Children/Grandchildr en

I was 75 and not in good health when my son and his partner asked me to look after my 1 year old granddaughter 2 days a week. This would have involved driving 35 miles, first through a large city then on the motorway plus a few miles on winding rural roads over the Pennines. Because of rush hour traffic, to get there by 8am I would have needed to leave at 6 am. Had they lived locally I would gladly have given it a go but in the event felt that I really would not be capable. They have never forgiven me and I have never even met my 3 year old grandson. I send cards and presents but don't get a 'thank you'.

I worked, single mum, so when my daughter had kids I couldn’t help with child care, but I did babysit some evenings and occasionally if I had a day off. 2things that annoyed me, 1) I started work at 6.30am so one of the parents would have to get up and take me the day after I’d babysat, don’t live in same town. My daughter moaned as she did this one day, my reply? You can start a babysitting circle, pay a sitter or put up with having to take me to work. Your choice. 2) one of their friends put on Facebook how great it was she’d had a weekend away as grandma had had her child. Their response, you’re so lucky having someone to do that, we never get the chance to go away, my response, sorry I have to work weekends maybe other grandparents would like to have the kids to stay? Never had a moan again!! Grandparents aren’t free childcare, many of us are working when we become grandparents and even if we’re not, we’re the kids GRANDparents, not parents. Get a nanny, use a crèche/nursery, work part time, or dont have kids.

My mum did, when she looked after eldest gd when born in the 90's. Loved doing it, but was tired. when my sister had the 2nd, she stayed at home, but when she had her 3rd she expected mum to look after them (husband told her she had to go back to work) mum said she couldn't physically do it.

That sister is.now a.grandmother and in the early days, apparently was exhausted looking after her gd. Now,.the little "cherub" is 2 in August, and she's adorable BUT she's an absolute firecracker, she NEVER stops

My two grandchildren live at the other end of the country from me, so I don’t see them regularly. I’m grateful I didn’t have to look after them when they were younger. It would be nice to know them better, but having brought up my two sons single-handed (my husband died) I have no desire to be achild-carer now.

My DIL looked after the children for a year, and then they employed a nanny. It isn’t really a grandparent’s job to care for the grandchildren.

keepingquiet

This is a real hot topic as demonstated by the answers here.

I have been aware of grandparents who gave their all to grandchildren when they were little, only to find that as adults those same grandchildren didn't visit or even remember birthdays/Christmas etc. When it came to grandparents they rarely visited the care homes they went into or even attended funerals.

We choose who we spend our time with, but sometimes those adorable grandchildren grow into uncaring and disrespectful adults.

Just warning a few who seem to invest so much in their little darlings. Sometimes the payback isn't what you think it might be.

If you do it for payback you are doing it for the wrong reasons!

I'm 78, and currently looking after my 2 grandchildren, girls aged 8 and 10, for 4 days whilst my daughter (a doctor) is attending a course. They are a joy to look after and have behaved amazingly well but I won't be sorry to go home tonight.

I have also looked after assorted grandchildren and great grand children over the years. Yes at times it is tiring but I don’t feel taken advantage of and how lovely Is it to be needed! Not to mention the joy of sharing your life with little ones.

My granddaughter lives in the US but spent three years here in Malta when aged between four and seven years old. I absolutely loved every minute of looking after her, particularly as I was widowed during that time so she gave me a reason to keep going. I miss her so much now she’s so far away but we have a very close bond.

My twin grandsons were born two months prematurely in 2022 so I have been a hands on Nana from when they were released from the NICU.

DD3 returned to work as a teacher when they were nine months old and I have cared for them five days a week during term time since then.

I look on it as a privilege and I love our days together and seeing them grow from two tiny little shrimps into two little boys with their own unique characters has been so wonderful.
The will be starting nursery soon and I am dreading it!

I do think it is not for everyone but at 67 I’m still pretty fit (touch wood) and I don’t have much of a social life since losing DH so the boys have given me a new lease of life.

I also get a lot of appreciation from DD3 and her husband so I don’t feel put upon.

I love my grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them. But have never been asked to care for them on a regular basis. My son and his wife had two children because they wanted to have a family. They also wanted to nurture and shape their own children in their formative years. Mt dil stopped work til the children were older and they carefully managed their finances. The children are now 18 and 16 and have developed into wonderful young people.

My neighbour, aged 77, looks after her three and a half year-old grandson, two days a week. She drives 1 1/2 hours on those days, both ways to take care of him. On the other three days he goes to a full-time nursery from 8am to 6pm. This arrangement has gone on since he was six months old. He is still in nappies. On another two days she takes another 2 grandchildren to school and back. These two older ones are demanding and rude to her. She also babysits a few times a week. The rest of the time she is totally exhausted, She has no social life, no hobbies and no interests. But she feels needed and that seems to be her overriding need.
I guess it’s all about priorities.

My mother had 7 children. She let all her children know that if they had children, they needed to be able to take care of them themselves as she had no intention of bringing up anybody else’s children. She done her job and was going to enjoy her retirement!

I was working full time when my daughter had children, so there was never any expectation of childcare from me. When I retired early we went to live abroad for most of the year, we did that for four years.
We did and do have them to stay over, ferry about and other help when requested if we can, they’re a lot older now.
I agree with your observation though Tiley
Grannie314 it’s not obligatory for GN, anyone is welcome.

I have two young grandchildren, 2 and 5 , I ve been involved in helping to look after them both since they were born. Mum and dad work long hours for a pittance, I m frequently exhausted, I’m 67 so no spring chicken but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Grandchildren are precious and so is the time we have with them. My children didn’t experience this as my parents and in laws weren’t really interested, I didn t want that for my grandchildren. I live them both to bits and they live coming to my house and even though they wear me out I l so grateful to have the opportunity to be watching them grow up so closely as many people don’t have the same opportunities

No way would I commit to set hours for looking after our grandchildren, we always help out if there is a problem but do not/will not commit to more

Just curious, if you never had children or grandchildren, why are you on this list-serve?

Sorry, the happiest days of my life

I had my Grandson 5 full days a week from 1 until he went to school
I didn’t find it ‘unacceptable’ I offered , and apart from those same years when his Mum was little they were the

My only son just got engaged. His fiancée is 37, the age I was when I got pregnant with ease, probably because I wasn’t maternal and was gently persuaded by husband. I am now almost 73 so by the time a baby comes along for them I wouldn’t be able to help physically but having worked in the City for 20 years and then setting up three businesses I could help with my brain. E.g. how to get responsible au pairs or young trainee nannies on work experience as they both have good well paid jobs and just need a responsible young person to take the baby to the park and such like. I look forward to buying clothes for any GC if I’m lucky to have any. I still work on eBay but can pace myself or shut shop. I have mild CFS so have to pace any physical activities.

I know many grandparents are probably in their fifties and sixties so still have energy.

I looked after DGD 1 day a week from birth to 5 (2 days when she was very little), and collected her from school one day a week for several years after that. It was the round trip of 100 miles that eventually made me give it up, but I wouldn't have traded those special times for anything.

I work in childcare and the amount of grandparents saying how tired they doing pick ups and odd days whilst still holding jobs down is huge. I feel sorry for them.

I haven't got grandchildren but I really wouldn't want to be rearing children now. I enjoyed bringing my son up and he had a wonderful childhood but I'm not particularly child orientated. I'd babysit and help out in emergencies obviously but I don't want to devote my days to child care.

We have one GS, he lives too far to have provided childcare when he was little, he went to Nursery from one, but now he’s bigger we have him for a week each summer holidays and occasionally babysit (he’s 9). We have 5 adult children between us, which was bloody hard work when they were little as we both worked full time and though their grandparents (my mum and dad) babysat regularly and took them out they were not in a position to childmind.

We are very much hoping we get more grandchildren in the not too distant future.

My father was in the army and we were always on the move. I once did not see my grandparents for three years, yet I was always very close to my maternal grandmother. For three years I spent most of my school holidays living with my paternal grandparents and never felt close to either.

It was a pleasure looking after our three grandchildren when they were babies to school age and during school holidays. Of course they are now all grown up leading their own lives but I will never forgot what our 20 year old granddaughter once said to me when we were out for a meal, she said, 'some of the happiest times of my life was when you and granddad looked after me'. I have thousands of photographs of them from being tiny babies through their growing up years, some which their parents have never seen so I will be sorting them out and passing them on to them. To hold a photograph in your hand or see it in an album is so much better than having them on your phone. It is surprising how much they look like me and my late husband when we were their age.

When my grandparents were alive I was really close to my dad’s parents because there looked after me for my parents. My sons aren’t close to our parents we lived overseas my dad they were when he was alive I care for mine along with the other grandparents for one of my boys and I’m really close to my grandkids with both of them I don’t want them growing up like my sons not close to grandkids yes I get shattered some days but it’s worth it to build memories for them

I helped with grandchildren too and enjoyed the one or two days a week. Now things are a little different - my eldest granddaughter and her partner are now living with us as (1) they live near their work and (2) they can't afford a flat. Luckily we have space and they see to themselves but they are trying so hard to save and find somewhere of their own. Everywhere is so expensive

My 2 oldest GC now teens, live 12 miles away. I happily provided all the childcare required to cover the gaps between their parents shifts, a nurse and a firefighter. They tried to avoid working the same shifts but if that wasn’t possible I did full days of childcare. It wasn’t asked or expected of me. I volunteered and I can honestly say I felt blessed to be able to do it.

I didn’t do it for pay back later in life but I do continue to have a very close bond with them. Especially my 17 yr old GD who asks to stay overnight at least once a week and we enjoy our time together.