In tears because of GD

Cossy

YorkshireQueen

Sorry if I’m being “harsh”, but in both your posts you simply just don’t come across as loving them equally! You don’t know if she’s even been asked to be bridesmaid? Let alone refused! Not that it’s any of my business, but I do wonder how this couple are going to afford a wedding as well as moving into a property, especially as the bride to be only works part time, and if I recall makes no meaningful contribution currently to the household

No Cossy, we're not harsh.

Remember this?

I'm sorry but it just seems so childish. Like this evening, I went to the family home. She was hiding upstairs in her room while me and the rest of the family were downstairs. She came to say hello but that was it. Everyone else was happy and excited for her sister and her partner. They haven't been approved yet for this flat but I'm sure it will happen. My youngest GD has saved and not had any financial obligations so living at home with no money really going out means it will build up fast. My eldest GD has savings too but doesn't have a partner. She will either have to get a much higher paying job perhaps working from home or retrain or move somewhere where the costs are very low. Her sister shouldn't have to tiptoe around her, the whole family shouldn't have to either.

That's harsh.

OP

Are you going to keep asking the same questions until you get the answers you want?

You need to understand that your eldest granddaughters feelings

ARE ENTIRELY VALID

From her perspective, I'm certain, everyone is praising the youngest granddaughter and she is feeling left out.

My previous statement on the issue remains the same. Your eldest grand-daughter is upset that, because of the issues she has, feels she is NEVER going to be equal to her sibling no matter what and as a result will NEVER be able to compete for the praise and congratulations of her family because little sister has done it already. And better.

Maybe she just wants someone to tell her they're proud of her too.

I'm proud of her for putting up with you lot for so long. Harsh, but true.

YorkshireQueen

Well clearly she won't want to be will she Petra?
I just wanted to express my upset and really, look to see if anyone had experienced something similar

Really?
It looked as if you were seeking sympathy for your tears (Why?)
The previous thread was an eye opener in itself and this is no different- and it's still not about you.

I remember this from last time. From what you have told us before and now, I don’t think this is passive aggression at all.

The older sister does not receive equal treatment from her parents and has a right to feel fed up. She may also be someone who simply doesn’t like a lot of fuss about anything. She is just absenting herself from what sounds like a bit of a circus.

Frankly, who would want to be a bridesmaid as the age of 40? If the younger sister wants bridemaids it would be better to ask her own friends and not have the entire family guilt-tripping her sister into doing something she doesn’t want to do.

I don’t really understand why this second fuss about an engagement. The two were planning to live together anyway.

This isn’t Jane Austen but it does have the ring of Lydia Bennet about it; everybody flapping over the favourite daughter while the older one(s) conduct themselves with calm dignity.

Far too many emotions invested in that family. Just let them get on with their lives. No need for all the extremes of excitement, tears, judgements. Just let them live their lives. Accept their feelings, be supportive but don’t take sides.

rafichagran

YorkshireQueen

No, eldest GD does not work full time she works but not full time

Oh for goodness sake, just be proud of the one that pays her way, cooks and helps in the home.

This ^^

In tears? Really?

I might could be in tears if one of mine was ill, got bad marks, was expelled, tried drugs, or ran away - but I'd never be in tears for what you've posted.

Unless I misunderstood --- you're in tears because your eldest GD mostly stayed in her room, sent a brief message, and is civil but distant? Correct?

You're thinking backwards, imo. Never does EVERYONE agree on GN, take that on and ponder -- you're quite wrong about your GDs.

Pull yourself together.

^ I just feel my eldest GD is being passive aggressive and it's sad that she will hate every minute of the upcoming celebrations^

Who says she will hate every minute of the upcoming celebrations? Come to that what you have said about her doesn't sound passive aaggressive either.

Your posts are all about you and your feelings and what you have decided your grand daughter feels.

I will say again, although I know I am wasting my time. Just accept your grand daughter for the person she is, Her courage in face of all her difficulties and her determination to be true to herself and not be emotionally blackmailed into a false conformity by, of all people, her grandmother.

👏👏👏

YorkshireQueen

No, eldest GD does not work full time she works but not full time

Oh for goodness sake, just be proud of the one that pays her way, cooks and helps in the home.

No, eldest GD does not work full time she works but not full time

Never mind you’re upset, OP, think about how your elder granddaughter feels. This is not about you.

Exactly rafichagran. I remember the previous thread. Nothing that was said to the OP has sunk in. All the younger granddaughter has done is work part time, save all her money (£80k wasn’t it?) and find a not very well paid man willing to marry her (possibly for her savings?). Many comments were made last time about their ability to afford the flat and the part time working. The elder has worked full time despite illness and she also helps in the home and does the cooking. What has she got to feel happy about? I really don’t understand why the OP can’t understand how her elder grandchild feels, nor do I understand why what the younger one has ‘achieved’ is such a cause for jubilation.

Well clearly she won't want to be will she Petra?
I just wanted to express my upset and really, look to see if anyone had experienced something similar

It's like talking to s brick wall. Sorry to be so harsh but you really do not get it.
Posters on this thread can see it though.

No doubt she will refuse to be a bridesmaid
Really, what made you think that 🤷‍♀️

Your eldest granddaughter is unhappy, she is allowed to be for whatever reason, she needs extra TLC not made to pretend everything is wonderful beacause for her it is not.

The other grandchild has a good life and a happy future she does not need you, concentrate on supporting the one that does.

YorkshireQueen

Sorry if I’m being “harsh”, but in both your posts you simply just don’t come across as loving them equally! You don’t know if she’s even been asked to be bridesmaid? Let alone refused! Not that it’s any of my business, but I do wonder how this couple are going to afford a wedding as well as moving into a property, especially as the bride to be only works part time, and if I recall makes no meaningful contribution currently to the household

Well as I say @keepsmiling my youngest GD will be gone soon.
My eldest has too much savings to qualify for benefits or social housing and has no dependents. With her autoimmune issues as well and living in London. Only way she could possibly do it is by moving somewhere cheaper.

Well, guess we are all being “harsh” in unison

Thank you @crazyH for understanding.
I love them both equally. I just feel my eldest GD is being passive aggressive and it's sad that she will hate every minute of the upcoming celebrations. Especially when everyone else is so happy. How can that not be awkward and upsetting? It's difficult knowing she is upstairs angry or upset about it. Feels like we are all walking on tiptoes in terms of the possible flat which I believe is in the process of an offer being made and now this, the engagement. No doubt she will refuse to be bridesmaid as well. I just don't see how that can't be hard.

At their ages they should be responsible for their own lives. I honestly think that parents are the ones to blame for molly coddling their children. I think the granddaughter is acting like a spoiled child. The way things are going children and grandchildren will be living with their parents until they (the children) become pensioners. I have friends in their late 70's who cannot get rid of their 50 odd year old children. It would drive me round the bend if our sons lived with me.

Callistemon21

Cossy

Callistemon21

You’re spot on my dear

🙂 Was I harsh?
Perhaps just exasperated!

Maybe the OP thought well, I didn’t get the response i wanted last time so I’ll give it another shot

It’s so difficult, isn’t it YorkshireQueen - my only advice is : don’t rub it in the elder sister’s face - I know you won’t. My oldest 2 GC are just 14 months apart. GS failed his degree and is resitting this year. His sister is also now in the same year, and will probably pass first time. I can’t see it as a problem because they are very close, but you never know …I hope he gets his degree this time. We’ll see. But I can understand how you feel YQ

I too haven’t changed my opinion I still prefer the eldest lady’s attitude and think the youngest is your favourite
So my advice is just the same
Just because you start a new thread and phrase it differently doesn’t make it a different story

Your eldest sounds a saint and your youngest sounds spoilt