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Separate beds

(85 Posts)
Babs03 Tue 06-Aug-24 12:12:49

One thing that has made our marriage more comfortable in recent years is the fact that we sleep in separate bedrooms. Of course we are lucky enough to have enough bedrooms to do this. Thing is I get too hot in the night, he is too cold, I snore and get restless on my sleep, he has trouble with his prostate which means he can be up and down and he suffers from insomnia.
About 10 years ago we finally decided enough was enough and we started sleeping apart. We agree has been he best decision. He can now sit up in bed reading or listening to the radio when he can’t sleep, and I can stretch out with just a sheet over me when overheated. Have spoken to several of our friends about this and some already do it, others are so uncomfortable at night they are seriously considering it and another couple say they couldn’t ever imagine sleeping apart.
Anyone else in the separate bedroom camp?

pably15 Wed 07-Aug-24 14:46:40

yes seperate rooms, hubby is always cold, always restless. and wraps the duvet round him. I only have a light bedspread over me...

Musicgirl Wed 07-Aug-24 14:40:10

My parents had separate single beds in the same bedroom for several years before my Dad died in 2018. Mum likes a soft mattress and Dad liked a firmer one and this halfway house arrangement suited them brilliantly. Mum has a top sheet under the duvets so that she doesn't have to change the duvet covers every time (as do l). When she changes her duvet cover, she always changes Dad's cover to match.
We moved house last year and the main spare bedroom is a double bedroom. We decided that buying two single beds rather than a double bed was more flexible. If we have a married couple staying there, we are all of an age where we don't mind sleeping in single beds for a few days.

Applegran Wed 07-Aug-24 14:36:45

We share a bed but not a duvet. We have separate coverings which is wonderful because I get far too hot, but he does not. So I may have a sheet and a very light other layer over me, while he has a duvet. It works brilliantly for us!

grannyactivist Wed 07-Aug-24 13:54:39

We’ve had separate rooms for years, and we’re both very happy with the arrangement. Fortunately the house is big enough that we both have large rooms and decent sized beds, but I bagged an en-suite shower room. 😁 We actually sleep at opposite ends of the house, but after the summer influx of visitors have left he’s moving to the room next door. 😘

sazz1 Wed 07-Aug-24 13:40:01

No atm we sleep together but I am considering it. OH goes to bed at 10pm or 11. He's a big guy and takes up most of the bed even though it's king-size. He loves a cool room and leaves window open.
I go to bed about 1am or later. I like to read and the lamp disturbs him. I close the window as its freezing most nights, then have to partly wake him to move over so I can get in bed. Total nightmare.

David49 Wed 07-Aug-24 13:16:23

There is nothing wrong with separate beds/rooms if that suits you better, what is is important is to maintain the intimacy of the relationship, a kiss and cuddle morning and night makes all the difference

REWIRING Wed 07-Aug-24 13:03:47

We have had separate rooms for years now-Hubbie a very very loud snorer- and I could not cope with the sleep deprivation - it was making me ill- felt a bit embarrassed about separate rooms to begin with but used to it now- more expensive to go away tho we have to book apartments with two rooms!!!

TerriBull Wed 07-Aug-24 13:00:50

I occasionally disappear into a spare room to put a fan on if we're having a hot spell and I'm tossing and turning so as not to wake my other half. I'm generally back in our bed before he wakes. These days I have quite a bit of broken sleep, it's a matter of not wishing to inflict my restlessness on him. I have no desire to take up permanent residence in another room.

pregpaws3 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:57:50

We share a king sized bed but always book twin beds on holiday as it gives you a bigger room usually

KG1241 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:47:49

I’m in. Best thing ever, DH snores, I get hot, it just works x

Lettice Wed 07-Aug-24 12:47:46

I vote for separate houses, one of us is tidy and likes daylight, the other is messy and nocturnal. We get along very well.

catwoman Wed 07-Aug-24 12:43:29

Married well over 50 years. Hubby had heart attack over 20 years ago. Happily put up with broken sleep just to have him beside me.❤️

Willow3 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:41:46

Yes we have had separate rooms for many years. He snores badly and we both get up and down for the loo. We put up with one bed or have twin beds when away but I have to have ear plugs and sleeping pills! Sometimes we go self catering to get the 2 rooms. Our friends have always been understanding and given us a room each when we visit.

Janeea Wed 07-Aug-24 12:39:55

Yes and separate bathrooms, best decision ever

WelshPoppy Wed 07-Aug-24 12:31:21

Hell yes! Started when I was in a severe period of Meniere's Disease and spent many nights vomiting but unable to get out of bed. Best thing ever.

GrauntyHelen Wed 07-Aug-24 12:30:55

We had to go into separate rooms due to DHs Parkinson's I was getting attacked on the night It didn't stop cuddles or indeed regular intercourse it just saved me black eyes and broken bones

Chuckle Wed 07-Aug-24 12:28:00

We called our single bedroom ‘the escape room’ where my late husband, who had insomnia, often moved into in the middle of the night in order to read. On one occasion, not noticing that I had already left the marital bed for the escape room, woke me when he dropped a pile of books on me when he ‘escaped’!

HowVeryDareYou2 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:26:24

PetalPop I can hear my husband snoring when I'm sitting downstairs, with all the doors shut! He's having some tests later today, to see if he's got sleep apnoea. If he has, it'll mean him having to wear a mask attached to a CPAP machine, which is in itself, very noisy, apparently

Petalpop Wed 07-Aug-24 12:16:07

I'm with HowVeryDareYou2 on this one. We sleep apart. I am in the double bed and he sleeps in the single bed in the spare room. If I get up in the night I can hear him snoring through the closed door of his room. I am a moody old boot if I can't get enough sleep. Now happy wife and even happier husband without me snapping at him all day.

Grandma2002 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:12:33

Same bed but separate duvets. Sort of halfway house. We might have to think about separate rooms soon as like "Shelflife" I like windows open and plenty of fresh air to sleep, DH doesn't.
He sleeps wrapped in his duvet even on hot nights, I sleep on top of mine uncovered. We manage OK but the window issue might send into separate rooms!

RosesAreRed21 Wed 07-Aug-24 12:08:07

Best thing we ever did

J52 Tue 06-Aug-24 21:09:00

HeavenLeigh

No. We cuddle up in a king size bed, no separate rooms for us. Couldn’t imagine that my Dh snores doesn’t really bother me, whatever keeps you happy. Each to their own of course. We dread the day when one of us in the bed.

Pretty much agree with this. No separate rooms for us, I need someone to warm my cold feet on!😂.

Mollygo Tue 06-Aug-24 20:02:32

I was curious because there’s another thread somewhere about splitting the cost of accommodation.
We meet up with friends or with family quite often We don’t often use hotels, but when we book gîtes or cottages, I’m not sure how I’d feel if we had book and split the cost of a 6 bedroom place when we only wanted one bedroom and the couples wanted separate rooms.
I couldn’t find the thread but there was a good debate.

Redhead56 Tue 06-Aug-24 19:16:03

I started sleeping in another room when GC were born I was up very early to help with them. My DH was still working then we decided we would have own rooms to get some decent sleep. It suits us both very well now we quite like our own space. When we go on holiday we hire a cottage and have our own bedrooms in a hotel we have separated beds.

Kate1949 Tue 06-Aug-24 19:03:23

Well if it was good enough for the late Queen......