags, helping her on and off the bus
and it takes us ages to get anywhere as she always wants to go for a coffee and cake as she is tired but I am the one paying. The last time I gave her the receipt and said it comes to £8 each, she just said, she will pay the next time. When the next time came, I got the food we wanted and gave her the bill for her to pay and she just said, I will pay for mine and you can pay for yours. She is so mean. She lives around the corner from me and sees me when I go out, I cannot get away from her.

Years ago when I was at work I went on an Assertiveness Training course, and one of the exercises was to practice saying 'no'. No excuses, no apology, no fudging. We had to work with a partner and ask each other questions, eg. 'will you give me a lift home?'...'No'. 'Will you swop shifts with me?' ... 'No'. 'Will you have some cake? ... 'No'. It was incredibly empowering, but I must admit I have rarely used the technique in real life. However I think this lady is taking the p**s and perhaps a blunt 'no' might be a better answer and have a longer-term effect than stressing because you don't want to pick up the phone (well, I'd be stressing!).

I wouldn't make up reasons - it's too easy to get caught out if you forget what you've said - but if a plain 'no' feels impossible then I agree with just saying you are busy - which is true, you are busy with your own life!

I hope you find a way of getting her off your back - I suppose it partly depends on whether you want to continue to have a friendly relationship with her. But remember, your wants and needs are just as important as hers (something else we were taught on that course!). Good luck!

I think you need to be honest with her. Tell her that you quite simply do not have the energy any more to be sorting out your own needs and also dealing with all of hers. That she will need to ask her family or get workmen in!

But also I think that you could deal with some of the things you mention in a different way:

*The TV remote ..tell her to look at the list you gave her written down and pinned by the TV. Or stuck on back of remote
* Shopping - if she is tired and wants to go home tell her you havent finished and to find a seat back in the cafe and you will come when you have finished
*Coffee and cake - tell her you quite simply cant afford to keep paying for both of you so please could you have some money to pay for hers!

She may get huffy if you do this. Then tell her "Fine, you will need to
find someone else to help then!"

By doing all of this she will either accept and compromise or leave you alone. Possibly unpleasantly initially I know but you can just reiterate the above. Dont let her guilt trip you.

Oooops missed the ending ( hahahaha )

The old saying you reap what you sew.

Ohh heck, part of me is saying ohh poor lady but part of me is saying don't get roped in.

Her family should be asked to do A,B and C, it is not your place to be filling the gap. I understand she needs things doing, that much is obvious but it really isn't your place and I am thinking she IS taking your kindness for granted.

You are a lovely person to be doing all you do for her, you really are, but a lot of what you say really does shout out 'taken for granted'.

She maybe doesn't ask her family because she knows they will not do it, but by her own attitude ( sharpe tongue ) it seems she only has herself to blame for the way things are BUT then I think why is she like this? Whatever the reason is, it most certainly is not YOUR problem to solve.

Well done to you for allllll you have done... 💐

The old, old saying springs to mind

I'm 85 next month and have become the 'go to' person for giving free lifts for a similar lady so I know what you mean.
Even if you don't have arthritis, its a good excuse to use - "No I can't come round to fix the TV my arthritic ankle and doctor says it needs to be rested. Why not ask your son/grandson/nephew?"
"My back's playing up again, why not phone AgeUK?" and give her the number.
"The arthritis in my right hand means I keep dropping my needle so I'm not able to sew at the moment." (you could always look up local seamstresses and jot the numbers down ready by your phone.

That is if you're like me and lack the bottle to tell her straight out that you are too busy, as AgaA suggests!

Yes you are indeed kind and caring but you or your Sons need to tell her that as someone the same age as her you are unable to continue helping her and She must ask her own family for support. I would also be inclined to invent some medical ailments (you may or may not have these) and say that your health prevents you from taking on these tasks. Alternatively ask her for some help with things that you need doing and see what response you get. It is likely to be negative which tells you all you need to know about someone who is a taker and not a giver. Look after yourself first and foremost and enjoy your lovely family.

Totally agree with the advice given above. Time to look after yourself

I totally agree with AGAA4

You've shown a lot of patience and kindness to your neighbour but I'd suggest enough is enough...for your sake.

You are a very kind neighbour Grannygrunter and this woman is
taking advantage of you. Your sons are right you need to keep away from her and concentrate on looking after yourself.
You can either just block her calls or tell her that you are unable to keep doing things for her as it is too much for you.