Actual names?

I have adult children, many friends who are grandparents and my place is here

That's true GSM and when it comes to physical growth, not always in the direction we would like .

I think you’re quite a bit younger than most of us VS, more MN age, and often see and articulate things from a different perspective to the majority - such as suggesting that ‘personal growth is unachievable for some’. Many of us have done an awful lot of growing.

I am constantly surprised at how our age bracket can be, seen some awful things said on this forum to people honestly.. I expected better when I joined, more of an "older and wiser vibe" but perhaps personal growth is unachievable for some

There are some who take disagreeing with them as some sort of attack and get very personal... I don't really understand why

I would have thought it puts quite a lot of people off posting or staying here after a bad experience

Gransnet must stay anonymous.

Yes, anonymity is important. Now that I am retired and have not kept my name on the roll of solicitors, if you Google my name you will find nothing. That’s the way I want it to stay. When I was working you could find my professional details, specialisations and a photo. In the days before you could opt out of having your name and address on the electoral roll you could be found. Now, nothing - bliss.

No it would never work. Anonymity is important to most of us on here. I really would not want to know someone's real name or where they live.

Trouble is some of us will have rare and unusual names and live in small villages.
So it will never be an equal risk.

Ms Jones of London has it easy !

I think people would be much more reluctant to post if they knew that their name could be searched online and all their Gransnet posts would come up, so anybody could read anything they posted.
Most of us have good days and bad days, and if you’re the blunt type (like me), you do inadvertently offend people sometimes. I always apologise if I realise it’s happened. I do think some people are sensitive too, and take comments to heart when people don’t support their views - I think that what puts some posters off the site. You get to know who’s tricky, but it takes time and a few knocks to get to that point.
Mumsnet is 100 times more brutal though!

I think there is often some unnecessary unkindness here, but I also think people are often too sensitive.
As for anonymity, I think it gives you a safe place to vent, it would be a different place altogether if we all gave our real names.

There would still be exactly the same proportion of nasty posts. Those who are here to discuss and support would discuss and support, those who are here on an ego trip or to exercise their sharp tongues would post to do down other posters or to parade their supriority. The only difference would be that those who glory in conflict and conquest would know the real names of their victims and could search for them online to continue their assaults.

You only have to look on Facebook to see the result of using a real name. In fact, even on Gransnet, it is possible to put together clues from what someone has posted, and identify them. I am still horrified at how someone years ago identified a poster and where they were about to start a new job from their posts, and sent a letter to the new boss that could have wrecked the new career before it got going. Luckily he was sensible enough to show her it and then tear it up. Of course, the writer's name on the letter was not the same as their username on Gransnet.

Having looked back, OP, I see that your bruising encounter took place in January 2022 - two years ago.

I do wonder if anonymity simply exaggerates one's personality?
If so I am in big trouble as my posts are full of !!!!s and s

There is one regular poster on GN who I do not know personally but I know from her posts exactly where she lives. I'm sure if someone from your own area where you live could identify you on say Soops or the Good Morning thread where lots of information is given.

Yes I agree if posters had to give their own names perhaps they might think twice about being nasty, I don't go on GN much now I find a lot of the threads are of no interest to me.

Although in principle I agree with anonymity
I am sure the majority of folks are caring, understanding and offer genuine advice and support
However I do have concerns about the Schadenfreude principle. A German word which roughly translates The joy of another’s misfortune Or putting it more bluntly Get off on others problems.
Patiently awaiting the negative feed back

There is no excuse for rudeness ever. We do have the facility on GN to report and have the offending post removed. However the hurt has been done by then although plenty of posters will rush to be kind and reassure you. I suppose anonymity may make trolls feel free to make nasty remarks but it could deter others from posting so I think anonymous we have to be.

Sadly , there's a lot of nastiness on Gransnet and I often , though not always see that it's generated by the same members , who always have to have the last word .

I do think that as people age - illness , pain , depression and loneliness kicks in .
I find some of our church members really unpleasant , unfriendly and actually - aggressive .
Some are delightful and I really enjoy seeing them .

hollysteers

I like the anonymity, but I do think as people age, they get more irritable generally and they can take it out on other posters rather than turning on people they know.
Maybe it’s a good safety valve!

It's still hurtful though.

I remember the thread you started about lending computer equipment to an unknown person and being somewhat shocked that they didn’t give you a gift to thank you, and I was not surprised at some of the responses; a mix typical of GN. You have mentioned it since then - so obviously can’t let it go. There are strong comments on GN and I fear it may not be for you if you are very sensitive to and so easily upset by what people say. Many on here receive bruising comments but they generally pick themselves up and carry on. I fear that you may be rather stuck in the past, as the UK was when you left many years ago and of course things are very different now, including of course the advent of social media. In answer to your question, I doubt many people would post anything on here if they had to use their real name. Many posts are about personal difficulties. My identity is private, as is yours.

I like the anonymity, but I do think as people age, they get more irritable generally and they can take it out on other posters rather than turning on people they know.
Maybe it’s a good safety valve!

GN is a great place to offload worries or problems that you wouldn't want to burden family and friends with and anonymity is necessary for most of us to be able to do that.
I think it's important to post as though the person/people were sitting in front of us where hopefully we would be polite and have empathy.
There's no excuse for rudeness.

I understand what you are getting at, however the loss of anonymity may put off people from posting.
Some posters ( myself included) are able to offload their worries/sadness/anxiety without upsetting their family.
I certainly wouldn't want people (apart from my GN pals)I know reaing my posts.

If I had to give my real name and where I lived, I would never post anything.

I don’t think I ever post anything nasty, but it’s the anonymity on GN I like.

I have no desire to know who others are, or to meet up, it’s just a good way to communicate, give opinions, disagree maybe, but amicably and respectfully.

If anyone isn’t like that, I avoid their posts.