Feeling betrayed by name change

None of my 4 granddaughters have any of my names its not worth stressing about!

None of my grandchildren have been named after me or my husband, but that doesn’t indicate anything other than they preferred different names. My daughter in law’s mum has a slightly uncommon name that is also my DIL’s middle name, so when she was pregnant I actually made it plain to my DIL that I thought it would be a lovely idea if she wanted to perpetuate that name. Instead their little girl was given a rather unusual first name and her great grandmothers’ middle names. 😁

I was a tad pleased that my first GD was given her middle name from a very long line of" Marys " . Would I of cared if not - No.Such a stupid nonsense.

Enjoy your new granddaughter while she's little, whatever her name! I get the impression that the problem is that you were told in front of a group what your Gd's name would be before it was finally decided! There could well be very good reasons why the name order was changed which were not evident originally.

We've had a few "discussions" in the past about family names. Certain names have never been considered, including my real first name (which I hate!). However, I was absolutely insistent that one of my grandsons was not going to have the name (accidentally, but it was how the order came out) of a famous post-WW2 comedian, and his sister not that of a 1990s punk rock star! My DD and son-in-law's horrified comments were along the lines of "We never thought of that"!!

PS. Dowsabella is actually a genuine very old family name. Apparently she grew up to be a woman with a very strong character!! No-one in my family has EVER been named after her

The arguments that come about because parents named their children possibly after someone in the family, bah!!
Imagine if you fall out with the person/s you named your child after, would you now hate their name/s?
Just go with your own choices and if they happen to be family names, so be it, but don't let anyone argue with you over your choices as you - as the parents - are the ones using the names most!!

I know someone whose name comes out as SLOB in their initials, and someone else who is CJD and they were born around the time that was happening!

Just be thankful of your DGC and enjoy spending time with them.

When my son was born, I wanted him to have my Dad's name as his middle name...my Dad told me how pleased he was but asked me to rethink as it was 'bad luck'!
He was so adamant about it, I asked what names he liked and we chose another.
I've never actually heard the 'bad luck' line from others, has anyone else ever heard this?

Good book Don't Sweat the Small stuff. Yes life is short. Sometimes it helps to look at the bigger picture. But I am sorry you are upset and I'm sure your daughter would be too or embarrassed about it Maybe you don't want to upset her about it it might make her a bit wary for future regarding upsetting you. My daughter was going to use my middle name if she had a girl which is a name I've never liked through life as it was old-fashioned in fact I'm just coming to terms with it now but I love the fact it was my Nanas name she was a lovely lady. I remember my reaction was "oh I'm sure you'll find another name that you like equally! " I regretted you saying that afterwards it was just my initial response anyway, it was a boy🤣🤣🤣🤣

It’s a lovely tribute to have your name as part of the baby’s name, I’d just try and take it that way if you can. If I said anything, it would be very casual, wondering why the names had been swapped round - I’m sure there’s an explanation other than ‘We decided Other Granny is more important than you!’

My gran was very superstitious, and believed if a child was named after a relative, the relative would die - so there was no naming babies after grandparents in my family! My husband’s family have a family surname which is handed down as a middle name, and we gave that to our sons as a middle name, and the son who has children has given them all the family middle name. It’s a family tradition, so it didn’t really bother me one way or the other.

I hope you can enjoy your grandchild, despite your hurt feelings. At least they haven’t dropped your name!

I am amazed at what other folk find to worry and get upset about. I wont allow myself to be upset about the little things in life.

Exactly, undines. One cannot help how one feels but one can help how one behaves. So the OP, in my opinion, should behave as if there's nothing the matter.

Which there isn't. Her name has been added to the grandchild's names. How nice, rationally, for her and for the grandchild.

Get a grip. If your daughter was living with cancer, weighing less than 5 stone and in constant pain then you would have something to moan about.

Goodness! I am once again gobsmacked by the lack of empathy and understanding on here! I totally get why you are feeling the way you are, Bernadette8, and I wonder what the history is, and why you feel neglected. I would feel the same, and as this is your daughter, not daughter-in-law I might take the opportunity when you're alone, just to inquire why - the answer might make you feel better. You cannot help how you feel but it's rarely productive to let adult children see that they have upset us over something like this. They then feel guilt-tripped and angry - for I often think this is a generation that expect parents to give everything and expect nothing. My remedy for all this sort of thing is to give up expecting any emotional nourishment, understanding or support from my children, to give as much as I comfortably can, and to find meaning for my life elsewhere. It's a lot more fulfilling!

It’s a difficult one, I can understand you feeling hurt, but not sure I’d mention it. My first Gd has her other grand name in her name and when my second gd was born she was given my middle name, I foolishly asked if the was her mums grans name and was pleased when my son said no they’d picked it because it was mine.

Life is too short for this kind of wrangling.

When you talk to your grandchild just use the whole name - hello little Julie Kate - and your granddaughter will get used to you saying your name as part of her name. Be thankful you got a special place in her name!

I was neither up nor down about any of it. Her choice.
Precisely

Do I say something
Yes.
You say "Thank you for the christening invitation, we'll look forward to it. Now what about a gift?" 🙂

Betrayed? 🤔
It's a 🤷‍♀️ moment.

Our DD used one of my, least liked, middle names for first born DGD, other DGM's name as first name and a semi precious stone of special significance as another middle name. With the surname, the initials spelt 'REAR' initially(!) but were changed round on the birth certificate to RAER made up of DGM's first name followed by semi-precious stone, then my not much liked middle name then DD's surname. I was neither up nor down about any of it. Her choice.

Baggs

I sometimes find it hard to believe the trivial stuff people decide to be upset about, but I see you were already feeling "neglected". Please stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You are fine; your daughter is fine; your grandchild is fine.
Make the most of that.

👏👏👏

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

I sometimes find it hard to believe the trivial stuff people decide to be upset about, but I see you were already feeling "neglected". Please stop feeling sorry for yourself.

You are fine; your daughter is fine; your grandchild is fine.
Make the most of that.

We didn't give our children any of the grandparents' names so as not to leave anyone out.

I wouldn't have given my DC family names except for the fact that I like my mother's middle name and it was fashionable again.
After I told her we'd picked it for DC1's middle name she said "Why? I've always hated it!" Then said she was rather pleased. 😃
DC2's middle name was just picked randomly after no-one in particular.
Years later I found these two names were the names of my great-great grandparents.

Lots of people just don't do this anymore, so I think you are being a bit over sensitive

She has your name , the order is unimportant!

Neither my mother nor I have had our names used for children or grandchildren. The only ones that have been used are my fathers. He died many years ago and I am sure would be really touched. Don’t upset yourself, your name is there and will be on all sorts of documentation down the years.

I didn't give my children family names.. it never occurred to me.. not because I didn't get on with them.. it's most probably to do with flow or maybe which one she actually prefers.. does it really matter?