When to move?

Isummer, ring the estate agent first thing Tuesday morning

1summer

My husband and I were going to move (downsize) and we both mentally decided it was time so in February 2020 put our house on the market, in March 2020 due to lockdown took it off the market.
The following year we put it back on the market a few weeks later my husband was diagnosed with Leukaemia so we took it off the market again.
He died in 2022 and I hate living in my house, it’s too big, I hate the garden and a it’s a real struggle to get a gardener in my area. Things are going wrong in house and soon I may have to spend considerable amount of money doing jobs. I really want to move but dread doing it on my own, all the stress, sorting out packing up etc.
I need a push to do it.

I wouldnt do it on your own.
If you dont have family who can help, how about friends? Some people love helping with this type of thing.

You can start a thread too, and we can "help"you on here?

Thank you, I will keep you updated on what I do. I am sure to come back for advice from you all moving forward. I know you will be very supportive.
I do have a son and daughter, my daughter just had a baby 6 weeks ago and is very practical and organised but my son is the opposite but is willing and will help with heavy lifting etc.

one thing you may consider when you look at moving is that some groups of flats that have been custom build have a guest room , so that you would not have to have the extra room, which might mean it was less expensive for you to buy a one bedroom flat. Alternatively if you think that you would not have visitors often ,if you have a b and b or small hotel nearby , then you can have the company but not the effort of getting ready and also if you are used to living on your own it is quite different having people with you for a week or something. I only mention this because again , taking patients they would sometimes say how their spare rooms were rarely used and was it worth it etc. I hope that things improve for you and that you will not have to deal with this for a long time . Best wishes

Congratulations on your baby granddaughter. With an organized daughter to help you and a strong son you're good to go. Chin up and good luck. It could all be exciting.

sorry that was a reply to HelterSkelter

I find you never get anyone to look after your garden as well as you used to and would still like to . I go behind the chap we get the next day and remove the weeds , always at the back and difficult to get at , that he has missed . I am better value than he is at £20 an hour .

Sometimes one downsize isn’t enough. We moved from an inner suburb to a village in preparation for retirement; when DH was diagnosed with Parkinson’s we moved to the next village which had more in the way of amenities to a slightly smaller house. Now I am on my own the house is really too big but is in good order and I have excellent cleaning and gardening help. If something smaller comes up in the village that might be sensible but I am not sure I can face both the downsizing and the getting somewhere else up to scratch so am sitting tight until the care home is inevitable.

1summer

Thank you, I will keep you updated on what I do. I am sure to come back for advice from you all moving forward. I know you will be very supportive.
I do have a son and daughter, my daughter just had a baby 6 weeks ago and is very practical and organised but my son is the opposite but is willing and will help with heavy lifting etc.

Presumably you will want to declutter first and some removal firms will come and pack everything for you.
It's stressful but, if you find exactly the right property for you, will be worth it.

It's finding somewhere that is the problem here so I think we've missed the boat.
The cost of moving could go some way towards paying for help with the garden and perhaps a cleaner at some point.

How do you know when it's the right time?
My house is very big and has maintenance problems on an ever increasing scale. I am emptying buckets daily from a leaky roof. Trees in the garden need attention. The windows need painting

However, I love where it is. It has an ideal position in the town centre but just off the main road. All amenities are on my doorstep. My friends are close by and most activities are walking distance.
If I have to stop driving, I will hardly notice. I already share my car with others who need it in emergencies.
I am a widow and live alone but I let out part of the house (a granny flat) and my studio, which I share with several others (I am an artist) is here as well.
I host volunteers who help with garden and cleaning.

I have an idea to sell the big house and to have a small kit house built in part of the huge garden.
My DC are against this idea. They think it will be far too stressful and say I should sell and move and stop being so fussy. I don't like houses I have seen
I am torn.
At my age 75, I probably should be preparing to downsize.
My DC are not particularly nearby.
I shall continue to read this with interest.

The housing market seems very sluggish at the moment.

Fine if you are buying but don't have a property to sell first.

I've decided to stay put. A bungalow would be better but I actually love the house. We have a downstairs loo and a stair lift so we manage. If we moved it would all come down to me and I couldn't face it. I do the garden, cleaning and get tradespeople in to do jobs.

Reading many of these posts is a good reminder to move earlier when you still have your health and when there are two of you . My parents should have moved when my dad retired but they didn’t and my DM was forced to move when her health and fitness meant she couldn’t cope with a large house and garden on her own , after my dad died . She moved to a 2 bed flat 9 years ago , just off a busy high street .
She misses the house and garden but knows it was the right move .

Thanks for so many interesting replies. Our circumstances are so different but we have the same difficult decisions to make.
Age is not relevant as some are thinking about it 20 years before others. Finances are very relevant if you can’t afford to pay for help or the increased costs of maintaining a very old house. Location makes a big difference, there is actually no suitable property to move to where I live.
You’re lucky if you still drive, that makes life so much easier.
Sympathy sent to those in much worse situations than I am and surprise at those living alone still in huge properties.

I think we all know we need to think about it sooner or later, but we just don’t feel ready for that move.
We have lived here for twenty years, the longest we have ever lived anywhere, it was meant to be temporary, while our youngest child was at school in the area, but somehow, we’re still here.
Everything is right for us , we have had quite a lot done, and it’s big enough for all the children and grandchildren to stay, it’s been a home from home for some of my grandchildren, and we have had our children move back home with their children for varying amounts of time.
I think I want to be in a town with lots of facilities, but every summer I feel I want to stay in the country.
Decisions, decisions, so hard!

It has been an interesting read and we all have such different size houses and lifestyles, but the question still remains of when is a good time to move from where we have lived maybe for many years and often from our loved garden however big or small it is. One thing to take into account of course is the actual cost of moving...which may pay for several years of gardening and cleaning help. The other thing is that sometimes making changes to your house may not make it extra saleable. So many times I have heard of people putting in a new kitchen or bathroom to sell it and the incomers strip it all out again within weeks/months. Our house needs a lot spent on it, but there are some downsides which will always affect the sale price. We have very limited off street parking in front of our house and no garage or side drive in a busy town where the parking wardens patrol like sharks.

So when the time comes it will have to be sold in the state it is in. And will probably be made into 2 small flats. Good luck to everyone on that journey.

Any move is stressful at least that's what I keep telling my DC.
When you have to clear a house which has been home for over 40 years it's mammoth!
My in-laws thought that their move in their 70s to a sensible house would be their last. They installed a stairlift and had some home and garden help.
After he died her main problem was loneliness and isolation.

Her DC took fortnightly turns to live with her for 2 years until that became too much of a burden.

So her DS converted his bachelor flat for her to move in with him. Her frailty made it hard and she lived only a few months. But I think she was happy and she didn't have to go to a carehome which she'd have hated.
She died exactly a year ago aged 98.

I did this just before Christmas and it's been the best thing ever. I'm in sheltered housing, a one bed flat with a beautiful wet room and a balcony large enough for table and 2 chairs, I have hanging baskets and colourful pots too. It's warm and cosy, less housework, and the option to use communal areas if I want company. I still drive but there is a 30min bus service literally outside the main entrance if ever I couldnt. Everywhere well maintained with a delightful housekeeper. We have a manager on site Monday to Friday if we need help or advice. I love it. No regrets at all. Drs surgery 5mins away, town about 10mins. Behind the scheme is the local common with bowls greens and tennis courts and outdoor lido. Always someone to chat to if i go for a walk as the common a dog walkers delight. My children don't have to worry about me either. I count myself very lucky.😊

We decided to stay put. If left on my own, then I will most likely move since this house and garden is too big for me to manage on my own.

In the meantime, I focus on decorating the house to a sellable standard and adapting it so if either one of us cannot manage the stairs, we can still continue living here.

Even trying to adapt this house gives me a headache, for example to install a wet room under the stairs, I will have to relocate the electric meter and consumer unit elsewhere first.

We just had a new roof, so at least, I no longer get stress when it rains.

Not keen on stairlift.

It’s a difficult time of life - you feel you might need to move but the thought of it is daunting and the idea keeps being put on the backburner.
I would make a list of all the pros and cons of your current abode and then a wishlist of things you’d prefer in a new home. Weigh them all up and see if it’s worth the hassle of the move.
Eg - could you afford a gardener/cleaner if needed.
If you were to live closer to town, if you have limited mobility, then it wouldn’t make any difference where you lived - you could have deliveries instead.
I personally love the peace and quiet of the countryside and couldnt imagine living in a town with noise, cars and too many people.
But who knows, maybe down the line, I might be forced to move.

In hindsight I was fortunate, I had to downsize in my early forties after divorcing, I only moved about 500 yds, from a large 4 bed detached to a 3 bed semi. Continuity for the children with school and friends and for me with known local facilities a short distance away and my friends, it did me a favour. I’m now in my 60’s and would dislike the thought of moving , the house and garden are manageable, my children both live a few miles away.

We decided to move from a large four bedroom house to a bungalow on the Northumberland Coast , seven years ago. We were both 73 and fortunate to enjoy excellent health and fitness.
I am so very relieved we did. Seven years later both of us have health problems. Husband was diagnosed with cancer last December and fitness levels have been affected, and I have Arthritis which has accelerated the past year. However we are well organised , and we find our bungalow very easy to maintain, Gardner comes to cut grass in the summer and OH potters with flower gardens. We try to hang on to our existing fitness levels by walking on the beach most days. we have no family nearby, but so relieved we managed to organise our move seven years ago. How things have changed for us this last few years, but then as we are both eighty now its only to be expected. So I would say to anyone who is in the same circumstances as were dont leave it too late.

I suppose downsizing is an admission that you’re getting old, which is why so many of us resist it.
I am used to every big occasion being in my house, I think all the grandchildren will have happy memories of holidays spent with their cousins, and I suppose I will find it hard to watch my daughters take over, heaven knows why, I’m definitely not a control freak, I guess it’s just how it’s always been