Don’t know how to deal with DIL and mother/ Grandchildren involved.

Jaxjacky

It’s also noticeable that many post, but never come back on their thread.

And that many of them are started at half term🤔

Why involve yourself with the drama at all?

Go for your visits

Spend time with the children

This is not helping build trust to do more

Perhaps the American grandmothers think they might get some sense!

It doesn't make a difference which country people are in. It makes a difference that there are numerous threads started by younger women who have problems with outrageously unreasonable MsIL, described at great length, and also similar ones started by older women who have problems with their DsIL. Neither come back to post on their own threads.

I don't know what is going on, but I do know that on MN there are problems with people starting 'what do you think?' threads that go nowhere, and that the mods have asked to be alerted to them, so I assume that they are nefarious in some way.

I usually do scroll on, but just as you felt the need to comment on my post, in this instance I felt the need to comment too.

It’s also noticeable that many post, but never come back on their thread.

Some have been taken down by GN. Fake mothers in law and bots.

Doodledog

Germanshepherdsmum

Why do we get all these dil posts from the States?

I saw the long post, scrolled until I saw your comment and gave up. What is going on with these American dreadful MIL posts? What do people expect to gain by asking UK people for advice?

I feel sorry for posters who get this response. Why does it make a difference what country they are living in? I know some posters are in France, in Australia etc., and don't get dismissed like this.

These posters aren't some homogenised set of American mothers-in-law; like other nationalities they are individuals.

Maybe I'm naïve and there is a battalion of fake mothers-in-law lining up to send long messages to people on Gransnet; I doubt it though, and feel that if you don't believe it, just move on. How can you possibly know that a post isn't genuine? It must be heart-breaking for someone going through a painful situation to read some of these responses.

Don't they have Gransnet or something similar in the States? As soon as I see the words "Mom" or "Gramma", I wonder ...

BlueBelle

And another one!! I wish we had one thread for all these almost identical post from the states then one answer would do them all
herewegoagaincrazy let me explain ….lately we have had quite a few (sometimes a week or so apart) long posts from a US poster with very very similar problems to yours sone of them have turned out to be past banned posters

Now presuming you are a genuine poster with a genuine problem I m sure you will get lots of good advice and I hope you manage to sort the problem out to everyone’s satisfaction
It’s not easy

Agreed.

I have serious doubts about that, but what is the motive? Is there a forum somewhere with people laughing at the replies they get?

If they are actually in need of advice of course …

Germanshepherdsmum

Why do we get all these dil posts from the States?

I saw the long post, scrolled until I saw your comment and gave up. What is going on with these American dreadful MIL posts? What do people expect to gain by asking UK people for advice?

Flappergirl- agreed! I also don’t want to feel used. They want me to fill in when her mom takes a trip or needs a break. I mostly will just to see the kids but these kids won’t remember. Her mom would contact me saying what dates she needs. Finally I decided I’m not always going to revolve my schedule around hers. So I would give dates I could show up but they liked to change them saying the mom planned a trip with a friend so needed other dates. I mostly turned it down. It was always at her mom’s convenience never mine. You are correct. I think I’ve resigned myself.

You have to take a step back. Your DIL is going to be more invested in her own mother now she has children (that's pretty normal either side of the pond) and your son will always take his wife's side. It would be emotional suicide for him to do otherwise. Resign yourself to the way things are or you'll spend your life fighting it.

Herewegoagaincrazy

Norah he is. How does it apply? He feels the same. Is over their drama.
Lottie Louise: We live hours away. If we didn’t visit we would only see family maybe 2-3x a year. Not what the plan was when we decided to have our 3. It’s harder for them visiting because of young ones or dogs/ cats at home.
Sago: Here we go nothing. Feel free to ignore me. Here we go isn’t at all helpful.

Step parents seemingly can cause problems - which may not be understood by blood parents. I've no idea why/ how, but it happens.

Doesn't apply to you.

Perhaps 2-3 visits a year is enough for your son? Some people don't like to have people in their space very often. Our children don't.

I think we all agree that you must un involve yourself with these people.
If they need you, they'll find you.

There are some cultural differences .
For example US grandparents seem to expect to be at their grandchild 's birth and every event from then on. I don't think we do in the UK. You wait until you are invited and that may not be for a few weeks.

Like you though when the parents realise the cost of daycare, they are often only too pleased to have granny day care!

Norah he is. How does it apply? He feels the same. Is over their drama.
Lottie Louise: We live hours away. If we didn’t visit we would only see family maybe 2-3x a year. Not what the plan was when we decided to have our 3. It’s harder for them visiting because of young ones or dogs/ cats at home.
Sago: Here we go nothing. Feel free to ignore me. Here we go isn’t at all helpful.

Here we go……

Just stop visiting, at our age, we can do without all these family issues. Let them visit you instead.

Is your husband the father to your son?

Wow! Thank you for those explaining. I am actually genuine. Have been hurt by family actions. It was long because I thought it needed the back story.
Do you think it is a U.S. thing only? Is it this culture somewhat? That is shocking to me.
Maybe you get them from the U.S. because we don’t want to risk our own family seeing these. Kinda my thought. I saw Grandnet pop up online one day and was looking at articles and saw posts in chat etc. thinking maybe other Grammas can help me with my Grandchildren and DIL/ son relationships. That’s about it. What are “ windups?”

Herewegoagaincrazy

Thank you to the last few reply’s. We have decided we have traveled the last year to all our children a lot and now want to stay put so we can have a routine, do us, etc. They (3) can visit us anytime. Two will be visiting Aug and Sept. though they have no children yet themselves. Our married son said they will try to come for a holiday.

I think you've made a wise decision to take a step back.
You and your husband deserve to enjoy this time of your lives together, not being dragged into other people's chaotic behaviours and rules.

One or the other. I just don’t get wound in any more.

That or the posts are all just wind ups intended to get a response ?

Germanshepherdsmum

It’s strange that the posts come from the US but none of the replies do …

I always try to believe all posters to be genuine but you’re quite right that there seem to be a lot of American posts of late, with similar problems time and time again. I can only imagine that the expectation of the grandparent / mum and dad relationship in the states is different?