Christmas and sons dad

Absolutely no way would I invite him. Why should your husband have to put up with your previous bed partner on Christmas Day? (I’m trying to imagine how I’d feel if my husband asked if an ex wife could join us for Christmas!! It’s unthinkable!) If your children are so concerned, they can take him out for lunch - they should not expect you to feed him!

Your son is being really unfair…your ex is not your responsibility and if your son doesn’t understand that then he’s a spoiled brat. Your responsibility now is to stand united with your husband and if your son has a rubbish Christmas it’s too bad.

O.M.G.no - does your son have his own place? Why not have his dad to lunch there, or maybe he could see if his dad(with or without son) could go to dads family? Or some of them come to his? I know that means son wont then be at yours christmas day lunch but maybe he could come (minus dad) to boxing day lunch instead? What about twin sister? Is she boycotting you as well or just giving her twin support but but still at yours at christmas lunch? Maybe she could have lunch then pop to dads/brothers for rest of day? Its really not up to you to sort your ex's christmas for him nor your adult childrens- what if you said yes & he meets a new 'girlfriend' by then and lets your twins down anyway at last minute? Unless you ALL get along well(&it doesnt sound like you do) then i would say no and maybe you & your current hubby could even go out to lunch or go to his family and let twins have lunch with their dad? Its just one christmas, just one day.Why should you bail your ex out?- i doubt he wants to come anyway.🤔

DaisyL

It is supposed to be the season of goodwill - my ex spent Christmas with my new husband and me - it was only for a few hours and everyone managed to be civilised for the sake of my son. It wasn't that easy but now that they are both dead I am very glad that we managed it. My son would have hated his father to be alone for Christmas. We scooped up a couple of other people who were on their own which diluted the situation.

The season of goodwill DaisyL??!! What a ridiculous comment. What about the season of goodwill towards Nanny56’s husband of the past 12 years?

your son is an adult and you have been divorced many years so why should you invite your ex if your son wants to spend it with his dad then tell him so and just enjoy your Christmas with your husband

I do think sometimes we need to ‘bite the bullet’ and this is one of those times. Yes I’d invite an ex particularly if my son asked. It’s only a few hours. Be the bigger person and pamper everyone. You are a mum and please be the bigger person. If your present husband is worth anything, he too will rise to the occasion and at least manage to be pleasant.

Nanny56
I’d definitely say no, I wouldn’t give any reason, seems your husband is going to get the blame for your ex not being invite. Tell your kids from the ex, I’m saying no as I don’t want to spend Christmas with him. Feel free to invite to your place, he’s no invited to my house!

Your home and your husbands . You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your home….your son has no say and cannot tell you who to invite . He needs to grow up at 26.

Well I think your husband comes first his feelings, your sons dad is an ex there’s no way I would be inviting him, it’s ludicrous. Not your problem, and your son should realise this.

Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day . Yes I know my son is 26 but still feel for him.

His choice not for you to worry about. Your son is welcome at yours but not with his dad in toe. End of.

Your house - your decision ! Your son can choose where he spends Christmas. Either without his dad at yours, with his dad somewhere else, or on his own. He's 26. Why is your daughter making you feel guilty? Whe doesn't she have her father over for Christmas instead ? Do what you want to do. Don't be blackmailed, bullied by any of your family, and that includes your present husband.

What's your husband got against your ex? Would your ex feel comfortable coming to you when you're now married to someone else?

It is supposed to be the season of goodwill - my ex spent Christmas with my new husband and me - it was only for a few hours and everyone managed to be civilised for the sake of my son. It wasn't that easy but now that they are both dead I am very glad that we managed it. My son would have hated his father to be alone for Christmas. We scooped up a couple of other people who were on their own which diluted the situation.

The thought of having to spend Christmas with my husband and ex husband sounds horrendous - tell your son you and your husband have decided to have a quiet Christmas on your own- it is only one day after all- I agree with the other posts your son is old enough to make his own arrangements!!

Ex husband over current husband - can't see why there is any question. If son wants to see his dad - up to him to sort that out. Only reason to get ex & current together would be for a family drama - perhaps best avoided.

When my husband and I divorced both of us remarried, I had another child with my second husband, he just had stepchildren. Most Christmases and Easters were spent all together, I got on with my ex husband's new family and he got on well with my new family too. But this only works if everybody is on board with it, it simply won't work if even one person is unhappy with the situation. Your loyalty should be with your new husband but I do find it difficult to understand what his problem is. Maybe you could try a sit down conversation asking why he is unhappy with your ex coming.

If your kids are so concerned about their father having a lonely Christmas they can hit M and S and take Christmas to him. No way would I be entertaining this idea!
And if they all go in the huff that is their problem... it would not be mine.

Over the years you make an effort for family weddings, christenings etc but l wouldn’t expect my husband to entertain my ex in our home neither would my children. We’ve attended a grandchild’s birthday party at my daughters home with ex also present and we’re sociable but l don’t understand why your children think that just because time has passed you should welcome him with open arms

As an ex wife with sons I’d say sorry son but your dad is no longer my problem as we divorced now he has his own family to go too. If your son chooses to go with his dad as an adult that is his choice. My sons used to go to their dads one Christmas and mine the next now both married with wife’s and kids of their own they invite us. I’m on my own so I’m off to my youngest my ex going to his own family my oldest going on holiday.

I think this is a question of boundaries. Your husband has a right to draw his line in the sand and so do you. If it were my kids, I would tell them that they might not understand now but if they are ever in the same position as your husband, they will. It's one thing to be magnanimous and friendly with exes at weddings, christenings, etc., but another to spend Christmas together for no particular reason other than your ex hasn't sorted himself out.
If I told my children that it was important to me to back my husband because that is what a couple do with each other if they want their marriage to work, they would want what was best for me. Your son should want that for you.

Where's the proplem? You have been apart 15 years, he was presumable not pkeasant to e marrid to.You have been happiky married for someone else for 12 years.
Your grown-up son is being utterly unreasonable.

Why on earth it should break your heart if your son chooses to spend a miserable Christmas with his father defeats me. I can see no reason other than fanciful self-indulgence for you feeling like that.

You enjoy your Christmas with your DH and the rest of the family and do not waste a passing thought on either son or ex husband. They are both adults and can make decisions for themselves and live with the results if they aren't all they wanted.

A big fat no. I totally understand your feelings about your son, but he doesn’t understand your feelings about your ex husband or indeed your present husband.
Don’t be emotionally blackmailed by your adult child.

Seems like they would like to pop over for a lovely Christmas lunch without the work and the faff. Your stance is perfectly reasonable.

He is your ex for a reason. Your loyalties are now with your husband.

And I think my daughter ( though I hate to say it out loud) is shifting her guilt over to me by questioning my husband decisions because she has no intention of staying with her dad and not coming here.