When to move?

We are in that position too.When is the best time.I don’t want to be left in this house alone now I am not driving but can I face packing up and moving.I will welcome others views too.
Barbarax

I’ve asked myself that question many times, Im just so settled in my house but know the time will come when I can’t manage it by myself.

I moved myself when I was 71 and widowed. I chose the area very carefully and a new build by a very good and respected local builder. I am in short walking distance to shops, buses etc and a 5 minute cycle ride to the most lovely somerset countryside

Hobbies were and are, very important to me hence 4 bedrooms, one is now a sewing room and another is a well-being room. Good size garage to store my tools and 3 bikes. Nice size garden. Allotments locally. Stairs for exercise esp in winter

I would have ideally moved while I still had my husband, so he could have done all the routine jobs that needed doing ie shelves, mirror hanging etc and it would have been far easier to actually pack and unpack with two of us

The best time imo is while there are two, once you have found a good area, while still able to climb stairs and are flexible and strong enough to do it all, including going through `stuff` that you may want to get rid of. Don`t discount being in a couple, especially from the viewpoint of making a joint decision.

I suppose it’s best to move whilst you are still reasonably able to do so, although that must be a hard decision if you love where you live.

But so many people leave it too late.

Seven years ago we found my dream house moving from London to Oxford to be near my youngest son and his wife. We had to buy a fairly large house as my husband had a large collection of stamp albums and CD's which kept growing. Sadly he developed dementia and had to spend his last year in a care home as I unexpectedly collapsed and needed open heart surgery and could no longer care for him.
The house was the house of my dreams when we moved there but actually on the edge of a village with no pavements and not near shops so I seriously had to consider a move. When I thought about it I still loved the house, it was near fields and woodland for walking my dogs and only a ten minute drive to my son his lovely wife and their now three children.
He brought my bed downstairs so I only have to climb stairs to shower, I realise I am very lucky to be able to afford a gardener and to pay the bills. Tesco's and Amazon bring me my shopping and I have the most lovely and supportive neighbours so....I'm staying!

I like threads like this.
It helps to formulate my own thoughts.

Our house itself is ideal.
It's location may well be not, when the time comes nearer. That is the part I am still thinking about.

I have also been watching people in real life, and watching the ages of people on GN.
It seems to be, in a very loose general, that quite a lot of people dont hit big problems until past age 75?

Partly because of that, my DH and I have signed a contract on something for 10 years.
By the time that ends we will be 73. Perhaps the age when a mojor deicision should be made.

Dont know for sure. Still some weighing things up, to be done. And plus of course, events may overtake us.

I live in the suburbs of London . Lots of green space and plenty of transport both important to me . I’m 74 widowed four and half years ago. The house is a just a modest terrace and I have good friends and DS and family nearby. Over the last couple of years I have developed fairly wide spread arthritis. I’ve had a hip replacement, need another and I do worry about the garden . I’m fortunate that I can afford to keep the house warm and in good condition and if I could find one, have a gardener! I think my next move will be to a care home if needed it may have been different if DH was still alive.

i did ten years , 3 days a week, of volunteer hospital car driver. This was travelling all over collecting people from up the dales etc. and I met many people whose plans were upset by unexpected illness, especially if they could no longer drive. Then they often had to change things quite quickly and not at the best time to do it. So although I loved my house and especially the garden on three levels, I did move to a ground floor flat, whilst I had the ability to choose what I wanted, was able to wait until something suitable turned up and although I really found it difficult to do , it meant that I was still in charge of my life and did not have to go somewhere I was forced to choose in a hurry etc. It was difficult of course, it was the home that I shared with my husband until he died, missed my big collection of snowdrops , had to give up my piano as it was too big for the new place, and still have a lot of things to sort out , but my back gives me a lot of pain and is not getting any easier, and living somewhere flatter now allows me to get about. Will always miss the hills etc, but whilst I can still drive I can visit places that are important to me. My memories of my husband and our home are still there for me , but I recognise that it was the right thing to do. I think the longer you leave it the harder it becomes. I have moved a lot , lived abroad and in various parts of Britain, so have done a fair bit of moving. A couple of things that might be useful. Have 2 pieces of paper and on one write the positive things you would gain by moving, and on the other the negative ones. Each time you add something fold the paper over. When y ou are ready you open them up and look at what you have written. Then you can group things together and it will give you some ideas of what is important to you in your home. Some may be obvious, but you sometimes get a surprise about something you hadnt previously considered important. When you get round to thinking of moving , if you plan to move away from your local area, I suggest it is worth going to stay in the autumn or winter for a weeks , b and b style. Then you will see the place in its normal mode. Everywhere can look wonderful in summer but quite different later on. What is available that matters to you , buses? library? etc etc.One thing my husband and I found worth doing when we had actually got a move arranged, was to have some graph paper and make a scale drawing of the rooms and then measured furniture and cut out scaled paper pieces. Sounds a fiddle , but my husband quite enjoyed that , but it was really worth the effort. It is a lot easier moving bits of paper around and being able to envisage how much room they took up and if they would fit in. We also actually had to accept that a chair we both liked would definitely not fit in and it was easier to sell it before we moved, saving us a lot of hassle and a bit of space in the removal van too. So enjoy what you have now, we were able to have 20 years in the last house , but it was quite high on a hill and it would have been very difficult for me now. It is sad to leave somewhere you love but it is more important to keep your independance for as long as possible I think so hope you are able to enjoy your new home for as long as you can. However if it starts to become difficult to live there I think move earlier than later. Best wishes

We are going through this at the moment. In our case it has been complicated by us also having a holiday house in France.

We started planning at 75, when we decided we would sell the French house when we were 80. This gave us 5 years to get used to the idea, then of course there was COVID, which meant we couldn't get to France for 18 months, then DH had a heart attack and by pass surgery, so come last summer when we hit 80, we were in agreement, as much as we loved it, our time in France was up. We had had the house for over 30 years, and the temptation to keep saying, another year, another year, was strong but we gritted our teeth and put our house on the marke, but sold it almost immediately to our young neighbour's parents whom we knew and liked.

In the UK, we aways knew that we would eventually downsize from our present house, but had no definite plans. But DH's health is not good and I had a couple of scares last year, so we decided now was the time, I am still fit and well and although DH is no longer at his best, he is still operational.

Our original plan had been to move into the centre of one of the local towns where all services would be available on foot or buggy, if we had to stop driving, but both our children live quite a distance from us, more importantly, both their journeys are cross country journeys and we saw how difficult these were when DH had his heart attack and heart surgery.

We are fortunate that both our children live well apart, but both close to the A1, one in Yorkshire the other in Hertfordshire, so we have decided to move to a town on or close to the A1. Again we wanted to be in a town that has all the necessary services in the town centre, and was on a mainline railway and after plenty of research we have decided to move to one of two small towns, with in easy reach of our children and also able to get to London to visit friends and family.

I would have moved 10 years ago but DH was not keen. We have a very big garden surrounded by hedges ,- both need constant attention! I love the area and we have good neighbours ....…. but - no bus service , no shop, no post office , no nothing!! My DH is now on the early stages of Alzheimer's Disease and needs me to
keep track of medication, appointments etc. So only just diognosed but he already gets very muddled. I fear for our future! We have AC not far away but they have their lives and although I know they will help I have no desire to impose on them . Too late to move now so we need to think about a gardener, problem is my DH has always done the garden and enjoyed it and is now unable to acknowledge that it is all too much for him . I drive but in my mid 70s so I don't know for how much longer. DH is still allowed to drive - for now!!!! My advice to people is downsize sooner rather than later.

My husband is in very poor health and I don't know what the next few months will bring. But if and when I am on my own the house and garden will be too big. When I think about it, I have decided I will downsize to something very small but possibly near where we are which is in the centre of a busy little town. Close to rail, airport and bus links. Something I can lock up safely and then visit friends and family during the year while I and they are still able. A house/flat with a spare double bedroom so I can have friends and family to stay here in return.
The last few years with his health deteriorating and my cancer which is under control currently has made us quite isolated and I have missed social contact. But there was no way we have been in a situation to downsize as a couple. So it will be on my own. We probably should have done this move on retirement 15 years ago, but with one AC in London and one in N Wales where we are is quite a convenient spot. It's certainly a decision, and situation, which may suddenly have to be addressed often at the worst of times. But often there doesn't seem to be a good time. I do admire PP who have made the decision early on. But I am not going to beat myself up about having left it late. I hopefully will get it done while I am still in reasonable health.

watermeadow

I always say we should plan ahead as we age so we do not have to make major decisions in a crises. This applies to moving from country into town or moving to a retirement flat. I’ve thought a lot about moving on when my house and garden become too much to cope with but I suppose it takes that dreaded crisis to make us admit that the time has come.
What made you finally leave your dangerous stairs, maintenance bills, weed-filled garden? Did you regret it or are you happy now?

We've lived in this house since we married, I was 16 he was 18. We've modified it somewhat, changed uses of rooms, added along the back, added up, added garages, bought more fields. I doubt we'll ever move.

We've only one set of stairs, up to a mansard addition, 2 bed, 1 bath, storage - no matter if we never climb the stairs again.

Our gardens, yard beyond, and fields are easily cared for by others. I'm only taking care of flowers, shrubs, mulch/chips, veg now.

Maintenance? We have the same anywhere, I'd assume.

No reason for us to move, we hope to be cared for here, if we have needs (but have selected "if we require" care home). Then, I'd hope, Heaven.

If by some strange circumstance we were forced to move, I'd want a lower level rental flat, dog walks require lower level, imo.

We have just put ours on the market.
We are 61 and 67, the house is Edwardian,4 bedrooms and two bathrooms, two living rooms, dining room, dining kitchen and study on 3 floors.
The garden is our joy we love it and enjoy maintaining it.
However, we are hardly ever here, we have an apartment in North Yorkshire that we use when it’s not let and I don’t want the house to become a burden.
Our daughter has a big house that can accommodate all the family, one son in London in a flat and the other in Oslo so our daughter and husband can have a turn at hosting everyone!
It may be that we don’t get a buyer and we stay but I’m hoping we can sell and downsize.

Sad to hear about people suffering from poor health and loss.

But, really,reading some of these posts they bear no resemblance to the lives of many people. Huge big houses to sell, apartments unused and so on.

I will probably be accused of something like virue signalling but so many people have so little ( through no fault of their own)

zakouma66

Sad to hear about people suffering from poor health and loss.

But, really,reading some of these posts they bear no resemblance to the lives of many people. Huge big houses to sell, apartments unused and so on.

I will probably be accused of something like virue signalling but so many people have so little ( through no fault of their own)

Whilst I can appreciate your sentiment, many people do wish to move and that was the question.

Many people move or wish because they have health problems or no longer need space for a partner - but it's not up to us the decide for them, is it?

We did it three years ago, at the height of lock down, not a good time to move in retrospect, but thinking back, when we got the offer on our house and had our offer accepted on the house we wanted to buy, conditions were more relaxed before the country went back into full lock down again. We'd known for quite some time that we wanted to get further away from London, preferably outside the M25 and scouted quite a few towns for several years, where we are now often came out top of potentials, it was a question of finding the right house. Often children keep families rooted to an area, but they'd both left home by then. Whilst our children like coming to see us here and staying, they do moan occasionally, about us leaving the place where they'd grown up In fact when we told them we were actually on the move, we'd been saying it for ages, one of their girlfriends said, because she loved coming down to stay where we used to live, "I'll believe it when I see it!" One of my boys, very tongue in cheek, I might add, said something like " no! don't do it, think of the children" Good grief at 31 and 34, as they were then, I don't think so

Unintentionally we did a sideways move, we've actually got more room here, and a good sized garden, screened by trees Our last house was on 3 floors and that was another reason for us wanting to move, just too many stairs. We'd hard wired into ourselves, "never go up without taking something and never come down without bringing something" We love it here, a couple of miles from a market town with numerous amenities, a railway station, it's about an hour into London Bridge, one son, when he's in the office works right there a couple of minutes from that main line station, so he will often jump on the train and come down here for a night. We have lovely country side around us, we're also an easy drive from the coast a mere 15 miles away.

Norah

zakouma66

Sad to hear about people suffering from poor health and loss.

But, really,reading some of these posts they bear no resemblance to the lives of many people. Huge big houses to sell, apartments unused and so on.

I will probably be accused of something like virue signalling but so many people have so little ( through no fault of their own)

Whilst I can appreciate your sentiment, many people do wish to move and that was the question.

Many people move or wish because they have health problems or no longer need space for a partner - but it's not up to us the decide for them, is it?

Of course not Norah and I am mindful of the original question.

We decided to leave London early when we reached 60 rather than wait until retirement. The plan was to carry on working, flying up to City each week, but the airline went bust, and then along came covid. We tried to juggle things by other means, but it all became hassle and we retired early.
We already knew the area we moved back to, and this time round we didn't make the mistake of having a big garden because the beach and countryside are both on our doorstep. We are lucky two of our children and their families live nearby.
What I'm sort of saying is, that it's never the right time, or the wrong time to move. If you feel you might be better off elsewhere, then you just have to take the plunge and go.

I have already employed a gardener, I can still do my own housework and washing and if I needed help with the stairs I will buy a stairlift. I splashed out on a walk in shower after my husband died so if ever I need some help cleaning, I will pay for a cleaner. I live in a detached house with an extension and large gardens but I love the area it is quiet and peaceful and next door to the park so unless something drastic happens I am staying put.

Every couple of years I re/visit this subject. I’m still in a large house with an even bigger garden! I could not leave my garden as I made it from scratch 29 years ago when I moved in. A new build with nothing but a Lime Tree with a conservation order in the back garden. I’ve been age proofing it for a few years now. Especially since I had a bad fall 3 years ago on the old steps. I’ve decided I’ll just get a gardener when I can’t manage it myself. He/she will need to be good though!

My husband and I were going to move (downsize) and we both mentally decided it was time so in February 2020 put our house on the market, in March 2020 due to lockdown took it off the market.
The following year we put it back on the market a few weeks later my husband was diagnosed with Leukaemia so we took it off the market again.
He died in 2022 and I hate living in my house, it’s too big, I hate the garden and a it’s a real struggle to get a gardener in my area. Things are going wrong in house and soon I may have to spend considerable amount of money doing jobs. I really want to move but dread doing it on my own, all the stress, sorting out packing up etc.
I need a push to do it.

1Summer I am sorry to read your post. It must seem a mountain to climb. Not how you wanted this stage of your life to be. Can you spend some time thinking of where you could move to. Do you have family to be closer to? Could you start looking at houses and get an idea of what would be the sort of house/flat you would like. So take some small steps which could make you feel more positive and confident. Do you have adult children who could help with the admin of moving and packing? I know this is what I have ahead of me....so I am encouraging myself as well as you. I am sure there are Grans on here who have felt very much the same.

HelterSkelter1

1Summer I am sorry to read your post. It must seem a mountain to climb. Not how you wanted this stage of your life to be. Can you spend some time thinking of where you could move to. Do you have family to be closer to? Could you start looking at houses and get an idea of what would be the sort of house/flat you would like. So take some small steps which could make you feel more positive and confident. Do you have adult children who could help with the admin of moving and packing? I know this is what I have ahead of me....so I am encouraging myself as well as you. I am sure there are Grans on here who have felt very much the same.

Thank you for this, I have started to do this. I know the type of house I want and area I would like it, I get Rightmove alerts for house that come on the market. I also have a list of top priorities of what the house must have. So I am almost ready.
But it’s that final push to do it, every month I seem to have an excuse to postpone another month.

The answer is do it sooner rather than later.