Meeting new people who only talk about themselves

Sorry you are not enjoying your holiday. This is probably why these people are single! They are crashing, arrogant bores. If there is a tour leader with you, perhaps you could ask if you could be paired up with someone who is interested in other people. I hope you have a good book you can read. You are bound to be interrupted if that is the case!

First of all, well done you for taking the plunge to go on holiday alone. I've been thinking about one of these solo holidays but haven't had the nerve to do anything about it.
Is there any chance that these people might be very nervous and the chat about themselves is their way of coping? Have you tried talking to any of these dominant chatterers one on one to see if maybe they show a different side of their personalities?
I think the best advice, as others have said, is to approach a couple of quieter members of the group and make companions of them if possible. Hopefully things will improve and I hope you find some enjoyment on holiday.

travelsafar

If people go on a solo holiday it's usually because they are single.
Therefore they only have themself to talk about and there opinions to express. What else are they going to talk about?? They could also be anxious and feel like they have to keep the conversation going or as someone else said perhaps they are lonely and don't get out much so go into overdrive trying to appear interesting to others. They could of course just be selfish rude people. 🤔🤔

I was going to say that, too. I don’t really socialise much these days but when I did I suffered from verbal diahorrea purely from nervousness and then afterwards feel awful that I hadn’t asked people about themselves. I also agree that they could just be selfish and rude!

PamelaJ1

We had a woman at an event recently. We are going to call her Mrs. Kipling from now on. I believe she makes exceedingly good cakes and can spot one with cornflour and baking powder from a mile away!
Anyway we were treated to a masterclass in cake making and my colleague (whose business is making cakes) managed to smile and nod in all the right places.

My gal pal and I were just talking about folks who go on and on about a certain topic while the REAL EXPERT just sits quietly ~~~ LOLOLOL ..... It's rather an inside joke with us. Wink/Wink

I was reading on another forum how some folks consider "opener" questions like "do you have children" or "what do you do for a living" intrusive! If you ask about children and the person may be childfree or unable to have children it can (apparently) come across as judgemental. Same if the person is not currently working.

We navigate the social world by sorting people into categories and these kinds of questions were hitherto regarded as safe. You would not directly ask someone "how much do you earn" or "what political party do you vote for".
So openers about family or occupation have always been regarded as pretty safe.

No longer it seems. Some people are in the business of being offended.

I can’t understand people always talking about themselves. I know about me. I want to hear about the other person.

I went on my first cruise this year (by myself.) Met loads of other people, most of them wanted to tell me about every cruise ship they’d ever been on. Think I’m done with cruising now. I’d rather just travel around the UK on my own, visiting interesting towns. I often meet people on trains who are interesting to talk to.

My husband and I have noticed this increasingly. He is a very good conversationalist, and can chat away to anyone and always asks them about themselves as he is genuinely interested in people and their lives. However more and more he says people don’t ask him anything at all about himself. I was recently at an event stuck next to a woman who talked about herself for over an hour and never even asked me my name. Couldn’t get a word in edge ways!
Maybe as we age some of us see less people so need to off load when we do? It definitely isnt just you who feels this way, so don’t be downhearted!

Hi Optomistic1 First off well done for venturing on a solo holiday- it’s quite a challenge isn’t it?! When Im on a solo holiday and out on one of the organised trips I try and position myself with different fellow travellers as we wander around (on an organised day trip for example) so when it comes to ‘the meal’ I‘m usually not alongside the same person. I’ve just found it works for me and certainly by 2nd/3rd day I’ve generally got an idea ‘who to avoid’

They suffer from verbal diarrhoea

Don’t take it personally, just smile and listen. They are probably not the type you’re hoping to build a friendship with. Bide your time and someone on your wavelength will strike up a proper conversation

My step son in law once accused me of only talking about myself and my family, so the next time we were together I just listened and did very little talking and I realised that because they were a family, they talked about things that had happened within the family - past and present and not much else! So if the conversation is on families then the only way I could possibly join in (as an outsider) was with similar stories from my own family!
I felt vindicated, however, I now only speak about my family when specifically asked! (And yes! I find their conversations incredibly isolating - but I am too polite to say so!)

I learnt long ago people like to talk about themselves , so often let them get on with it . One of my friends and my sister - it doesn’t matter what you say they always go off talking about their similar situation at great length . If I am told by sister or hubby yet again how hard they have worked and deserved what they have , mega hols etc gonna tell them off as sounds so patronising. I did say “ dongg try nurses and teachers work hard?” Hoping they will take the hint . Thank you for listening ! 👍😀

That's such a shame Optomistic1 , I'm recently back from a wonderful solos holiday where everyone got on well and there were great conversations. I did go on another one where it went into the very outgoing group and the very quiet group and a few of us flitted between the two.
I think you'll find a few of the others are actually feelilng the same about the ones who are dominating and I hope your group leader noticed and helps you in the next few days.

luluaugust

I think I’m with Rocky I go into Miss Marple mode and it is amazing what people will tell you if you just let them talk, I think I have one of those faces!!
I can also hold a really good conversation about the weather.
I would look for another person in the room on their own or looking how you feel and chat to them.

That's me. I like the phrase 'Miss Marple' mode as it is polite yet suits the situation.
'

Reminds me of an exchange between two characters on a TV show.

Character 1: Only you would choose this situation to talk about yourself

Character 2: Well who else would I talk about!

I remember going to a function and found myself sat next to a man who was a keen archer. He talked for the entire meal about his hobby, I must have put on a good pretense of interest because as the event ended he suggested I should join his club as I "was obviously so interested"

We should keep this thread going as a,way of keeping Optomistic1 company.

You've described why I've stopped joining groups and social activities- life's too short to be stuck with the wrong people!

I dread getting into what I call "Non-stick pan" conversations.
I remember being stuck with a group of, non-working out side the home and proud of it, wives and vainly trying to remember what make my fridge, washing machine and cooker were in order to keep the conversation going. I am sure they had me down as a complete dunce.

Another time, I had always wanted to go to Blackpool but DH didn't want to go, so I went on a coach alone. I was sat next to a man who was over twenty years older than me and having stupidly, told him I was a retired nurse, he followed me around for the rest of the holiday so that he could tell me about all the various illnesses he and his family had ever suffered. As well as having had measles three times in childhood, he had various sordid problems with his dangly bits and liked to discuss them over meals as we were sat at the same table. The final straw was when the waitress asked us how long we had been married. (my DH is younger than I am)

I think I’m with Rocky I go into Miss Marple mode and it is amazing what people will tell you if you just let them talk, I think I have one of those faces!!
I can also hold a really good conversation about the weather.
I would look for another person in the room on their own or looking how you feel and chat to them.

Vintagewhine

Sadly some lonely people lose the ability to converse and just talk at others. I phone my sister on a monthly basis just to check she's ok but always have a magazine to hand. She can talk non stop about cooking and cleaning whilst I read my mag. Occasionally she'll stop just to check I'm still there. Difficult to do at a dinner table though!

😂

I remember a previous thread on this. I think I started it! I'd been at a coffee meet up with about five others and one of them literally did all the talking. I was interested in her total lack of awareness at others sitting politely and offering no encouragement (not that she needed it) . She was blithely completely unaware that she was dominating the whole conversation. I subsequently had coffee with her on her own and she complained that everyone was so unfriendly round here and nobody asked her to anything. Needless to say there were no more coffee group meetings and I have many other more interesting things to do that sit listening to her drone on nonstop. She's left blaming others for their lack of interest in her!
Good luck OP. It's great that you took the plunge and went on this holiday. Look for the other quiet ones and enjoy their company. Let us know how you get on.

I think I’m on the other side here. I don’t mind people going on about themselves or their life. I don’t find it boring and I enjoy hearing about what they get up to. I’m more of a listener though and very rarely talk about myself.

Well done for finding that courage. Its hard to push ourselves outwards. It takes persisitence and resilience. Sometimes the "talkers" are feeling insecure and feel they need to fill the space.
Or maybe they are just thick skinned!

I certainly recognise that feeling about wanting to retreat. I have been on a few meals out and so on with strangers. One person suggested we went round the table and introduced ourselves. Turns out they were all running successful businesses, winning the Nobel prize or reading 10 books simultaneously ( not!) I mumbled something and couldn't wait to get home.

Maybe try to tag aong with the nice people on the trip.
Best of luck.

Sadly some lonely people lose the ability to converse and just talk at others. I phone my sister on a monthly basis just to check she's ok but always have a magazine to hand. She can talk non stop about cooking and cleaning whilst I read my mag. Occasionally she'll stop just to check I'm still there. Difficult to do at a dinner table though!