Should guests dictate the menu?

merlotgran

I’m coeliac so my friends all offer me gf biscuits if I go for coffee. When we all go somewhere together, like U3A meetings and coffee is offered, I don’t eat anything. I just say no thanks to the biscuits and leave it at that.

Coeliac DD were asked by a friend we're visiting soon if they are able to eat meat.
🤔

I do think it is rude to request a different offering of refreshment. Just say no thank you, or ask for a glass of water.

plus biscuits, always have to offer gluten free; one is eaten and the rest go to waste because the GF won't take them home

GF biscuits are usually lovely so could be offered to everyone, eazybee, not so the bread. Pastry is inedible!

To some extent, yes. Whenever I invite people- I make sure I ask them if they have any foods they don't eat, and if they have special requirements, and try my best to adapt for them. Why have guests if you are not prepared to make them comfortable and enjoy their meal or stay?

I think asking for white sugar instead of brown or asking for fruit tea is being rather picky.

If lactose intolerant DD goes somewhere where only cow's milk is on offer, she'd drink tea or coffee black.

No! However, I like to consider everyone’s tastes.

Hear hear AGAA4. I accept gratefully anything I’m offered. I wouldn’t dream of asking for anything else.
Well brought up I suppose.

I agree with Doodledog. I take minutes at committee meetings and always offer tea or coffee at the beginning. I put biscuits out and water on the table. Then someone wants a cup of peppermint tea and another chips in wanting very weak coffee and another wanting an apple instead of biscuits and another wants just a cup of half cold and half warm water (why?). Honestly, half the meeting is taken up with this rigmarole. It's ridiculous in my opinion.

Mine is a gluten free house so when I entertain my guests all eat gf bread, biscuits, cake, Yorkshire puddings etc,

Nobody bats an eyelid. If I contribute a cake to a function the organisers are always pleased there’s a gf offering.

Doodledog I agree with you, unless it is a meal, either accept what is offered or politely decline.

Thankfully, I have never had anyone aak for something other than what was on offer, certainly not where the food is concerned, if you do not like biscuits don;t eat them, ditto with cake.

I am afraid in this household, you get coffee or tea. I rarely offer food, unless we are having a formal meeting, hammering it out round the table for a couple of hours. Then I will do biscuits.

flappergirl

I agree with Doodledog. I take minutes at committee meetings and always offer tea or coffee at the beginning. I put biscuits out and water on the table. Then someone wants a cup of peppermint tea and another chips in wanting very weak coffee and another wanting an apple instead of biscuits and another wants just a cup of half cold and half warm water (why?). Honestly, half the meeting is taken up with this rigmarole. It's ridiculous in my opinion.

That's exactly what I am getting at.

I repeat for the millionth time - if someone is coming to dinner, then of course I will check that I'm not going to serve something they can't eat or don't like (and more so if they are staying for a while), but basic refreshments should, IMO be on a 'take it or leave it' basis.

I’m with you doodle. In your shoes I’d just put water and a plate of pretty boring biscuits out. Meetings aren’t social occasions, surely it’s reasonable to keep refreshments simple.

Every couple of months I attend a fairly tedious meeting. The only liquid on offer is water which we pour ourselves. There are usually biscuits - plain, nothing with chocolate. When I worked meetings were either in the office where we all made our own drinks before they began or if in an external meeting room there was a machine where we made our own choices from what was available. Anyone with particular needs, or extra fussy, took their own drinks.

Our granddaughters’ Mum constantly experiments with different milks, if she’s coming for a cuppa she will automatically bring her current milk of choice or have a drink not requiring milk. Surely that’s the sensible thing to do. Friends know I’m not a coffee person so will always offer me tea. If I’m offered coffee in a social situation a smile and a no thank you doesn’t offend, if it seems ok to do so I’ll ask for some water, offer to get it if it would help. All seems basic common sense to me.

I think I'll move to water when we reconvene after Christmas, and see what happens.

Sorry - posted too soon.

Thanks to those who read the posts and didn't think I was talking about house guests or dinner parties . I've listened to all posters, but haven't changed my mind - if something is offered over and above what is necessary it is rude to expect your own wants to be predicted and accommodated.

Doodledog

I think I'll move to water when we reconvene after Christmas, and see what happens.

Someone is bound to ask for hot water and also tepid water. Just give it to them from the tap.

Doodledog

I think I'll move to water when we reconvene after Christmas, and see what happens.

Brilliant.

People could be happy with water. It's just a meeting.

I make coffee, tea, milks available for my husband's workers (workers matter to us) - however water is totally acceptable - always.

Dont like the taste of coffee. Never have . If I'm offered coffee I politely decline and ask if I can have tea instead. No -one minds as far as I know. Surely if we have guests we are prepared to put ourselves out a bit to give them what they want.

I would hate to be hostess and know my guests weren't catered for. Most people cater for family and friends and should know their likes,dislikes and dietary needs.

I agrée with the water decision Doodledog as a business meeting that’s just right.

I agree with Doodledog absolutely. Just put water out in future Doodledog. People who ask for brown sugar instead of white, or a biscuit instead of cake are simply rude and entitled. Doodledog is not discussing catering for guests, she has repeatedly said this is for a meeting she is kind enough to host at her home. She has no need to provide any refreshments at all. It is because she has a kind and caring nature that she puts out coffee and cake.

Freya5

I would hate to be hostess and know my guests weren't catered for. Most people cater for family and friends and should know their likes,dislikes and dietary needs.

But she is not being a hostess, and these are not guests. She has been generous enough to allow them to hold a free regular meeting in a room in her home, and to then make coffee for those who want it, and has given them cake. That does not turn her into an unpaid short order cook who will produce whatever anyone requests at the drop of a hat.

If someone knows that they don't like her coffee, her ordinary milk, or her cake, it is very simple for them to bring whatever they do like - and even to offer to take a turn catering for the rest of the group.

At the next meeting, I think I would be completely out of tea, oat milk, and biscuits "because I never use them, so I don't keep any in".

and do I have fruit tea - the berries one for preference?

They could ask for a cup of hot water and provide their own fruit, preferably berry, tea bag!

Freya5

I would hate to be hostess and know my guests weren't catered for. Most people cater for family and friends and should know their likes,dislikes and dietary needs.

They are neither family nor friends . Does nobody RTFT?

Thanks maddie and Elegran

If you host a meeting at your house doesn' t that make you the hostess? I would either do it generously and cater for everyone's needs or I wouldn't volunteer to host it.