WANTED staff and punters Argy Bargy under new management

We could serve a nice crab salad this evening, call it Santa Claws. We need to drum up more business.
I was thinking we could repackage ixion’s smelly soapy products as Lather Christmas.
We could even spray the llama droppings with sparkly spray and sell as baubles.

Don’t let Pitt take his legs, she’ll use them as stocking fillers.

I’ve found one. The doorman from Flash Harry’s.
You take his legs and I’ll take his arms. Let’s get him in. The Argy and pull his cracker. 💥

Okay let’s open the Baileys and keep schtum about my whereabouts.
More baubles on the Christmas tree, free booze for one night only and let’s see how many hunky crackers we can pull.

Ooh Laura is that you with your new beard? I knew you’d been growing one for a while. It’s great. You look just like Santa.
Pittcity talking of booze cruise, will you help me unload. I’ve been to the Belgium booze market with the llamas for some supplies. I just bought the cheapest stuff. No idea what it is but the guy selling it said it would blow your knickers off……..at least I think that’s what he meant 🤔

Won't buy that, LauraN.
I know what you have been doing. 😜.
But the kiddies will love you, and the Admiral, and Sven, and Thor and ...

So glad you're here LauraN. Thought I'd have to drink by myself.

Are you still there Pittcity, can you hear me, hello, hello, please rescue me.
I was putting the last lot of boiled dry and burnt sprouts in the bin when the cellar door banged shut. I’ve been in here with spiders, cockroaches and eau de llama for two days and not a drop of poteen to deaden the pain.
To make matters worse your stocking filler belonged to Peggy Leggy who could have come to my rescue if her crutches weren’t being used to prop up the two legged table in the bar.

Has everyone gone on a booze cruise?

Put it in the Grand Christmas Raffle.
I'll see if I can find a left to match.
It's use? Don't ask.

Give it to the Admiral. He’s always legless at Christmas 🤣

Anyone on the lookout for a last minute Christmas present?

ixion don’t be silly. Every one knows you can’t be in Brief Encounter, you always go commando. 🤸‍♀️

GG always gets the best of the bunch. It’s not fair.
What are we going to do here to attract the punters?
What about a Miss Argy Bary contest…….or better still a strong man contest. Bags I get to oil all the contestants

Lumme, it's fast, isn't it?😱.
By the time I'd sat down, tucked my sticks under the seat, put my glasses on and adjusted my hearing aids accordingly, the chap facing me had disappeared and another one was sat there.

Not for me, this modern day stuff.
I'm more a slow burner girl.
You know, Brief Encounter type romance😍😘🥰.

Dyna Mite offered to take Howard but he refused as she looked a bit unstable.

Sorry Doodle GG was first there and has gone off with the best of them. All that's left is a 95 year old farmer with bandy legs and dog called Howard. He's hoping to be adopted.

What! Am I missing it. Out my way 🏃🏼‍♀️

Awww Doodle what a trooper you are ! I think everyone is down at the Pig and Whistle, it’s speed dating there on a Monday

Excuse me, I’m not looking after this place all in my own 😡
I’ve cleaned the loos, washed the glasses (well wiped them over a bit) . Got the bar ready and made some freshly baked sausage rolls for the bar snacks. I admit they do look a little strange, a bit long and spindly but that’s what comes out of the machine.

Now come on Pittcity you’re just being greedy. Pass them round. 🤣

Who snuck in and took a photo of me in the back office?

Don’t worry Laura the sprouts will be fine I’ve scraped all the burnt bits off the bottom and filled the pot again. They are boiling nicely now and the burnt bits have been used in tonight’s bubble and squeak 🐭 supper dish.
Hamish is still trying to get his sporran down for the ceiling fan (that girls been up there for days 🤔) and I’ve been helping Thor polish his hammer in the cellar.
Llamas broke into the poteen stash and are sleeping it off in the corner.

I have been away aboard the HMS Culture McBoatface.
The hunky Captain Ivor Stamma had me at H H Hello, then again an hour later, etc.
He said he wanted to feel my b…b…bag in case I was carrying contraband
He asked me if I wanted a fff…fff…fish supper.
Then he said he’d rip off my pa…pa… packa Mac as it had stopped raining.
Phwoar what an exhausting few days.
Now who let the sprouts boil dry?
Who’s manning the bar?

I am more than happy to join you in this utterly shellfish act Pitt and will put my own £100 behind the Argy Bar to share with all the other shellfish guys. Line em up Hamish.