Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

TerriBull

MissAdventure, from what I read it's worse now, I have 20 something step granddaughters in London, one who had some guy try and strike up some sort of conversation apropos of "you don't look very happy love" and then just followed her for ages just keeping up a barrage of "what's wrong with you, why can't you just answer me blah blah" she had real problems shaking him off which she did eventually by meeting up with others, but she tells me that friends of hers have experienced similar.

That sounds pretty frightening.
I wonder if this kind of harassment is worse these days?

An opportunity missed . We must have a different view of opportunities.

I like your style, Witzend! Well done!

Well done for pulling him up about it this is a comment more often said by older men and nearly always to a woman hopefully he'll keep his opinion to himself next time or just say hello

Bilboben

He might have fancied you and saw it just as a way to start talking. Potentially an opportunity missed.

Hand on heart this happened - the one time I joined online dating, put up 3 pics. Got a message within an hour, clicked to read the comment from one man that he thought it was "stupid" to put a photo wearing sunglasses as they hid half my face. Opportunity missed? I closed the message, deleted the 3 photos, one of which I was wearing sunglasses, and the dating app and remind myself that men on online dating are - possibly for the most part - judgemental, opinionated and lacking in social graces. Happily single!

MissAdventure, from what I read it's worse now, I have 20 something step granddaughters in London, one who had some guy try and strike up some sort of conversation apropos of "you don't look very happy love" and then just followed her for ages just keeping up a barrage of "what's wrong with you, why can't you just answer me blah blah" she had real problems shaking him off which she did eventually by meeting up with others, but she tells me that friends of hers have experienced similar.

I doubt there is any woman who hasn't lived them.

Dickens, I'm not sure about that, we certainly wouldn't be a minority over on MN, a younger demographic who are at the sharp end of street based stranger harassment. I do believe one such thread on that site apropos of "Give us a smile love" was preceded by AIBU to want to punch a person that says that in the face! Maybe you have to live the unsavoury remarks to understand the reactions to empathise.

I never insinuated anything call you told me I was wrong when I was right.
As for saying it too a teenage girl, the ones I know would laugh at him, and the more vociferous ones would tell him to F... off, they certainly would not get worried and it would soon be forgotten.
Like I said old git is a term normally reserved for men and it is double standards.

I think a lot read too much into a comment. Goodness no one will be able to say anything soon. Let’s not say anything to anyone just go round with a big smile but then someone will be offended by that.

TerriBull

Those remarks are on the extreme end of the spectrum of what women have to put up with from men not known to them at various stages of their lives.. "Cheer up" nevertheless is still implying whoever that is directed at is miserable, they may or may not be, everyone is entitled to be alone with their misery and their own thoughts without such an intrusive and unwanted observation from a complete stranger.

I've seen men, on trains, busses, in the street, in the office, in pubs looking thoughtful, or serious. If I think about it at all, I would assume they are mulling over their work or family commitments, or something that they need or want to occupy their mind with.

It would never occur to me to tell them to "cheer up". If I caught their eye, I might just give the kind of smile that one human gives to another in that moment of recognition of 'contact'. That's all.

So why do men say it to women - who may also be pre-occupied with all the above thoughts?

I agree with you Terribull but clearly, we are a minority.

rafichagran

She called him a tedious old git in a later post.

On here but not to his face as you insinuated she did.

He's a tedious, boring dinosaur.

Is that better?

The leaning out of cars and making sexist remarks is totally unacceptable.

However, the second incident MissA described was a racist assault.

She called him a tedious old git in a later post.

No, rafichagran, Witzend didn't call him a tedious old git although yes, he is a tedious old man.

She said, perfectly politely:

‘Was it you who told me to ‘cheer up’ yesterday?’
‘Er, yes!’
‘Well, I wasn’t actually miserable - it’s just my face, I’m afraid. So in future perhaps you’d like to refrain from making such comments to random strangers?’
‘Er, OK.’

Next time it might be a young girl he says it too, a teenager lacking in confidence.

He thinks, because he's a man, he has the right to address women in any way he chooses, to demean them.
He does not.

After all this discussion, and if a situation like this ever presents itself again, I think you may do it differently…

Your first response should probably be something like “Oh, I’m, sorry. I was just deep in thought over something. I’m good! Have a g’day!” (*While you flash him your best cheerful smile*.) And carry on.

Always best to put your best face forward when addressed. Sometimes it even puts the other person a little off their game.

MissAdventure

The worst of it was watching her with her tissue, trying to wipe her son's face clean, and saying "well, it happens, best to ignore it".

The person who did it was just a young, nice looking dad type bloke, too.

That is what I think is revolting, not a elderly man saying cheer up.
I don't know how why anyone has the energy to be offended, and I certainly would not go back just to make a point. I don't have too much time in my hands. For what it's worth I have a resting bitch face, and when it was said to me, I just ignored and carried on, no second thought.
Why we are at it Witzend you called him a tedious old git, he made comment that you did not like but yours was more offensive and childish. Also Old git is usually a comment aimed at men, so you calling him a tedious old git smacks of double standards.

Saying that, I'd consign "cheer up!" to room 101.

Well, humans aren't known for always doing the best thing, for all sorts of reasons.

Those remarks are on the extreme end of the spectrum of what women have to put up with from men not known to them at various stages of their lives.. "Cheer up" nevertheless is still implying whoever that is directed at is miserable, they may or may not be, everyone is entitled to be alone with their misery and their own thoughts without such an intrusive and unwanted observation from a complete stranger.

MissAdventure

So it's probably best not to engage strangers at all, in case they are in the middle of a terrible tragedy...

If your child has died, any conversation is going to be trite, unwelcome, and inappropriate, in my experience.

So it's probably best not to engage strangers at all, in case they are in the middle of a terrible tragedy...

Well it's probably best not to indiscriminately tell them to "cheer up"...

The worst of it was watching her with her tissue, trying to wipe her son's face clean, and saying "well, it happens, best to ignore it".

The person who did it was just a young, nice looking dad type bloke, too.

This man didn't say 'give us a smile darlin' or 'get 'em out' he just said 'cheer up'.

Witzend

For the record, I wasn’t ’harmed’ by his comment, but I was certainly a bit upset by the inference that I evidently looked like a miserable cow, when I was feeling perfectly fine.

Anyone who thinks this was a ‘pleasantry’ is evidently on a different planet from me. To me a pleasantry would have been e.g. ‘Lovely morning, is t it?’

And further for the record, my tone when I spoke to him was perfectly polite. ‘Rude’ would have been ‘Put a sock in it next time, you old git!’

You probably didn't look like a miserable cow (!) at all - more likely like a woman with things to think about, getting GD to school on time, shopping, jobs to be done that day, etc.

No one is compelled to look cheerful for people they don't know who happen to be standing around or passing by!

MissAdventure

Our with my really attractive friend, men always whistled and shouted at her, almost crashing their cars sometimes.

The one day, as we waited to cross the road, a guy hung out the window of his car, and spat all over her, and her toddler, calling her "A fuc*ing dirty N*****".

That, to my mind, is hurtful.

Disgusting! criminal spitting is an assault. Your poor friend., what an animal.