What a lovely ending and how nice that you are humble enough to come back and say ‘that was helpful I ll do that’
Lovely ending and sounds a lovely gran
I just want to thank each and every one of you who responded to my question. I value all of your input and opinions and it has helped me tremendously. I will continue to text and send letters to my GD just letting her know I love her and support her decisons etc. but will "butt" out of trying to get her to discuss her "issues" unless she reaches out to me on that. I agree she does need to work things out herself and know we are there to support her. Thank you again so much everyone. You all are the best.
Send her a letter by all means but don't discuss what is wrong with her or what the cause might be. Make it a happy supportive message, perhaps remembering a time you spent together and how much you enjoyed being with her. Perhaps invite her to visit. She needs all your love and approval.
Let her initiate contact with you. Send a text telling her that if she wants to talk, she can call you any time and you're happy to lend a listening ear.
She is your granddaughter you don’t necessarily need to send a letter. Text her to let her know you will always be there as a listening ear and advice should she need it. Just letting her know she has a supportive gran is enough. She sounds sensible and she will decide whats best for her regarding education etc. Regarding her mental health at least she is seeing a medical professional she will be well advised. Your are a caring gran and your support is there should she require it in confidence.
I think some grandparents and parents are way too over involved nowadays in trying to make everything right Bella We can only make everything right for ourselves
The lock down is long long gone and can’t still be being blamed
Maybe she doesn’t want to go to uni college or whatever maybe she just wants a job and independance
Let her sort her own problems out apart from letting her know you’re always there for her
Our parents had to stand up and be counted at 18 whatever choice of further education or employment they had chosen most leaving school at 14. The choice was taken out of their hands and most coped.
Why do we feel we now have to protect our children and grandchildren well into what would been have considered adulthood? Why do our children need it? Have we been making the choices and guiding them for too long?
They know their own minds just like all the 18-year-olds.
I'm a believer in keeping out of things and letting them get on with what they want and find out by their mistakes.
Annie, you sound like a lovely caring gran. I'd write to her, probably not mentioning lock down as that may not have anything to do with her depression. But I would write and tell her how much I loved her, perhaps highlight a few things you remember fondly about her growing up. A letter is something she can keep and treasure.
annie you ask Main question, should I butt out and just be there if she decides she wants to discuss her problems,!
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my answer is yes she will sort herself out.. Do not ever suggest she may have adhd or talk of pandemic being a cause. in between her texting you she is probably doing alright, all you should do is tell her what a lovely young lady she is and you love her.
Cold it’s not really important what the academic route is in America the girl didn’t sound as if she was very enthusiastic about taking it
It sounds as if she asked someone (at school …who) if she had ADHD because she was a bit forgetful (a tenuous link) but they decided she was depressed ? Who decided she was depressed and put her on antidepressants ?
The girl is 19, an adult, she doesn’t need letters all she needs is a text telling her she is loved and that gran will be there if she ever needs support.
Let her sort her own route out but support fully if asked
So much pressure is put on young people to go onto higher education that it's no wonder many of them suffer from depression (not aimed specifically at the OP)
I remember arguing with my parents over my youngest brother who decided not to return to college but to continue with his summer job. My argument was that as long as he didn't get anyone pregnant (because of the responsibilities) then he could work out what he wanted to do later on.
I didn't know what I wanted to do at 18/19 apart from wanting to leave home and live in London which I did when I was 19. By chance I fell into accountancy when I was 23/24 and funnily enough I enjoyed it. I'm still doing it in my 70s. It helps to keep my brain active.
BlueBelle
No I wouldn’t send her a letter She’s 19 why not get a job and enjoy being a 19 year old I m guessing you're in US as here the kids go to UNI at 18
I would let her know that you ll always be there with a listening ear if she needs you but let her sort her future out for herself with support from friends and peers
She’s an adult let her do things her way knowing there’s support if needed… she’s a woman in her own right now and has to make her own choices.
OP's GD did go to Uni at 18. In the OP she writes that her Granddaughter attended Community College for a year which is a form of University.
The way University degrees are structured in the US is different from the UK. In the US the first couple of years are general education so everyone does English, maths, history, science etc before they choose a major or degree subject. You can go to one university for your whole degree (a 4 year college) but a cheaper option that many students choose is to take these general requirements at a local Community College that offer the first 2 years of college (plus vocational qualifications) and then transfer for your final 2 specialist years to the more expensive 4 year college.
A letter might be a little formal. Perhaps send her a message or text telling her that the most important thing is to get the medical care that she needs and that you support her in the decisions she makes.
I would stay out of trying to talk to her about how she is feeling and why. Does it matter why she has mental health struggles? She is diagnosed with clinical depression, seeing a psychiatrist and getting medication - so hopefully she will recover soon with the professional help she is getting. Until she is well she won't be able to make long term decisions.
No I wouldn’t send her a letter She’s 19 why not get a job and enjoy being a 19 year old I m guessing you're in US as here the kids go to UNI at 18
I would let her know that you ll always be there with a listening ear if she needs you but let her sort her future out for herself with support from friends and peers
She’s an adult let her do things her way knowing there’s support if needed… she’s a woman in her own right now and has to make her own choices.
Hello, my GD recently graduated high school this year, after two years spent at home due to the pandemic in 11th grade they were finally able to return to in-classroom. She certainly seemed happy enough, had a good friend etc. When she graduated she was and we were all set for her to go to community college and then transfer to a 4 year. She seemed ready and ok. Although she did tell me she had some anxiety as to how well she would do. I said, but you made the honor society and did well in high school to which she replied, anybody could have made honor society in our school. Also, let me add that although she did well in school always her mom had to really stay on her to make sure she was caught up etc. and she did not really seem to "enjoy" school but she did very well. Also she had mentioned to me that she thought she might look into having ADHD as she does forget a lot. We agreed she should do that if she started having trouble in school. Well about a month before the college semester ended, her mom said my GD had asked to see someone about getting diagnosed with ADHD, which was fine. Then apparently, they said she was not ADHD but she did seem depressed and put her on an antidepressent which would also supposedly help her concentration. To make a long story short, the next I hear from my GD is a text (I had asked how she was doing), saying she was not doing well to be honest, was going to take a break from school and look for a job and concentrate on driving and her hobbies and getting a job. Which is all fine. Here is my dilemma and I would appreciate your opinions. I text my GD my support, I think it is fine that she wants to take a break. The issue is I would like to send her a letter telling her she is not alone, and that in fact many of her peers who had to go through the pandemic and then deal with being "normal" again, were struggling and depressed as well, and tell her it is ok, and understandable, but on the other hand, I don't really know for sure if that is really what has her upset. Was the pandemic part of the reason she feels this way, ,or is that just what I think contributed to it. does she even feel like she is depressed or ADHD or both. You see she won't really confide in me. That is all she said in that text that she wanted to take a break from school she was not doing well. Her mother said she won't even tell her how she did in her classes. Also, we only text and facetime cause I live 200 miles away, I visit occasionally and she comes visit every summer)
Sorry, I guess my question is, should I send her the letter telling her I understand how the pandemic might have contributed to her issues, blah blah blah (if she doesn't even think that), and maybe make her feel even worse, or should I just stay completely out of her issues, other than just saying I love her, if you want to talk I am here, etc, text me anytime. (and let her Mom and Dad handle the issues) as well as letting my GD try and sort it out. She is seeing a psychiatrist and is taking the depression medicine. Main question, should I butt out and just be there if she decides she wants to discuss her problems, as I have told her she can anytime etc., or should I send the letter because I think that may be the issue and I want her to know I understand if that is why she is feeling that way, but if that is not the issue I may make her just think it is the issue and feel worse.
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