Kids

I would carry on as you are doing for the next few years. The son will be an adult by then and if you still feel the same about each other have another conversation about moving in together in England?

Mitzigem

The bit where his ex snaps her fingers and he goes running would put me off .

This is a big red flag!

Plus the fact you have only seen each other every other weekend for a year. Not long and often enough to form a stable relationship where you could even think of moving!

In your position I would just rent out or close up my property for 6 months , move in with him and see how it goes.

I saw the same post on mumsnet, lots of warnings not to up sticks, a year is too soon. Leaving your own flesh and blood for a `so called` soulmate, a recipe for disaster. You need to listen to your gut-feeling, it is talking to you but you don`t want to listen and would rather ask strangers

The bit where his ex snaps her fingers and he goes running would put me off .

It sounds like there is a large age gap between you, he has a son half the age of your children! I presume he has care of his son at least part time, if not, why not? Do you want to get involved with step parenting a teenager? He must still be co parenting with his ex so that’s another difficulty. I presume this is why you need to move to Ireland as he is still tied down to his son.

Go for a long holiday to see if you can cope with being with him for longer time periods and how you get on with his son and ex.

We have been together a year seeing each other every 2 weeks , he has a son of 14 who lives with him , my girls
Have grown up and have their own children who I love dearly , I know he adores me , but , and here’s the but , he goes running when his ex clicks her fingers , I’m not on board with that call me selfish but that’s just
Me

Another question, how does living in Ireland compare with living in England.

I have so many questions that I’m scarcely in a position to offer advice. I think the first question I have is what are his ties to Ireland and are they more important than your ties to England (if that’s where you are)? Secondly, how has your relationship progressed whilst you’ve been in different countries? Do you really know each other enough to leave your life to join his? Is he wanting to have a relationship with your children? Have you seen him when he’s been grouchy, unwell, unkempt? Do you know what his relationships with his own family are like? Has he been married before? Etc. etc.

In your shoes I would hesitate to make such an enormous decision without a great deal of thought, so I can understand why you’re seeking advice.

Bluebelle possibly I didn't have the time and money to go back and forward as much as you when the older ones were young. (All in their 20s now)
However I've been able to with the younger ones. But they rarely say hello when mum rings, just aren't interested. And don't seem at ease with me. You seem to have made a much better job of being a nan. Maybe I'm just not very good at it. I do think it would be easier for me if they lived close.

Sorry but I do not believe in finding a soulmate. What a load of tripe. Why can’t he come and live with you? You would be leaving a lot behind when you have only known this person for such a short time. Stay put and see what he does. Hugs to you.

I wouldn't go anywhere after a year, but at the same time, it's quite reasonable to seek a life away from adult children, whether that's in physical distance or just having time to do what you want at last.

I'd say lots of visits, and some holidays away, so you can be as sure as sure that this is "it".

Put your family first before any man.

I’m in agreement with those who have said a year relationship isn’t long. Especially as you’re living in different countries and haven’t been together full time. It’s a big decision to make based on something which may still be in holiday romance mode.

If it was me I certainly wouldn’t be moving away from my children and grandchildren because of a new partner.

Surely there’s a compromise? I know Ireland isn’t a million miles away but please please think about YOU and your own relationships and friends and life.

Good luck

Carla, I know you've devoted your life to your children (which almost any mother would do) and you've waited a long time to find love again. I really do understand your excitement but you must protect your own interests.

A year is not long enough to know someone properly. I don't really need to tell you that do I. If this was one of your daughters you would urge them to proceed with caution wouldn't you.

You haven't given much context in your post but do you own a home in England, will you be selling it to jointly buy a property in Ireland? What is this man's position. Does he own a home, have a job?

I don't think that women should put their lives on hold for their grandchildren. What I'm concerned about is your own future welfare and financial security.

Hang on in there with your family. He will have to be "the one" from a distance for the time being. Moving after only one year would not be wise - distancing yourself from your family for him would not be wise at this early stage.

I wouldn’t move yet, if at all. Can he not move to where you are?

Is there no possibility of him moving here to you? Is the request by him some sort of test of your devotion?
A partner in another country doesn't sound very close to me.
Good luck with your decision.

I’m another who sees a year as not long enough to make such a big decision. Especially as you live in different countries now, so the amount of ‘ordinary’ time together must have been restricted.

I agree with the majority of what others have said a year is a very short time
With one provisor If it had been your daughter and kids deciding to move for whatever reason would you move with them

nataturbe I have grandchildren in NZ and they have not been able to be as close (they also. have a nan and granddad round the corner from them) They are adults now and I have a talking (now and then) relationship but never looked after them or babysat or read them stories or any Nan things… but I didn’t find Ireland that much of a problem I could get there in a day and although I didn’t see as much of them as the ones that live nearby we have been pretty close. I would babysit, go to Christmas plays and then as they got to school age plus they would come for solo holidays They are all grown up now but still chat regularly on messenger or whatsap and keep me in the loop Without me asking I get a ‘hey Nan are you ok ?’ quite regularly

I think the shortness of the relationship is the biggest problem
I married after a year to ‘definitely the right one’ !!!
He wasn’t !! Stay with him longer before making big decisions
coolgran is right have some trips, he with you, you with him and GIVE it time a year is nothing

By the way I too was a single mum with no involvement from the father I didn’t move from my children they were the ones to move away when they reached adulthood and wanted adventure all of my seven grandkids were born overseas so yes it took effort but it is definitely doable with Ireland just takes more effort than down the road

Some grans live in the same town but don’t see their grandkids it’s not always the distance

It's a bit soon to move. I would do as Coolgran65 suggested for now.
You don't know what the future holds for your girls and gc. They might want to move at some stage.
Ireland isn't so far away. However I think Bluebelle is very lucky. I'm in Ireland, my gc are in England. I've done my best to keep in touch but the relationship with my gc is practically nonexistent. It's difficult to have a close relationship when they don't live close and see you regularly.

I brought up my children on my own their father was only interested in his life. I remarried but only under my terms that my children come first. It has worked very well my DH is the dad and granddad much loved and so proud of his family.

We could have moved we had a second home but the family came first. You have children for life which is far more important than a relationship that’s only a year old.

Too soon. Visit for a month now and again might be an idea but I wouldn't move.