Gransnet forums

Chat

Charity donation for funeral

(60 Posts)
Littleannie Sat 13-Jan-24 19:01:37

My sister's husband died last week. They live a long way away, and due to ill health etc I have not seen them for 20 years. We keep in touch by phone, email, birthday cards etc. We will not be going to the funeral due to distance, and my husband's ill health. We will be watching the funeral via a video link, as will some other family members.
My sister does not want flowers, instead a donation to charity. I'm not sure how much I should send as it is years since we had a funeral so I am a bit out of touch. What do others think?

Cossy Tue 16-Jan-24 12:30:08

Last time I did funeral flowers, last year. They were between £50-£120

Gangan2 Tue 16-Jan-24 11:52:37

I honestly think give what you can afford. Funeral flowers are eye watering expensive so I don't think there is a comparison. Charities are really struggling these days so any amount would be appreciated.

Vintagegirl Tue 16-Jan-24 11:52:24

I had set of envelopes distributed with funeral service leaflet and there was a collection box at the door. The 'no flowers' was mentioned in the announcement. The undertaker gave me a total of what was collected. I do not recall the donation being acknowledged by the charity. Especially for a cremation, flowers are such a waste apart from some 'coffin toppers' from immediate family. I suggest you give what you might have spent on flowers or less if you did not wish to send flowers. Some flowers for the family a month later might be more appreciated? It is a tradition here to remember the deceased on the month following.

Ziplok Tue 16-Jan-24 11:48:45

Send whatever you can afford. We don’t know (or need to know) your financial situation. Charities are grateful for whatever they receive, however large or small.
Posters here are probably suggesting what they could afforded to donate, but we’re all different, with different circumstances.
If you would have sent flowers had they been asked for, then looking up a few florists on line would give you an idea of their cost so that you could send that equivalent instead if it’s within your budget.

4allweknow Tue 16-Jan-24 11:39:52

Would you have sent flowers? If so then something about the cost they would be. If flowers not considered then about £25.00 I think.

Kowl Tue 16-Jan-24 11:33:15

I won't donate to any charities that I don't approve of (and there are a lot of those). Flowers for my aunt's funeral recently cost us £200. I don't think it's the amount that matters and no-one else will know. If it's a charity that you think is worthwhile then give whatever you can afford. If it's just about 'show' then I wouldn't give anything, but would remember your sister's husband as he wanted to be remembered.

pen50 Tue 16-Jan-24 11:21:32

We never got a list of donors when my father died, just a letter from the charity and a total amount received. And I'm happy that way, it would have been awful to thank that X thought so little of dad that they'd only given a couple of quid! We also paid in the loose cash left in his property when he died.

Littleannie Sun 14-Jan-24 18:26:58

Thank you all for your help.

biglouis Sun 14-Jan-24 13:30:13

Your donation with be private so give what you can afford - or not.

This is why many people now go for direct type cremations. No fuss and flummery.

M0nica Sun 14-Jan-24 13:20:17

It depends on you and your finances, the relationship you had with the deceased. I saw the giving list for a friend and domations went from £5 to way over £100

flappergirl Sun 14-Jan-24 09:59:14

Usually for colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances I would give between £10 and £20. For a close family member I really would not give less than £50. Although of course it depends on your financial circumstances.

Littleannie Sun 14-Jan-24 09:34:49

Thank you all for your suggestions, they have been very helpful.

Bonnybanko Sun 14-Jan-24 08:35:41

Yes it is for you littleannie

Bonnybanko Sun 14-Jan-24 08:32:40

So sorry littleannie my recent post wantnt meant for you, this stroke business has my head all over the place 🙃

Bonnybanko Sun 14-Jan-24 08:29:21

littleannie I suggest you give what you can afford. My husbands funeral last February raised £1,000 which I gladly gave to the hospital he died in

Freya5 Sun 14-Jan-24 08:18:37

I do hope the charity selected is forth coming in their thanks. Or that they even receive the money.
Many years ago we asked for donations for the scoliosis society, 150 pounds raised. No acknowledgement from them whatsoever. Never again. Flowers only, and if donations requested, then sorry no.

Maggiemaybe Sat 13-Jan-24 23:12:15

If I’ve understood the Woodland Trust website correctly, Littleannie, you can dedicate a tree to someone’s memory for a suggested donation of £20 or more, and have a certificate to this effect sent to your sister, so that she knows you have donated, without it saying how much you have given. There is absolutely no need to give more than you are comfortable with, it’s the thought that goes into your donation that matters.

shop.woodlandtrust.org.uk/in-memory?_gl=1*19tcom0*_ga*MTMyMDI4NTYxNC4xNzA1MTg2NDYw*_ga_YYKVQEPV0X*MTcwNTE4NjQ2MC4xLjEuMTcwNTE4NzMwNC41Mi4wLjA.

Callistemon21 Sat 13-Jan-24 23:08:20

We've been to a lot of funerals of friends and people in societies we belong to in the past two years. Usually there is a donation box for charity donations on exit and we put in about £10.
However, for a family member would make a donation in their name to the charity direct of about £50.

It depends, of course what you can afford, it's the thought that counts. A tree is a lovely idea, LittleAnnie.

Romola Sat 13-Jan-24 22:42:24

I think it's best to send any donation to the charity direct, rather than via the undertaker. It will have a website with all contact details.

ChickenLicken Sat 13-Jan-24 21:10:49

When donations are sent via the funeral director, (they send on the cheques on to the charity after a given period, probably around a month after the funeral), in my recent experience there is a list of donors & the amounts donated. We wanted to send personal thank you notes to those who gave. If others chose to donate directly to the charity, then we wouldn’t know it unless they told us.

fancythat Sat 13-Jan-24 20:52:21

My first thought was £50, as it is your sister's husband.
But I have learnt that areas vary, families vary, finances vary.

Littleannie Sat 13-Jan-24 20:10:51

Thank you for your suggestions. My sister is a member of the Woodland Trust and would like a tree planted in his memory.

Georgesgran Sat 13-Jan-24 20:00:27

I agree with Marydoll. When DH died during Covid, we were ‘forced’ to list his charity on Just Giving - so people could donate, but remain anonymous if that’s what they wanted. Donations ranged from £10 to £1000 for a charity related to his illness.

ExDancer Sat 13-Jan-24 20:00:17

£50 would be too much for me - about £25 to £30 would be tops. The funeral directors may give the best advice and you needn't say who you are or what connection you have with the deceased.

Granniesunite Sat 13-Jan-24 19:55:10

Give what you can easily afford. It’s your donation and there’s no right or wrong amount.