WANTED staff and punters Argy Bargy under new management

Ta, I’ll have the heated up pasty with the fried mushrooms, sounds tasty.Na, don’t worry about sell by dates, that’s for wimps.Just hurry it up tho as I haven’t got all day and the service here is snailpace.What? You serve fried snails as well?
Will pass on those.

Oreo I can heat up a pasty I found in the freezer. Use by date February 1997 but should be ok. Or there are some mushrooms? growing in the cellar if you would prefer those

Do ya do lunches here? Just finished work and am starving!
I’d normally have a large vodka but not on an empty tum.

Hmm Hamish a big asset? A big ass tho, I’ll give you that.Bum enhancement you think? And why does he hang his sporran on it, should be on his frontage?

Brook the llamas have never smelt so good …….apart from that scruffy one in the corner, he’s still pongy 😷……. Oh it’s the Admiral!

Right, I’ve chosen the new barman. His name is Hamish. A fine upstanding chap. A big asset. And what’s more, he’s got his own sporran, and a fine specimen it is too.

The llama smell has been greatly improved by the L'Art & La Matiere perfumes. We can tell Charleygirl we bought a cheap bottle of Evening in Crewe station on the Dock Road.

🤫 AGA didn’t think she’d notice

Is Doodle still erm .. interviewing? I've had to revive some of the potential barmen. The last one came out shaking in a state of collapse mumbling 'please not again'.
brook the llamas smell divine. Have you been using Charleygirl's most expensive perfume on them?

Great idea Brook, panto night on Friday, all come dressed as any pantomime character.
I’ll come as WishyWashy, yes I’ve overheard the criticism of my management style. Am I bovvered? Do I look bovvered? Face? Bovvered?

Well done brook. No mean feat getting them all rounded up.
If I wasn’t so tied up with the barman interviews (they will keep fighting back) I would come and help you.

Oooh apologies I’ve been absent for a while - I got a bit tied up with the llamas. It’s all sorted now though and I’m off to Madam Pom Poms to get their Christmas outfits sorted out and ready for the panto

Oh yes, ixion, no worries on that score, it’s my speciality. (I’m not sure that dancer is quite up to the “technicals” though). I’d gladly give lessons, but not tonight. Tonight the floor is mine, well mine and the Admirals - he’s surprisingly supple.

It's not so much the frock, Delilah.
It's the technicals.
Are you sure you are up for this?

Ooh - this is more like it, my favourite dance! Quick change and I’ll be right there Admiral. And just you wait til you see my Argentinian Tango dress Charleygirl!

I see there is a very long stretch of tartan on the floor, I’m off now in search of the previous wearer, I may be some time.

The bar is all yours Delila, line up the cocktails while Doodle does her examinations, er I mean interviews.

That might be a good idea Laura, as on top of everything else I think Maddy’s been neglecting the sprouts today.

Get your costume on Delila, the bouncy floor has been polished and the Admiral is ready for an Argentine Tango, don’t be too careful where your feet end up.

I am unsure if the sprouts will be cooked sufficiently for eating on Christmas Day. Would you like me to send one of my chefs around to give some advice? Nothing worse than undercooked sprouts.

I’ll help out in the bar Laura, it’ll take my mind off things.

I’ve seen those shoes Charley, I think the D&G stands for Dirty and Grubby, the cobblers from Fleet of Foot Street.

Oh no! Bless us all!!

Size 6 is a bit on the large side, but thanks anyway Charleygirl. I’m lucky to have dainty little dancer’s feet. I really came here for the dance but I’m not confident now that it’s going to happen.

Volunteers for the bar please while Doodle tests the bar men.
Meanwhile keep an eye on the sprouts Maddy, 20 days to go. Please don’t leave your teeth in them tonight.
Ixion the culture lot have set off for Covent Garden while the uncouth matelots are running amok in the convent garden. Mother Superior is having a fit, two nuns have had a stroke, a third one tried but couldn’t reach.