Going back to work

Nor me, Callistemon21 - but perhaps other people feel odd about it.

Has Biscuitmuncher replied at all in this thread to put us all out of our misery? Why start a thread and not at least acknowledge the advice she has been given even if it's not what she wants and then just say you are bowing out.

I am hoping she is too deep in conversation with her DH to have time to reply. Or too busy brushing up her CV and googling. Or seeing a solicitor or ringing for a pension forecast.

Callistemon21

I don't understand the asking for money

If you have a joint bank account surely you both know what is in it and whether or not it's reasonable to draw money or buy something?

One day I was out with a friend, when she needed to use the ATM. Before taking money out, she phoned her husband to ask which account, she could take money from. She gad no idea about their finances, despite contributing financially.
I found that very strange.

Do you WANT to go back to work? Sounds like your DH wanted you at home when it suited HIM…

Tinsoldier Very helpful advice. Many years ago when I returned to work I worked for a hospital clerical bank. I was taught many skills and my hours were to suit me.

German shepherd mum, I find some of the comments unnecessarily rude, her husband wanted her to stay at home and tbh I think mums who look after their children rather than go out to work are not given enough credit . As for being worried I get that, I worked until I was 68 and left when we came out of Covid due to complete exhaustion (I was working in the medical industry) but after 6 months I started looking for a little job and I found all my confidence had gone 😪 2 years on I couldn’t imagine working now. I think Biscuitmuncher should do what she wants

Try volunteering. People think of volunteering as working in a charity shop but there are so many options open to you. It can be an excellent route back into employment. Wishing you all the best.

I will not be surprised if BiscuitMuncher’s husband has some debt since his financial situation is no different than that of a single mother or single father, with only one income coming in.

Her comment that she does not want to work because work makes her miserable is really taking the biscuit.

When I was working, I worked long hours, set off at 7am and returned home nearly 7pm, and no matter how exhausted and miserable I was, I just get on with it.

By right, once the children get to primary school, her husband should be the one paying her NI contributions for state pension, not other working people especially working women who had to juggle work and home.

Doodledog touched on this in one of the state pension threads and I agree with her.

At least with my overseas pension, I am not paying for someone else who want an easy life ie., can work but refuse to work.

I looked into a part time job in a supermarket as an additional income at the age of 65 as I had previous retail experience a number of years ago. Although I am computer literate, due to Health & Safety concerns the amount of training sessions I had to do on line were overwhelming hence why I didn't take up the position. Should I ever consider shop work again it would be in a smaller place where this wasn't the case.

You will be lucky to get a job
I’m 66 and retired and have been trying for 6 months to go back to work
Apply for everything suitable and rarely get a reply… I think we live in a ageist society sadly they clearly think I’m too old to employ

I haven't entered this fray as I felt that I have nothing to offer, but I did scroll through it today, and felt compelled to respond to lizzypopbottle's post in February.
I would be unhappy if any former working mums were dismayed by her views. Hers is not the definitive take on the debate. I have a more nuanced take on this and am as well qualified and experienced as lizzypopbottle in the field, including a period as a university lecturer in education.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

B&Q are a big employer of older people. He may change his mind when you tell him he is now responsible for half of all housework or cooking. You don't work and do everything else as well.
There is also divorce. You get half of everything including his pension.
Not suggesting you get divorced but those are the options.
My grandmother had a very successful self employed career from her 60s to her 80s making lovely rush work baskets and seating chairs which she sold at Harrods.
She learnt the trade from an elderly gentleman in her village and she was often in the papers with her work.

A friend of mine trained with me to be a podiatrist in her 60s and is now 80 and still running a very successful business from home earning on average 5k a month.
She is south African and not eligible for an NHS pension so has had to work to support herself. You can do basic nail cutting and foot care without a degree too with some basic training. There is a huge demand for this service.

I know it’s not quite the same, but when my now adult son was 17 and had just left college he obviously had no work experience, which was held against him. He got over this by working in a charity shop and gained valuable experience this way. This then led to paid employment. I also took him to work with me one day a week and he got a reference. He has always worked since and is now 32. If you are worried about computer skills these are readily available through courses. Good luck!

Biscuitmuncher

I've been lucky enough to be a stay at home mum, I had my children quite late, mid thirties. Now I'm approaching sixty and DH is making comments about me going back to work. We are financially OK, and I've few skills, I worked in a shop. I'm pretty nervous about this. Every job near me is either warehouse work or delivery. Has anyone got any advice for me

What sort of advice are/were you looking for, OP? Suggestions of jobs you could apply for? Ways to feel less nervous? Support against your husband?

I agree with GSM that it is unreasonable to expect him to continue as sole breadwinner while you stay at home. Everyone looks after their house - and the children if they have them - and yes, it is an important and difficult job, but most people do it whilst also working and paying tax. Looking after your own family is not going to count towards your pension (and nor should it) and at your age you won’t be able to rely on a widow’s pension if you outlive your husband, so it is important that you plug any gaps there before it is too late.

When you say your husband is ‘making noises’, what do you mean? Has he threatened to cut off your spending money or just commented that you could afford to do xyz as a couple if you had a job? There is a big difference between those extremes.

Is your relationship one where he always calls the shots, and what he ‘is happy with’ goes? If so, why is that? Because he is a man, because he is the breadwinner, because he has a dominant personality, or something else? Regardless, don’t you think it might make sense to have some independence so that you get a say too? At least that would give you the option to take it or leave it, which doesn’t appear to be an option open to you now.

Alternatively, if that dynamic suits you, then obviously you should do as he says as head of the household and start contributing to the family coffers. Either way, it seems that he is no longer happy to work in older age whilst you don’t. That seems fair enough to me - you should both have a say in how things go, not just you.

Having said that, if you start working the housework should be shared between all who live there. You do have some negotiating room there, and in your shoes I would make that clear at the start. I assume that adult children are contributing financially? You could divert some of their contributions to paying a cleaner if nobody is willing to step up and do their own dirty work.

What would your fantasy job be? That’s often a good place to start, as even if it’s not going to be possible you can look at why it appeals to you and see if you could get some of those rewards in a different role. If you’d love to be a film star you might find work as an extra - that’s the sort of lateral thinking I mean. What do you enjoy doing with your time? If you’ve enjoyed raising children could you work in a nursery, or as a teaching assistant? You could start up a babysitting business if you get police checked. Or if your skills lie in housekeeping you might find work in that area.

This thread is a few months old now.
I would love to hear from Biscuitmuncher.
I often wonder if she is working, doing some access courses or still kicking the can down the road.

Reported

Sago

This thread is a few months old now.
I would love to hear from Biscuitmuncher.
I often wonder if she is working, doing some access courses or still kicking the can down the road.

Just to establish that I didn't report your post, Sago

There was one which appeared today advertising courses in the USA but the whole thing has disappeared.

I often wonder too when I see her name pop up on other threads about other things...not about going back to work. Lots of good advice which maybe has helped other GNs in similar situations.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This thread is almost a year old. Where has this year gone!!

Don't know if this is your thing but koru kids are always looking for mature women to do after school/ wraparound care.

What is a koru kid please?

I’ve reported the previous post to yours Allira as KK is a London Agency for Nannies.