Christmas and sons dad

That’s the thing.it appears they have told him he coming. Well not told him other wise. He won’t call any of his family members to see if he can go there. And he says “ I’m ok on my own” knowing full well that my son won’t let that happen

Stick your husbands view. It is not your responsibility to see your ex has somewhere to go on Christmas Day!

Does your ex even want to come? It seems this is all being arranged for him by your son and daughter. He may even be happy being alone at Christmas.

Yeah I have said to him to come Xmas evening and I will make a big fuss of him Boxing Day . Or he can spend Xmas Eve night here and have a lovely breakfast to go to his dads who won’t get up till at least 11am. I think deep down they know what they asking and doing is wrong. ( I hope )

As I have said before Christmas is a season, not just one day Thousands of families will see some of the family on Christmas Day, while meeting with others on Christmas Eve' Boxing Day. New Year or any time in between. This is not only because of Family rifts but also because of distances to travel or small homes which cannot accommodate the whole tribe at once. If travelling distances is not a problem, then it is possible to spend time with with everyone eg Breakfast or Brunch, Lunch, Afternoon or Evening. For many years I did 2 Christmas Dinners - one for my shift working side of the family, the other for the InLaws. You need to have a grown up conversation to sort it out.

Thank you for the answers coming in. I will be sticking with husband and not backing down over ex husband but I needed to know I wasn’t being unreasonable, I have constant messages and discussions with my children at how my husband is ruining their Xmas. That my husband should be over it by now after so long. Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day . Yes I know my son is 26 but still feel for him.

Your house , your invite ! Don’t even think of inviting him !

You absolutely back your husband over your adult child. There is no negotiation.

Your son in an adult so he can choose where to spend Christmas. It sounds odd that he should even suggest your ex husband should attend.

Listen to your husband.
He doesn't want your ex-husband at your house for Christmas just because he hasn't had a better offer this year. Why ever would he?

Your son can spend Christmas with his dad if he's worried about him, as can your daughter.
Why do you think they'd have a rubbish Christmas? They're all adults, they can sort themselves out.

It's not your responsibility and not worth causing trouble at home for.

If your son wants to see his dad, he can invite him to his place -at 26 he’s a grown up now! Why should it be a “rubbish” Christmas,?
Time to stop being a doormat and letting these “adult” children guilt trip you into doing something which will upset your husband and make you both unhappy.

When the twins were small it was obviously the every other Xmas with their dad, then as I said he had girlfriends and the twins came a kind off second and we just got on with it but now cos he not going anywhere my son literally can’t see the problem that his dad come and spend the day with me, my husband, my grown up kids from another relationship as a big happy family cos to my son 15 years is enough time for my new husband to not have a problem

In a word, no.
Sorry, but it’s emotional blackmail. Your husband should come first, not your ex.
The fact your ex is on his own is his fault, not yours. Just don’t contemplate having him for lunch.

Your son is obviously an adult, it’s up to him and his dad to make their Christmas not rubbish, perhaps by inviting some of his dad’s family to share it.
I would agree with the man I married and stick by him, it’s not your responsibility, however I sense a ‘back story’.
Good question Urmstongran.

Cos he’s had a string of girl friends but now he’s on his own. And as yet no one else invited him so my son said he doesn’t want him to be on his own , fair enough. But he insists I should ask him here

Why now the drama after all these years?
What’s changed?