Going back to work

Tenko

Germanshepherdsmum

Thank you Tenko. I can’t comprehend it either, totally alien to me. My mother also went back to work when I went to high school. She was born in 1920. And my grandmother, born in early 1890s, worked with my grandfather as an assistant in the Post Office he ran. I have never had to ask a man for money for anything, and never will.

I never have either .

Oh, I'm always asking DH for change for parking.😁

Yes, lizzypopbottle but all the examples in your rant are about very young children.

Why do you think that NIC credits for SAHMs stop when a child reaches 12? Could it be because the government expects that once children are at secondary school, there are ample hours in the day for women to work at least part time and earn enough to pay NIC towards their own state pension?

I don’t know what is going in the OP’s family but what I will say is that women need to think very hard about their own future financial resiliance both with a partner or without. We never know what is around the corner.

It isn’t our business what arrangements OP and her husband have but something is triggering his request for her to find paid work.

Many people realise rather late that their post-retirement income isn’t going to be enough to manage on without a struggle.

Retirement Living Standards estimate that for minimum, moderate or comfortable lifestyles, a single person would need £14,400, £31,300 or £43,100 respectively. A couple would need £22,400, £43,100 or £59,000. More details here:

www.retirementlivingstandards.org.uk/

Note that these are not gross income figures. They are numbers for some costs and can only reflect general styles of living. Some people will live frugally, others more extravagantly.

Furthermore, in 2022, research by the Financial Conduct Authority suggested that around 30% of people in the UK have no savings at all. One in three people have less than £1,000 put away, and another 18% have less than £5,000. Overall, one in four (12.9 million) adults in the UK had low financial resilience.

blog.moneyfarm.com/en/investing-101/average-savings-by-age-in-the-uk-how-much-should-you-be-saving/

In 2019, Age UK reported that millions of pensioners were only one unexpected bill of £200 away from financial disaster. I doubt the situation has improved:

www.ageuk.org.uk/latest-press/articles/2019/april2/nearly-a-million-older-people-just-one-big-bill-away-from-financial-disaster-as-new-report-shows-reality-of-trying-to-meet-the-extra-costs-of-ageing-on-a-low-income/

Callistemon - we did these things as we were young and fit.
It was always important to me to be ina loving supportive partnership/marriage. I knew so many older women abandoned and replaced by younger models -
I didn’t want to be financially dependent, I realised I’d need my own pension if anything happened. I’m unexpectedly a widow so thank goodness I’m not left with 50 percent of my husbands work pension to live on

One of DH's pensions only pays one-third to a widow.
If there were dependent children, then two-thirds would be paid.

Why do you think that NIC credits for SAHMs stop when a child reaches 12?

From 1978 until ? NIC credits were paid whilst the child/ren were in full-time education, up to age 19.

I needed to go back to education and work when youngest started school for my own sanity!!

You would probably manage to do support work - not particularly well paid, but very interesting. You would probably have training on the job, but normally be be doing shift work

From what I have read you can only claim NI credits whilst claiming child benefit for a child under 12 Callistemon. I guess the idea is that you should then be free to return to paid work.

Why do you think that NIC credits for SAHMs stop when a child reaches 12? Could it be because the government expects that once children are at secondary school, there are ample hours in the day for women to work at least part time and earn enough to pay NIC towards their own state pension?

That doesn't mean the Government are right and plenty of women truly believe their children are better off by being there for them during their teenage years. I know that was the time when I needed to ensure I was definitely keeping a firm eye on them. With older children, they are often being offered all sorts of opportunities of which you might not want them to partake! The Government make up their mind about these things taking into account the workforce needs not necessarily what is best for children.

So much snapping on this thread and tthere is an elephant still in the room.

Why has her DH changed tack? Is he ill? Is he facing bankruptcy? Are the AC leaving home unbeknownst to the OP?
Is the OP boring? Does he fear the financial future?

And there are more possibilities. OP needs to find out why before she starts stacking shelves or walking dogs or doing an OU degree etc etc.
Being a SAHM has no doubt been lovely for her, but those little ones are now AC. And she is ONLY approaching 60 not 80.
I wish she would come back and say they have had the conversation.

It wasn't like that until 2010, I think you received NI credits for children up to the age of 16 (not 19 as I stated previously).

However, not applicable to me as I'd gone back to work by then anyway.

If you work part time you can be at home when your children return from school, or be available to collect them from after school activities. Why does anyone need to be at home while their children are at school or college or, in the case of the OP’s children in their 20s, at work? I believe that seeing both your parents work helps to instil a good work ethic and an understanding of joint responsibility for finances.

Callistemon21

^Why do you think that NIC credits for SAHMs stop when a child reaches 12?^

From 1978 until ? NIC credits were paid whilst the child/ren were in full-time education, up to age 19.

I needed to go back to education and work when youngest started school for my own sanity!!

Yes, indeed but the rules changed in 2010.

OP says she is approaching 60 and started her family in her mid thirties - say in 2000. Her children would have reached the age of 12 after the change in the rules:

1978/79 to 2009/10 – Home Responsibilities Protection

From 1978/79 to 2009/10, protection for parents was provided by a system known as ‘Home Responsibilities Protection’ (HRP). To qualify for a year of HRP from 1978/79 onwards you had to be:

Receiving Child Benefit (with the payment in your name not that of a spouse or partner); AND

Have a child under the age of 16 for the whole financial year (meaning that the year in which the child turned 16 did not count); AND

Not be paying (or eligible to pay) the reduced ‘married woman’s stamp’;

If you can say yes to all of these questions for any year from 1978/79 to 2009/10, you should qualify for HRP for that year.

2010/11 onwards – National Insurance credits

In April 2010, a change was made to the way in which time at home with children counted towards your state pension.

Instead of reducing the target number of years for a full pension, each year at home with children would now simply count in full towards your state pension, just as if you had been in paid work. (Years of HRP from before 2010 were converted into full National Insurance credits for those who had not yet reached pension age).

Two other changes were made in 2010:

Credits for time at home with children would now only be available for children under 12;

The number of years for a full state pension was reduced from 44 for a man or 39 for a woman to 30; this was increased to 35 years in 2016;

www.lcp.com/mothers-missing-millions

Yes, indeed but the rules changed in 2010.
Yes, I did know it changed in 2010, but it is all extremely complicated, and they do keep changing the rules.

Without dates, we don't know Biscuitmuncher's situation situation.

I need a Highlander biscuit

We don't know why Biscuitmuncher's husband wants her to work.
She was expecting not to have to find a job.
Frankly if I'd been at home for 20 years quite happily I'd want to know what he thought had changed!

Perhaps he has realised that they will no longer ‘financially ok’ when he retires, or if something should happen to him. Approaching retirement focuses the mind but I think Biscuitmuncher has her head firmly stuck in the sand. So much advice given to her about checking her pension situation, but no response. Her husband can’t continue to work forever, and he probably hasn’t had much chance to accumulate savings if he’s been the sole breadwinner all these years.

*no longer be

It may be daunting but you may be surprised how much your self esteem and confidence may improve if you can find paid employment and contribute and build up your own pension in your own right. You can pay back contributions for missing years if you want an improved state pension.

I think you also need to find out accurately
what your retirement income as a couple will be and what your outgoings actually are. Inflation has increased outgoings dramatically in last 2 years and the essentials don't get lower in retirement . Do you know what widows pension you might received if your husband dies. My mother had a shock when she only got 50% of my dad's occupational pension as the outgoings were more or less the same other than food.

You may not be aware that it's very likely if you were to divorce you'd both be expected to work to state pension age if you are fit and well enough, even after DH pension split is taken into account. If he has a large occupational pension and decent investment portfolio leave you may be ok. Best find out while there time to do something about it if not.

Granmarderby10

Biscuitmuncher how about volunteering for a charity shop even if it is just one day a week. They train you on their tills etc and you will soon be in the swing of it again.
Then apply for the some paid jobs perhaps in retail settings that appeal.
I have found the bigger chains more inclusive with a wide variety of age groups from 16 up all learning together.
Don’t be afraid, you can do this and you might find you like it😉

This is a very good suggestion, there are so many opportunities you can do voluntarily for a few months, they might even offer you a paid job if you settle down well, like it and they like you. Join one or two groups too to get your confidence back. I would imagine your husband is thinking about his retirement too, and might realise you would be stuck at home together 24/7 with no outside interests, if that is the case, it is in my opinion really nice to have a separate outside life too, gives you more to share and talk about. I can understand how scary that all sounds, but surely you can only clean and cook so much!! What sort of interests do you have, could you transfer those to a job? Good luck with finding your new challenge.

Lesley60

I’m not being nasty but if you didn’t want to go out to work when your children were old enough why would you want to go now.
I wouldn’t let my husband pressure me, I would tell him I’m retired now, we don’t have the same energy as we did when we were younger.

OP may not have a choice it may be necessary for her to go back to work,. What we ideally want to do is sadly not always possible. I fully agree with GMS posts, I do not think she has been rude once. OP appears to live in world of her own IMHO prepared to look after adult children for the rest of her life, no wonder the children are not impressed at Mum having been asked to go back to work, it suits them having everything done for them.

lizzypopbottle

*Warning! Rant follows!*

I'd just like to say that bringing up a family is definitely WORK! It's unpaid and disregarded but it's still work. Nannies and childminders do similar work and get paid. We should, perhaps, stop describing full time mothers as not working. "What? You haven't worked/had a job since your first child was born?" Shock, horror! Research proves that children get a head start in life when brought up at home by a full time parent (or, of course, another close family member.) When you think of the hours some little ones put in from a tender age i.e. breakfast club, school day, after school clubs, child minder, finally home to sit in front of a screen while an exhausted parent cooks, cleans, washes clothes, irons etc. No wonder there are so many behaviour issues in school these days and many children start school unable to string a coherent sentence together! No one has time to give them undivided attention. Screens don't foster conversation and neither do big groups of children with one or two adults.

(Don't argue with me! I taught pre-school, early years and Key Stage 1 so I have some insight!)

*Rant over!*

Yes correct and most of us do that as well as work because we HAVE to

Marydoll

jobieP

Germanshepherdsmum

I would have loved to have stayed at home for a while but it wasn’t possible - my first husband was not a provider and he left when our son was seven, leaving me with only what I earned and dodging the Child Support Agency whenever possible. You have been tremendously lucky, Biscuitmuncher, and you need to tell your husband you recognise that, as I hope you do, and have an honest talk with him about finances and the future.

Aah, so that's why you have been sounding bitter today, GSM.

You seem to have taken over Hithere's role. Or was it Hitherto?

Nasty comment, jobieP.

horrible in fact

I think it could be fun. A friend of mine worked as a delivery driver for a florist and loved it. Another worked part time at a garden centre because she was bored after taking early retirement. Good luck!

At the risk of repeating the obvious - most of us combined work with being mothers. I’ve been a single parent then remarried and had more children. I always worked. My adult daughters combine running their business with being mothers and wives.
Ir isn’t 1951

I’m in the exact opposite situation I’ve worked constantly since 16 and even with four kids I’m now almost 65 due my state pension in14 months and my husband wants me to retire now. I work in a call centre environment and have do so for 24+ years. My husband wants me to take for myself but I’m worried about having to ask for money unless I take my company pension

I don't understand the asking for money

If you have a joint bank account surely you both know what is in it and whether or not it's reasonable to draw money or buy something?