My oldest friend, who lives 150 miles away, is now 95, very immobile, going blind with macular disease and in denial! She struggles to cope with no outside help. Her home is absolutely filthy and the stench is sickening. I visited her recently and was appalled at her living conditions. Her only relatives, a neice and nephew from different sides of the family, are extremely concerned for her welfare, but she refuses all offers of help, to the point of being very rude and offensive. We are now dealing with this through local Social Services, although so far she is reluctant to co-operate as she really cannot accept the need, but with our joint efforts we are hopeful of progress. The major problem I have is she has had indoor cats all her life. Her last pet died last May and she is absolutely bereft, lonely, sad and desperate for another pet. Her last two have come from a local rescue centre, where she is well known (she regularly sends them very generous donations!); However because , she can no longer clean the litter trays, her last pet took to poo- ing and peeing where it pleased , hence the dreadful smell now. In addition, because she does not have a vacuum cleaner that works properly, there was loose cat litter everywhere, on the carpets from the front door all through the house, and all over her kitchen worktops!!! It is four months since her last cat died and her lounge carpet is still damp with urine! I feel it would be extremely unfair to introduce another cat into this environment and I have told her so, but she is insistent on pursuing her quest for another feline companion! Should I contact the rescue centre concerned and make them aware of the conditions? As she has had her last two pets from them, they do not conduct their usual inspection because, as I said earlier, she is well known to them over the years! What would you do under these circumstances? What is most important, animal welfare or my friends selfish desire for feline companionship?
Animal welfare comes first, not the whims of a human being. Animals aren't cuddly toys. I feel concerned that the rescue centre might be swayed by the financial support this woman has previously offered. She's not even capable of looking after herself and should under no circumstances be allowed to add another living creature into that scenario.
Error, I'm nearly 93.
My sons who are my carers will do everything they can to help me keep my dog, and keep him happy and healthy. When my previous dog died my daughter in law found another dog for me.
She may well be glad to have a housekeeper and carer if you find a congenial person for her. Some efficient but not bossy person who likes cats and has the ability to care for a cat or two.
I am nearly 92 and I know it makes me anxious and sad to be deprived of my independence by an arrogant carer.
One of my daughters in law , who is an efficient teacher, has found very able private carers for her disabled mother.
Tell your friend you will help her to find a nice cat if she will accept a carer.
If she was looking to get a cat from the rescue centre, I’d be very surprised if they’d allow it given her age. We’re currently looking for a rescue cat and one of the questions we’ve been asked at the centres we’ve contacted is our ages.
I hope you can get help for your friend though. Having had to deal with a stubborn elderly neighbour who needs help and support, it’s hard work! So best of luck!
Maybe stress how much work a cat can be and say you’ll support her in getting one provided she get a cleaner to help?
animal welfare no doubt
I think you are a very caring friend and an excellent human being. I am glad this situation is being sorted as it sounds very distressing for you so well done for reaching out.
I hope if I ever get like this, I have a friend in my life who would do this for me.
What a very sad situation.
The welfare of this old lady must come first, and you are right to keep pressing Social Services; 'going to do an assessment' is not good enough for a 95 year old.
I wonder how she looks after herself in terms of regular meals and good food; you say her mind is razor sharp and it seems that the disarray in her home is due to her failing eyesight and possibly poor nutrition is contributing to the decline in her faculties. Would the prospect of being able to have another cat only if she accepts help in terms of a regular cleaner/carer to maintain a suitable home be an inducement?
The older people get the more stubborn they become because they are terrified of change; I experienced this with my father at 90 and a friend's mother who died aged 104, both of whom resisted all offers of help until overwhelmed.
@Bluesmum,
So sad that this elderly lady has come to this, can understand her struggle for independence it must terrify her that complete control over her life is rapidly unravelling.
But she is lucky to have you and her nephew and niece looking out for her.
Never an easy time for anyone.
All the best x
Bluesmum
And yes, she could even afford a live in career, just can’t see the need!
It sounds as though she has a caring soul but is at the beginning of dementia where she can't see her own issues or untidiness. That said, what if the carer were disguised as someone who was in dire need of a place to stay and the lady loves cleaning, cooking meals and loves cats? Could her kind heart provide a 'friend of the family' with a place to stay? (Just trying to think creatively to offer a win-win situation).
How sad - poor old lady .
I visit some and they are really feisty -capable of being quite rude when you try to help them .
Loss of independence and fear comes into play .
One of my friends gets shopping for an elderly lady in an appalling condition .She has a cat and the house is filthy and stinking .
I've repeatedly asked her to contact social services , but nothing has been done .
A pet needs plenty of care -fresh water and food and somewhere to pee and poo .
It's not fair for them
to live in squalor even if they are loved .
Bluesmum
And yes, she could even afford a live in career, just can’t see the need!
Well done you on doing the right things for your friend, it’s a sad situation
A neighbour of mine wanted a new puppy when she was 90-odd. All the breeders and rescues found excuses not to oblige her but she got a grandson to buy a pup, pretending it was his.
That pup was never trained, exercised or socialised then was sold on when the old lady fell and broke her hip.
The poor helpless animal must come first, ahead of the inconsiderate person.
Fingers crossed for the best outcome, then.
Sad, though isn't it?
And yes, she could even afford a live in career, just can’t see the need!
MissAdventure
Could she afford a regular cleaner?
Perhaps with a good one-off blitz, then a cleaner every couple of days, it may be manageable for her to stay independent.
I am an early riser and she does not get up until midday. Consequently, I was able to work on her kitchen, bathroom and lounge whilst she was still in bed. I stayed close by and have keys to her property. I had to buy cleaning materials, rubber gloves etc but after three days of over four hours per day, you could definitely see (and smell!) the difference! I pay to have a cleaner myself!!! Both her nephew, neice and neighbour remarked on the vast improvement in just a few days, but she could not see what all the fuss was about, telling her neice “ she didn’t have to bother, it was not dirty in the first place!” Fortunately, her neice, very gently and tactfully, told her the truth, but she is still in denial! I had to resort to emotional blackmail, threatening to sever all ties, when she wanted me to alter my comments on the online request for a needs assessment I made on her behalf to Social Services. “ you make it sound as if the place is dirty and I can’t cope”. I told her I had to tell the truth I and those are the facts! She got very upset but I persevered and in the end the form was submitted with the comments included!
Age UK may be able to give you some up to date advice, I'd think.
Hopefully a sensible social worker would too.
I should say that I have Power of Attorney jointly with her neice, for both Health and Welfare, and Finance. She made these LPA’s a good few years ago now and at the time I investigated my responsibilities etc in this role but I have to admit that has all faded into the mists of time now and I need to refresh myself on how and when this can be activated. Although a normal person would think she is mad to live in squalor, given her very secure financial situation, in all other respects her mind is as sharp as a razor, very astute mentally!
Most definitely do all you can to prevent your friend having another cat. Please let us know how you get on.
She needs help.
any good rescue would not rehome to someone in these circumstances and probably age. it is clear she is struggling I hope Social Services will step in and help. As for carpets etc ripping them up and replacing would be daft but if you get a professional carpet cleaner in they have stronger cleaners and should be able to restore them to some better condition. Some cleaner firms can offer one off cleans for end of tenancies etc which should be a great help
Could she afford a regular cleaner?
Perhaps with a good one-off blitz, then a cleaner every couple of days, it may be manageable for her to stay independent.
I did see that you think they won't by the way.
I would check though as several years have gone by since the last cat.
Can you ask if they do home visits?
I think most rescue centres will do that now so you may be worried about nothing?
Give them a ring perhaps.
Only. Not inky!! 
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