Going back to work

I had a look back at some of your posts Biscuitmuncher. In 2021 you said your children were in their early 20s and your son had his own house. So I don’t really understand what keeps you at home now.

You have been doing the hardest and most rewarding job on the planet, raising your children, keeping your house and supporting your husband

100% agree.

Although I have never been a SAHM (no children) I have always shied away from family life and all that implies. Housework (which I loath) and home admin are bloody hard and thankless work. They are not going to suddenly disappear if OP does get herself a job. So chances are she is still going to be doing her "share" in the home -whatever that is.

I dislike the suggestion that someone approaching 60 is some kind of parasite for not having an employed job in the economy. There are many other ways of contributing to the community.

To be frank many people of this age range are looking to coast gently towards retirement. Going out to search for a job at this life stage is very daunting.

I would start with the idea of a few hours a week or volunteering for the OP to regain her confidence and get used to the grind (because that’s what it is) of going out to work again.

If you are still “looking after” your children that are in their 20s they will not be prepared for independence, even if they live with you they should be looking after themselves, cooking, washing,cleaning etc.

Each to their own of course but havent you ever wanted to be more than a homemaker? I cannot imagine being fulfilled with staying at home and not being financially independant.

Have you asked your husband why it is that now he feels you should work?

I'm a bit disgusted at some of the critical comments aimed at the OP. If the domestic arrangements worked for her family that is absolutely fine, and some men do still take pride in being the sole breadwinner and appreciate their stay-at-home wife

It would be helpful if OP explained why her husband is suddenly making comments about her going back to work. He must have his reasons and they may not be selfish, hence my previous posts about the pension situation.

Times have changed, and although your husband was happy for you to remain at home whilst your children were younger, as he comes up to retirement he may well be worried that his pension and savings will not afford you the lifestyle you are both used to, with some justification given inflation.
There doesn’t seem to be a reason why you are unable to work other than your confidence, so I’d be inclined to bite the bullet and see a back to work advisor at your local job centre as a starting point. They will help you to transition back into a role you are comfortable with, and will provide you with support.

Some excellent positive informative replies today.

Eddiecat78 not a helpful post at all. OP is asking for help not confirmation that by doing nothing all will be well.

It may have been in the 1950s, but she needs to look at her situation and his finanacial situation. Following the good advice today she may gain confidence and have a more fulfilled time over the next 20 years when her AC will have probably left home and her nest will be well and truly empty.

I do hope they jointly own the house etc etc. Sixty is not old. All sorts of things can turn marriages upside down at this age as we read frequently on this site. And the main question here is why has her DH suddenly changed tack. She must talk tomhim and find out. And enlist his help.....if offered.

I know I'm now speaking for The OP but she has said that going back to work feels like a punishment.

I would think that too if I'd been at home for 20 years.
If her son was 20 in 2021 it's not that long since he was at school/college. Say 5 or 6 years...
When I was younger lots of women stayed at home if the family could afford it until the children had finished school at least.
Now of course people tend to go to work with younger children but in more traditional families I expect there are still plenty of mums still at home with A level children.

As you had your children in your mid 30s Biscuitmuncher and are not yet 60 you will have some pension from when you worked. I would look seriously at things that really interest you and try to think of things to build around that.

Only you know.
If you are someone who sews or does flower arrangements for example these may be skills you can professionalise?
I'd definitely look at things I loved.
Otherwise there may be jobs at your local council for example or at University or Colleges nearby.

But don't rule out doing courses... the government maintains they want us all back in work... 🤞 for you.

Good luck. 💐

biglouis

*You have been doing the hardest and most rewarding job on the planet, raising your children, keeping your house and supporting your husband*

100% agree.

Although I have never been a SAHM (no children) I have always shied away from family life and all that implies. Housework (which I loath) and home admin are bloody hard and thankless work. They are not going to suddenly disappear if OP does get herself a job. So chances are she is still going to be doing her "share" in the home -whatever that is.

I dislike the suggestion that someone approaching 60 is some kind of parasite for not having an employed job in the economy. There are many other ways of contributing to the community.

To be frank many people of this age range are looking to coast gently towards retirement. Going out to search for a job at this life stage is very daunting.

I would start with the idea of a few hours a week or volunteering for the OP to regain her confidence and get used to the grind (because that’s what it is) of going out to work again.

Agreed.

I'm never sure why so many people want others to think and do just as they do/did. Life doesn't work that way. Some people and their spouses are content on one wage/one at home life style.

Seems to me OP needs to suss out husband's reasoning.

Seems to me OP needs to suss out husband's reasoning.

Agreed. Things always seem more reasonable if you understand them.

I'm 1950s born. I found it very tiring working in my late 50s/early 60s waiting for my pension, and I'd been practising for decades.
So two things. As you're not desperate, do not take a job where you're on your feet all day, start stupidly early etc. Secondly divide all the household jobs into 2 equal lists - he's used to you doing everything in the house - and stick to it. Practise now, so he knows what it'll be like.
Good luck biscuitmuncher

Apologies biscuitmuncher. I've just realised the kids are still at home. Definitely sort out those household lists equally between all, now.

If you feel confident enough with your admin skills then look at local council roles and AA roles locally in Civil Service. They are great with older people, alternatively look for small local companies looking for part timers. Good luck, it does seem a bit odd to many of us that you have no recent paid work history, but if this is what you want to do, then go for it!

Cossy I've just never needed to before, and I've been happy at home. When I worked before having children I found it a miserable thing to do

Oh dear, what was your job?

OP you asked for advice but you are not answering the question. Do you have a state pension in your own right, from the years you worked, and also when you were home with the children?
Also do you expect to be financially dependant on your husband when you are older. If that's the case I agree with him you should get a job for your own benefit and his as well.
I don't think your husband has helped, as he seemed to dissuade you from taking positions when the children were younger.
At your age you can still do something. You seem to like your life style, but you do need to look at doing something to contribute, for your own financial benefit and to help with the household income.

I found it a miserable thing to do . But you’re happy for your husband to work?

Are you planning to sit down and really talk to your Dh? That is the 1st step. I don't think anyone can offer more advice than has been offered already before you get to the bottom of his change of tack.
And also working doesn't have to be miserable if you put plenty of thought into what you can and want to do.
What do your AC children think? Or are they happy for you to continue doing everything for them...if that is what you do??

Germanshepherdsmum somehow for some reason I seem to p**s you off, he was always happy for me to be at home

OP the first thing you need to do is ask your DH why he wants you to return to work . Is it financially worries ? Is he concerned about finances when he retires? Or is he concerned about how you will cope if he’s not around .
Personally I find it strange he wants you to return to work now when you’re 6 years from your SP.
Also I’m sorry to be blunt but if you’ve no qualifications or work experience , you’re going to be on a low income , which is only going to make a small dent in the household income . Plus what sort of work is he thinking of ? P/t f/t , evenings , weekends. Care homes and supermarkets are always keen on older workers , but that may mean evenings or weekends.
Your local library may have info on CV s and back to work advice.
I’m sad you think working for a living is miserable. I’ve always worked and most of the time , loved my job. I still do holiday cover for my place of work.
My daughter has frequently told me that I’ve been an inspiration to her , juggling work , home and family .
What do your AC think of you returning to work ?

Tenko my children aren't impressed about me having to go back after all this time, they've loved me being at home

He was happy for you to be at home when your children were younger. Now he’s probably concerned about the future. You haven’t said how old he is and you seem totally content to be entirely financially dependent on him and don’t appear to be considering what income there will be when he retires. You have no idea what pension you will be entitled to despite several posters, me included, having urged you to go online and get a pension forecast. Or do you expect your husband to work until he drops so you can continue staying at home?

Yes, you’ve sussed out my reaction to your attitude. I find it incredibly selfish. I bet your husband would like to swap places with you.

I think this is a bit of a wind up. And unless Biscuitmuncher spends all day munching biscuits and is eating the husband out of house and home and doesn't care, I don't think she will actually take any advice.

She is not known for taking advice - an anti-vaxxer who wouldn’t wear a mask.

HelterSkelter1

That reminded me I have an unopened box of Walkers Border Biscuits!