Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

So it's probably best not to engage strangers at all, in case they are in the middle of a terrible tragedy...

If your child has died, any conversation is going to be trite, unwelcome, and inappropriate, in my experience.

He could have had dementia, but one thing I do know when I, and other young women had to walk past a load of cat calling builders who were working around St James's Square in London with a "give us a smile darlin'" or this"get 'em out" echoing in our ears literally every friggin' day, they sure as hell didn't have dementia

Our with my really attractive friend, men always whistled and shouted at her, almost crashing their cars sometimes.

The one day, as we waited to cross the road, a guy hung out the window of his car, and spat all over her, and her toddler, calling her "A fuc*ing dirty N*****".

That, to my mind, is hurtful.

There are so many assumptions on this thread, that the man in question was lonely, living alone, had the beginnings of dementia, trying to be friendly, all suppositions.

He on the other hand, is also making an assumption that this comment is welcome, he is not taking into account the possible feelings of the person he is directing it at. Apart from the fact that most of us don't go around with a fixed smile on our faces, there could be other factors that come into play, possibly the person is perhaps feeling unwell, has just received devastating news, a terminal diagnosis, the loss of parent/spouse/child/friend/dog/ cat and inside they are feeling deep sadness. they could have some form of facial paralysis from say Bells Palsy for example and literally can't smile. All of which wouldn't be any of his business and wouldn't necessarily be up for discussion with a perfect stranger. I don't agree there isn't any harm in what he said, the example I gave up thread of the woman who had it said to her by a bus driver after she'd walked away from her baby who had just died, literally tipped her over the edge. The point is someone could just, just be holding it all together and then that's the one remark that opens the floodgates, or triggers a complete meltdown.

In any event Witzend wasn't in a position to talk to him in the moment, she was busy concentrating in keeping up with her cycling young grandchild. Many of us suffer from delayed reactions, in that respect maybe drawing his attention to the personal and quite rude nature of the remark at a later stage might give him food for thought on how to address strangers in the future.

Some bloke said it to me when I had just lost my son. It’s completely unacceptable anyway, abuse really, but that was just the worst.

Yes, irritating.
It seemed to be growing legs and turning into a huge insult, though.

MissAdventure

How can it hurt someone???
Annoy, yes infuriate, but hurt????

You're right of course - it doesn't really hurt at all.

But when you've had a lifetime of men - at work, sometimes in senior positions, in pubs, passing by in the street, shouting from cars - telling you to Cheer Up or give them a Smile - it does get rather tedious. Especially when, you know, there might be a good reason why you're not sporting a permanent pleased to see you look because you have things going on in your life that might distract you from walking around with a smiley face that makes men feel comfortable.

I suppose we judge others by the way we behave ourselves, and I would never accost some random stranger, man or woman, in the street, telling them to "cheer up". It's intrusive and just plain old bad manners.

... it's not even infuriating... just tediously irritating.

Personally I would have laughed and that would have cheered me up no end lol

On the autistic spectrum?

It's something that users here often decide about wayward husbands, or 40 year old children. (Undiagnosed, usually)

HelterSkelter1

Or as I said and obviously annoyed Norahbone no end, inappropriate comments can be an early sign of a dementia. It doesn't excuse but maybe explains.

... well, there is that to consider, too.

I’m never sure what the point of this common comment to strangers is; I always ignore it completely. Why do people do it? I don’t think it’s to start a conversation. There are already well established openers for that and it’s mostly shouted as you pass someone in the street so there’s no expectation of an interaction but perhaps a reaction is “fun” for the commenter?

He'd probably say "Actually, don't bother" to me. 🥴

MissAdventure

I don't think that smiling makes a lot of people beautiful, myself included!

My face looks all screwed up if I smile.

That old bloke would probably say"Blimey, luv, what's happened?!"

I don't think that smiling makes a lot of people beautiful, myself included!

This would be water off a Rhinocerous' back in this department.
I would definitely laugh it off and turn it into a joke. I think a " no worries , mate" would probably be the order of the day.... sorry G'SNetters I really do say this stuff.....
Having said that it can be irritating if you're having a bad day
or feeling that your once youthful looks have plummeted south along with everything else.
I think we are all aware that the serious feminist point that possibly irritates the presumably younger MMsNetters is, I think, that the non-smiling woman is womankind failing to perform their only or at at least most important role , that of looking beautiful and cheering up all MAN kind.

Marcus Aurelius was a Stoic - we're not all stoical when upset or under pressure, nor should we expect to be just to please a dinosaur.

Years ago as I went to collect my children from school and man passed me and told me to cheer up. I replied that my father had died yesterday so smiling was not an option. That shut him up. It was true by father had died the previous day whilst we all sat around his bedside. I am of the keep your thoughts to yourself brigade.

Well done !

For the record, I wasn’t ’harmed’ by his comment, but I was certainly a bit upset by the inference that I evidently looked like a miserable cow, when I was feeling perfectly fine.

Anyone who thinks this was a ‘pleasantry’ is evidently on a different planet from me. To me a pleasantry would have been e.g. ‘Lovely morning, is t it?’

And further for the record, my tone when I spoke to him was perfectly polite. ‘Rude’ would have been ‘Put a sock in it next time, you old git!’

Love that MissAdventure a kindly Mr Plod will come on his bicycle in 6 weeks time. Maybe!

I think some of these comments are rather OTT and IMO that's an understatement win.

I think it's safest to just phone the police next time.

DamaskRose

sukie

Just yesterday I attended an award ceremony at dgs school where the speaker referenced a quote by Marcus Aurelius: “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.”

I agree with M A and I often say similar to DGD. But I think, if I’d thought quickly enough, I would have replied, “and a very good morning to you too” with a big beaming smile! If I’d thought quickly enough that is …

Love this I try to live by it

Just for the record, my late partner had a very miserable face when not speaking or smiling, I cannot count the times my friends or even strangers all women have told hi to cheer up or the whole sentence of cheer up then sit will never happen. Women and men have said hit to myself loads of times. I have a very scared face which looks very drawn and frowned, I am always been told not to worry so much or to cheer up. I can assure you it is not just old men. It does take you back a bit, but I have never retaliated as I know I can sadly look old and miserable as did my partner. I pick my fights and let it go over my head. I think some of these comments are rather OTT