Am I being selfish?

I can't see why you cannot have a direct cremation, then some sort of remembrance ceremony happen in lieu of a funeral when the ashes are interred or scattered.

I don't think it's being selfish as you just want to take the pressure from your daughter when the time comes and if that's how you want it then that's your right. I have paid for my funeral because I don't want my family to have that financial burden when the time comes.

I prefer a direct cremation and have arranged two when it was up to me to make funeral arrangements.

I do think though that it is up to the friends or family of the deceased to have what they want, they will be there you will not.

It is a good idea to have the conversation though and put money aside if you can.

Yes. This may be what you would have liked to do when your mum died.

I would have found it unbelievably difficult if that was what my mum had insisted on! Her funeral was deeply cathartic and healing.

Have you asked your daughter what she thinks would help her when you have died?

If you were planning this to make things better for her I don’t think that’s selfish. Now she has told you how she feels, if you still want to do things to help her I would discuss other arrangements with her that would please you both.