Visitors popping in on off chance.

My daughters laughed at this and said "do you remember... we heard the gate and mum would say "scramble". And we knew to grab stuff out of the way and make the lounge tidy . Then whilst mum let them in we did bathroom and kitchen tidy? Never why until we got our own houses ...."

I can agree with almost everyone on this, cos I haven't yet worked out how sociable or otherwise I am, or want to be.

I am still a busy person, work from home part time (in my 70s) but with tight deadlines, do a lot of voluntary work as an accountant/bookkeeper for local charities, and my DH is pretty useless at all things household (whether physical or mental) - in fact he creates a lot of untidiness as well - so my house is always fairly untidy (which I hate but simply don't have the time). Sadly I don't get many impromptu visitors since my two close friends died (who didn't care about my untidiness) and other contacts I have are all the opposite to me with their neat houses, so I do feel embarassed at times.

However, when someone DOES brave the dust I am very hospitable, thrilled to see most people, and not afraid of telling them if I am stuck for time.

I do wonder if it all puts them off but my life is just like that.

During my cancer treatment this year I have been quite upset at the few people who have even enquired about me and the lack of visitors or even phone calls, but I can only assume that is my fault. I believe you have to make an effort to keep friends and I don't seem to ever have the time.

Maybe I've got my priorities wrong and will regret it in times to come.

I would love people to drop in - I would say if it was difficult. Hardly anyone does tho’ which is a shame. I have lived here for 15 years and knew hardly anybody, but have now joined a coffee and chat group and things are looking up!
Charities representing the elderly always seem to suggest that we should drop in but after reading the comments here I wonder if they are right?

If you've not arranged to pop in you don't get in Of you do I will be wearing a bra and my wig and you will be fed and watered

I'd absolutely love it if people just popped in & find it strange that some don't. However, we live in the countryside, not exactly on the beaten track, and down a long gated drive. Therefore visitors tend to make an appointment as they're hardly likely to be just passing and it would be a journey wasted if we were out. So I'm not expecting casual callers any time soon!

Babs03

I just wonder why, in the age of constant texting etc., people can’t ask if it is convenient first. What if someone has covid, is out, or is having a much deserved long soak in the bath?
I just don’t get it.

Now why would anyone take a bath at the time when visitors might just pop in? Bathing is something I do when I haves finished my day's work, and if I were ill, I would neither answer the door or the phone.

Or if you were in the bath, not just ignore the door-bell?

As for being out - well they can't see me of I am not at home, can they?

This thread is fascinating, seen as an example of how the other half lives! I just do not get your objections to people popping in!

SuzyG

On that note, how do you 'get rid' of guests politely? I had a friend come for coffee (invited) but they were quite put out when I said I had to go out shopping, 2 and a half hours later. And to answer the initial question, I don't like unexpected visitors now I'm old (70s) but loved it in my 20s and 30s.

Just stand up SuzyG and say " Oh well, I really must go shopping now, the time's getting on"
Going back in time I had a friend who came to visit. didn't know she was coming round. When she came in, which was always just a tap on the back door and just walk in, I said that I was going into town and got to catch the bus. She sat and sat and sat and in the end I just stood up and said I'd got to go out for the bus.
She took the hint.

I used to love it when people popped in. It was mainly family and extended family often bringing a friend with them who I knew anyway. When we stay with my DD I usually tell family I'm around and pop by to see them. Don't usually ring as that's the way our family works. My friend is very much on the appointments system so we usually suggest 3 or 4 days when she's not busy ( posting rubbish on FB) lol.
Now we are 100 miles from family they tell me when they are coming as I have fold out beds to make up and need notice of at least a few hours.
I don't care about how our house looks as it's mostly tidy anyway, and I go to see the person not how great their home looks.
I'm probably in the minority on here but this is how my childhood home was, always welcoming to friends and family. Appointments are for strangers imo.

Fine IF they genuinely are never in this area and suddenly have the chance OR it really is no more than a 1/2 hour 'touch base' sort of thing - otherwise no deal - its rude to assume you have nothing to do but host them.

I wish more people would!

I'd love it if people popped in, but they never do 😒

I can't stand it when people pop in unexpectedly. In fact I don't even like unexpected phone calls.

Surely it is simple enough to tell friends and family that you find it unpleasant, or even rude.

And for my friends to know they are welcome any time for a cuppa, a natter and more, and that I am very able to tell them it is inconvenient, if it is. So so simple, really. Popping in with other guests if just not on, however. Unless you know the friend does like impromptu visits, as I do.

Grew up in a house where it was the norm for neighbours, relatives and friends to arrive unannounced. In early married life that continued in my house. I like it, but these days folk don’t do it any more. The advent of landlines and then mobile phones had something to do with it I’m sure😁

cornflower, that was very very rude and thoughtless of your inlaws bringing their guests to visit you, expecting to be waited on , what a nightmare it must have been for you, I don't think I would have offered them a cuppa...I wonder what their reaction would have been if you had left them to look after the children while you went and had a leisurely bath...

Mother-in-law was coming for lunch one day and bringing her sister. All arranged, so far so good.
On the day she turned up with a friend, who'd apparently said she fancied coming as well, so three guests to feed instead of the two I'd expected.
"You don't mind, do you?" 🙄
They were lucky I'd made a pie for lunch, instead of the individual pork chops I'd originally planned!

I hate it - I work from home and when not working I'm always busy and often doing things to a schedule because I've got to be somewhere later. It sounds terribly controlling, but it really throws me out and why anyone would think it's okay beats me! However, if a friend were in crisis I would SO want them to drop in - I fear that because my friends pick up the 'text me first' vibe they might not 'get' that difference. (This may be partly because I have few friends within walking distance, also) I could understand it years ago, but now we can just so easily text and see if it's okay. Much better manners, to respect a person's time.

I spent a lot of my childhood at my granny’s house and she had visitors dropping in every day. All the Gcs went there for lunch and she had a particular neighbour who always arrived just before we did and she used to tell my gran it was too much to expect her to provide lunch for 3 or 4 Gcs but she never refused a plate nor did she ever bring a small thank you. Later on when I lived full time with my gran and was the one doing the cooking I used to make comments about people outstaying their welcome. She was so rude, and my granny too nice. Nowadays it’s only family who stop by unannounced. Most people know I don’t like unexpected visitors.

For the poster that says she’s not royalty pop in and see her! So for the rest of us that don’t like someone popping round we are all royalty are we . I will have to remember that one and shall expect a few curtesy’s when I meet people 🙄🙄

The time may come when we would be delighted to hear the bell ring. We might find ourselves alone, and less mobile. It might cheer us up to know someone still cares about us.
When my Father was disabled and bed ridden, my Mother was delighted to have impromptu callers to share cups of coffee. She didn't care whether the house was tidy or not. It was the kindness that mattered.

I didn't mind when I was younger but not now. I have become selfish with old age but I don't care. Offspring can drop in, though they usually warn me; friends must be by arrangement.

Nope I wouldn’t drop in on the off chance to see friends I think it’s rude. I meet several different friends and we make arrangements to meet. I wouldn’t like it done to me and all my friends think the same.

I usually don’t mind if a friend or neighbour pops round unannounced as long as they keep the visit to under a half hour as I have little time, with work, housework and a bit of childcare to do.

I work from home it is Voluntary work but full time. Some of my friends don't get that just because I am not paid I still need to get the work done. I like to check my diary and make arrangements in advance accordingly. I would never dream of popping in to anyone not even my own son, I wait for an invitation, I would not suggest a visit either, it is up to them to ask me to visit, then I gladly do at a time that suits us both.
My best friend on the other hand loves visitors and invites anybody and everybody. She is very popular because of that, she barely knows people before she tell them to pop in for a coffee, she lives in a huge house and is very well off, people love a nose around her lovely home so mostly say yes thank you. Yet she does not say two words when they do visit it is up to them to keep the conversation going, can be hard work. When she comes here she pops herself down for the day or evening and I literally have to say sorry but I have work waiting, which I usually do after 2 hours of me doing all the talking. She says people like a good listener!! She would never disagree with anyone face to face but will have an opinion afterwards. She cannot do groups only 1 to 1 or max 3 together. Yet she is my best friend because we have known each other for 50+ years and have been through some hard times, when we really supported each other. Life is so strange, as someone else said earlier it is about realising that we are all so very different.

Gummie

Fleurpepper

I'd hate the idea that friends have to make an appointment days or weeks in advance to see me, or for me to see them.
I love it when people turn up out of the blue. Sometimes the house is lovely and tidy, and sometimes, its not. So what?

If I have to go out for an appointment, I'll just say so, and arrange to see each other soon. If not, could be just for a cuppa, or they will stay for impromptu simple meal and a good natter. Lovely.

Totally agree. I'm not royality. Pop in and see me.

Such a joy, and tbh, a great honour to have such friends.

Now, I also do pop in un-announced- and always make it clear to tell me if it is not convenient, and would not be offended at all if told so, at all.