Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

sukie

Just yesterday I attended an award ceremony at dgs school where the speaker referenced a quote by Marcus Aurelius: “Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.”

I agree with M A and I often say similar to DGD. But I think, if I’d thought quickly enough, I would have replied, “and a very good morning to you too” with a big beaming smile! If I’d thought quickly enough that is …

I don't see that as bullying at all.

I think it’s very rude of people to say things like that to perfect strangers! They rely on our good manners and tolerance to get away with their pathetic behaviour. The other day in the street a youngish man walking past yelled at me “cheer up darlin’!” I lost it enough to call back to him ‘do I know you?’ He didn’t answer of course so I shouted after him ‘so keep your mouth to yourself, idiot’. Not very ladylike behaviour but I won’t be bullied by some fool in the street talking to me like that. Would he have said it to a man?

Aaarrrgh after months of not using Gransnet thought I’d dip my toe back in
Still the same level of intolerance and jumping on peoples views to disagree in a nasty fashion
so pulling my toe hastily back out

It was a bit cheeky as he didn't know you. You could have just received some unpleasant news for all he knew. What gets my goat is cold callers asking if I'm alright, I'm always tempted to say that I'm actually not alright and give them a list of ailments then ask what they intend to do about it.

I used to get that "Cheer up" a lot when I was young so decided I must have a miserable looking face in repose. I then decided to change my habitual expression to a smile. It worked! I met a lady the other day who I hadn't seen for many years. I said to her that I didn't expect she'd remember me but ..... and she replied with "how could anyone forget your lovely smile". So all those "cheer ups" worked positively for me.
In the case of OP's elderly man, I'm sure he meant no harm - just chose a rather silly comment in the circumstance!

And suelld

Well said rowyn

rowyn

So I presume that some of you would rather tolerate the vicious trolling on social media, whilst publicly condemning an elderly person who may possibly live on his own and who just tried to be friendly ?
When I was young, and using public transport,( thousands of years ago!) quite a few strangers would make similar comments to me . I just accepted the fact that a) I must have a miserable expression, and b) that they were just trying to cheer me up.
Words fail me - to think that a mild greeting , presumably with positive intentions, should become such a bone of contention and negative debate. If only there were a lot more people like him in the world.

Well said…all these comments trying to make a simple greeting into control by men…gosh there must be quite a few people here with very low levels of self confidence!
I feel very sorry for this ‘random man’ ! Who probably thought he WAS cheering you up.

How can it hurt someone???
Annoy, yes infuriate, but hurt????

Sorry Sukie. But sometimes you are harmed and choosing not to be harmed simply doesn't work no matter how hard you try. If someone's words hurt you it's okay to feel hurt. It's a normal emotion and probably more harm is done by denying your feelings and allowing people to say and do things that hurt or harm you.

Well, I wish someone would say it to me - it would cheer ME up!

I’ve had it said to me a few times by older men. Really annoys me but I usually answer pleasantly.

BlueBelle

Bit mean in my opinion, I would have smiled at him I bet it was just his way of making contact
Why go out your way to take offence, teach him by example

Quite agree BlueBelle
He was just being friendly… I would have waved or said ‘hi’ cheerily the next time I passed.
Not a nice response on your part. Why go out of your way to be unpleasant?

Really…. I don’t understand what the fuss is about old man in his garden making to him a pleasantry. Then you go back and are horribly rude to an old gentleman to make yourself feel better. Why would you let that enraged you.

Happened to a friend and me in a pub a while ago.
Was told by a man on his way from the bar, “cheer up, it might never happen”
His face when I replied that “it already has, her husband’s just died and so has my dad”

We were just trying to support each other during a difficult time. 😢

I was on a flight once and the flight attendant passed a passenger stopped and smiled at the “miserable” looking passenger and said

“Smile - it may never happen”

The passenger replied

“It has happened - my mum died this morning”

I felt for them both and vowed I would never say this to anyone

I remember years ago when walking around to work in London to 'cheer up it may never happen' It did and still does really irritate me, because as you say, the person saying it hasn't a clue what the other person may be dealing with. It's super ignorant and crass

Well done! I hate it when people say that. They have no idea what people are going through. Someone at work said it to me recently, with the add-on 'it might never happen'. Grrr. Well, IT HAS HAPPENED & I'M BLOODY MISERABLE ABOUT IT!!! I didn't say that, but wish I had.

And the one time it was totally inexcusable was said to me by a female member of the HR dept when I was working. Just after both my parents had died within 6 months of each other. And she should have damn well known that. I put her straight. But this old chap I would have let it go over my head...if very old he will never learn. Question is will he say it again to OP. She will now have an armory of replies!!

He might have fancied you and saw it just as a way to start talking. Potentially an opportunity missed.

Or as I said and obviously annoyed Norahbone no end, inappropriate comments can be an early sign of a dementia. It doesn't excuse but maybe explains.

NoraBone

Well, started with a small rage against a man telling a woman, a complete stranger, what to she should do ....
Further raged by posters excusing him - old, dementia etc. Honestly, a complete stranger tells you to cheer up and you'd reward him with a smile? Ugh.

It's rude, rude and rude.

There's a difference to a shop assistant acknowledging you with a "have a good day" - that's only polite, surely? I know sometimes that is the only person that's spoken to me all day -

There's a difference to a shop assistant acknowledging you with a "have a good day" - that's only polite, surely?

Completely different NoraBone.

"Have a nice / good day" is an updated version of "Good Day to you Sir / Madam". Said by either sex to either sex, and all ages groups.

I doubt there are many men who tell other random men to "cheer up" as they walk past. Though undoubtedly, someone will be along shortly to tell me that's not the case.

There's a long thread on it on MUMSNET where the younger generation of women are fed up with being told to Cheer Up and Smile by random men - because it's not just something an old-man-who-doesn't-know-any-better said to the OP. It's an inherent part of some men's make-up, the type of man with a fragile ego who expects women to be ornamental wearing a permanent smile in appreciation of their existence.

You didn't have to take him down over it. Didn't improve his day doing that. And didn't really improve yours either, I suspect.

The bloke probably hasn't given it any more thought.
Long forgotten.

It's a clumsy way of saying hello,
Not the crime of the year.