I hate funerals me

I rarely go to a funerals 12 years ago my Mum my dad and my two closest friends husbands all died that same year and apart from a cremation of a friends young lad who committed suicide about 6 years ago they are the only funerals I ve been to in 20 odd years
I would only go to a funeral if someone close to me
The Irish ones you talk about Farmor I think are almost insincere (and yes I have very personal experience) as everyone and his wife attends whether they knew the person or not
As you say they go for a chance to meet and chat with friends Where is the sincerity in that, I have an Irish friend who is like a funeral groupie I doubt there’s a week goes by without her going to a funeral it’s like a full time occupation

Yes Farmour15, I am also in Ireland. Funerals are usually held within 3 days unless waiting for someone to arrive from abroad etc. Following the actual funeral there will be refreshments on offer probably in a local hotel, pub, or in someone's home depending on the numbers expected which is pretty much a guess.

Last funeral I attended there were about 50 people gathered for refreshments in a local hotel. Soup and a roll, tea/coffee and shortbread were served. Memories were shared and as is often the case there was a party atmosphere as the life of the deceased was celebrated by friends and relatives who only get to meet up at funerals.

RosiesMaw

biglouis

For some a funeral is a last opportunity to say goodbye.

For me, a funeral is just a vulgar show for the world. Grieving is done in the heart, not in the garments.

Well that’s just plain silly - and may say more about you than of many others.
A funeral is an opportunity to say goodbye, to express condolences, to demonstrate love and support for the bereaved and show that they are not alone in their grief.
I was immensely comforted by friends and family who had come from all over the country for DH’s funeral. Also by people I did not personally know but with whom he had had contact over the years and who knew and respected him.
A full church helped us celebrate a life and the “garments” as you describe them were irrelevant.

That’s your view of funerals bigloius, one you’ve expressed before.
My husband’s funeral was very important to me, our adult children family, friends and more. Our village Church packed, the vicar a friend so very personal for a much loved man, who died too young.
It certainly wasn’t a vulgar show.
And for those who want horse drawn carriages. Last year I attended the funeral of a friend/foster mother to a number of ‘my children’ over many years.the oldest now 51, the youngest 11. She’d cared for 240 children over 40 years. She was a one off, pony in the back garden till she found a field. The children all helped care for it, they competed in local gymkhanas. Then there was always a German shepherd. I helped train and rehome her final dog who arrived as a 4 month old just before her diagnosis changed everything. The ‘children’ planned the funeral. It involved plumed horses, ‘our mum” spelled in wreaths and more. Another hugely important send off to a special woman

I have had to arrange two funerals and chose direct cremations, I would not criticise anyone that chose another type, it is very much a personal choice.

I haven't been to but a handful of funerals (our parents and grandparents, our sonIL). If grieving family wish to have a funeral - who am I to announce what I think of funerals?

I'm a private person, an introvert, and really wish people would keep their opinions on the choices of others to themselves.

I do hear the statement, but cant see anything wrong with it, personally.
I hear many more other things I dont like.

I think they help people say goodbye and get through things.
And act as a focus in the initial stages.

I have just come back from one[going to another tomorrow].
The church was packed.
It will give great comfort to her bereaved husband.

It does sound like you are in mourning Biscuitcruncher.
I am sorry for your loss.

I haven't heard that statement very much, if ever.
I have heard people say they didn't want a funeral themselves.

My DMiL planned her own funeral and paid in advance, down to what she wanted in the sandwiches and which nephew would be in charge of pouring the drinks!
I hope we did her proud. She was 98 . She'd have liked to make 100 but outlived the Queen.

Lots of people these days leave instructions for what they want.
It is an ordeal however close you are to the person.
I must admit the ones I've been to with a piece of uplifting music to walk out to are so much better than a dirge or the overused "My Way", with Frank Sinatra. That would have suited one of my close relations very well. We had "Thine be the glory", instead as they had chosen it themselves for someone else.

biglouis

For some a funeral is a last opportunity to say goodbye.

For me, a funeral is just a vulgar show for the world. Grieving is done in the heart, not in the garments.

Well that’s just plain silly - and may say more about you than of many others.
A funeral is an opportunity to say goodbye, to express condolences, to demonstrate love and support for the bereaved and show that they are not alone in their grief.
I was immensely comforted by friends and family who had come from all over the country for DH’s funeral. Also by people I did not personally know but with whom he had had contact over the years and who knew and respected him.
A full church helped us celebrate a life and the “garments” as you describe them were irrelevant.

I do find some funerals vulgar - those which use a horse-drawn hearse and where flowers are arranged to spell the deceased’s name/mum/brother etc, and where pop songs are played.

I’ll only hate my funeral

I completely disagree with the statement that a funeral is a vulgar show. I see it as a sad occasion and an opportunity to offer support to those who have been bereaved. I do dislike the elaborate catering arrangements which sometimes follow particularly when alcohol is served. I don’t find this appropriate but that’s just me.

biglouis what a ridiculous statement. Many people choose to have privare funerals with only close friends and family, other people have cultural backgrounds that make a funeral a big event.

I am old enough to have had a lot of people dear to me die and I find the funeral is like the closing of a door that says. 'It iss over'.

When someone dies suddenly, or when you may not have seen them for awhile it is difficult to believe that the death has happened. The funeral is that full stop that says 'It has happened, they are gone'

My sister died suddenly in her 40s, a dear friend died suddenly last year. In each case it was the funeral that made the death 'real'.

We all grieve in different ways. We should respect each other and never treat with disrespect other people's ways of grieving.

I’m sorry you have a funeral to attend, Biscuitmuncher.

I agree, it’s a silly comment, same as ‘I hate going to the dentist/I hate having injections’. Who does these things for pleasure?

I’ll be attending my oldest friend (primary school) mother’s funeral next week and have now realised that at 68 I’m the only one (of my circle of friends) left with a parent although I was the first to lose one as a child.

An elderly neighbour died before Christmas but it’s a private family funeral and another neighbour is on palliative care so another funeral will be on the horizon soon.

Whilst not looking forward to these things I am happy to pay my respects at these ceremonies and support those grieving💐

I actually like some funerals! I live in Ireland where funerals are big social occasions. Obviously there are some very sad funerals if it's a young person who has died, but if it's someone fairly old (whatever age that might be, but older than me) it's a celebration of their life and a chance to meet and chat with friends.
Where I live, there's a committee of women who organise tea and sandwiches in the parish hall, if the relatives want it. If someone local dies, and you even vaguely knew them or their relatives, you will go the funeral, which in Ireland is only 2 or 3 days after the death.

eddiecat78 exactly!

I feel the same when people say "I hate hospitals". Don't we all?

For some a funeral is a last opportunity to say goodbye.

For me, a funeral is just a vulgar show for the world. Grieving is done in the heart, not in the garments.

Agree. Insensitive comment.
Please accept my condolences Biscuitmuncher at this sad time.