In tears because of GD

Were the sisters ever close? I see that there is an 8-year gap between them. How did the older child feel when presented with a younger sister? Did she feel supplanted in her parents' (and your) love? Did everyone make a fuss of the new baby - perhaps an interloper in her eyes? Such feelings can run very deep and surface at times of stress which this could well be. The feelings of resentment, of being side-lined, may have surfaced at this time.

Callistemon21

OurKid1

I wonder if this Yorkshire Queen is actually a wannabe author and is trying out a plot to see if it's credible ... as someone said "the book, the film ..."

I hope not, I've already written the first ten chapters!

I hope you will dedicate it to all us who have contributed our thoughts! I suppose a signed copy is out of the question ...?

If I could believe this is all even half true I’d almost be in tears for your poor eldest granddaughter too, OP.

OurKid1

I wonder if this Yorkshire Queen is actually a wannabe author and is trying out a plot to see if it's credible ... as someone said "the book, the film ..."

I hope not, I've already written the first ten chapters!

You do feel a bit over-involved to be honest. Your GDs, two grown adults, are having different paths in life, but it is not down to you. Today when I saw her she was civil but distant with me and it has just really upset me as feels like I am doing something wrong by being so happy for my youngest and the joy she is experiencing right now.

Why would you feel you might be doing something wrong?

Your elder DGD has lots of problems to face and will not always be smiley - but that is not because of you. It is because she has been dealt a difficult hand in life.

I wonder if this Yorkshire Queen is actually a wannabe author and is trying out a plot to see if it's credible ... as someone said "the book, the film ..."

Who knows Bluebelle it sounds a bit once apon a time with Cinderella and her grabby sister.

I expect *YorkshireQueen will pop up again in a few weeks and give us all another run for our money*
But will she be yorkshireQueen or . HampshireHetty ?

The only way your title makes sense is if you’re in tears for having realized the horrid way in which you’ve treated your oldest granddaughter. Dismissing her chronic health conditions as no big thing all the while openly pinning her as this poor spinster jealous of her younger sister. For what I’m not sure younger gd sounds horribly spoiled and unimpressive. .

Wow! I’m trying to imagine how your eldest GD must be feeling. While she’s in her room, her parents and grandmother are all sat downstairs talking about her. Shame on you.

I expect Yorkshire Queen will pop up again in a few weeks and give us all another run for our money.

My imagination is running wild with possible scenarios.

In every one the older granddaughter is the heroine.

(Or the villain 😁)

Callistemon21

First the thread, then the book, then the film ......

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

On a serious note, it would be great it this wasn’t real! (Other than wasting all of our time!)

Then there wouldn’t some poor elder GD for us all to feel so sorry for!

Callistemon21

First the thread, then the book, then the film ......

👍🏻

First the thread, then the book, then the film ......

Eldest is not incapacitated. She has ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis but both are controlled well and you wouldn't even really know that she had them. Except she gets tired easily and has to pace herself but she has the ability to do whatever she wants. She needn't let these diseases hold her back.

I am left almost speechless at the above statement. What you mean YorkshireQueen is that in your entirely self-centred world, you are completely incapable of understanding just how serious these illnesses are, and your GD does everything she can to hide the effects they have on her from you, knowing that if she did, she would only be criticsed and abused even more for making a lot of fuss about nothing.

With those illnesses, there is a very good reason why she tends to stay in her room - and that is that no matter how 'well controlled' her illnesses may be, she still has long periods when she is in pain, is exhausted, uncomfortable and hasn't the energy and will to come out of her room. To come down and meet your hostility, or breezy assumption that there is nothing much wrong with ehr and isn't her sister wonderful, is the best reason I can think of for staying in her own room.

YorkshireQueen your lack of sympathy and empathy for your eldest grand daughter, your cheerful rejection of every thing we say on this thread, is making me really doubt whether you are real, and not a figmented of someones over-heated imagination.

YorkshireQueen

Eldest is not incapacitated. She has ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis but both are controlled well and you wouldn't even really know that she had them. Except she gets tired easily and has to pace herself but she has the ability to do whatever she wants. She needn't let these diseases hold her back.
I'm sorry but I do have an issue with my youngest feeling like she can't visit the family home. I do not favour the youngest but nobody is going to believe me on that.

Serious conditions, you sound as if you don't understand.

Buying in London with the expenses and costs seems to be much under estimated. Perhaps attempt understanding that dilemma. Change your focus?

Ah so because she didn’t jump through hoops and cong her for everyone to see she as a problem 🤣 give the lass a break you don’t need to see everything that the sisters say or do with each other maybe butt out and leave them alone and lead your own life not theres

Tin Soldier, is it doable? Council tax, household bills, gas, electricity, broadband, water plus other utilities, not to mention other things like food shops, insurances and transport to work.
If it is shared ownership I can understand you saying it is doable, because then on their low wages they could get help for the rent part via UC. I am pleased people on low income can get on the property ladder but the younger Grandchild has done nothing fantastic to get all this adulation, in fact she works part time, lived rent free, paid out for nothing, no wonder she could save.
See the difference between the older one who paid her way done the cooking, and worked with two very painful conditions. She has you and her princess younger sister sussed OP.
If this is true I find your younger Grandchild lazy and greedy, and you horrible for not recognising the one who does not take.
I truly hope this is made up, because I was that older sister. The difference being I stuck two fingers up to then and succeeded. I hope the oldest sister does just that and Grey rocks you. You don't deserve your lovely elder Grandaughter, like I did not deserve my toxic lot.

TinSoldier

I don't know. OP says they live in the edge of London. I come from north London. You can still buy some apartments there for £200,000 and slightly under.

I'm amazed!!

I don't know. OP says they live in the edge of London. I come from north London. You can still buy some apartments there for £200,000 and slightly under.

We live in Essex, some 35 miles from central London. The only flats for sale here currently for £190,000 are retirements flats and shared ownership.

Also, why does this grandmother know so much about her GD and partners finances? Salaries etc? I don’t even know exactly how much my own children earn!

TinSoldier

OP has said they have made an offer on a flat for £190K. With an £80K deposit they will need a mortgage of £110K which is £660 a month at 5.3% over 25 years. Take home pay on £23K is £1655 per month. On £9K it’s £700 per month. So GD2’s salary covers the mortgage leaving them £1700 per month for everything else. It’s doable.

What? In London?

Where is this flat?

I think it's less than minimum wage, on a 40 hour week.

We see this scenario pretty frequently: improbable back story with the sketchiest of details but a great outpouring of self pity from the OP. Good advice is rebutted and never taken on board, rather, further details intended to support the OP's story are drip fed but are inconsistent. I think that most of us are well aware that 1) its hardly conceivable that someone working P/T and earning 9k pa can amass savings of 80K over 15 years given the miserable interest rates over this period of time and 2) couple with a combined income of £32k can obtain a mortgage for a London property.
Were this not enough, the utter lack of any compassion or empathy for the two serious and life changing conditions the elder granddaughter is said to have suggests to me that the OP should have far more to worry about than her crocodile tears.